


Doki Doki Gintoki

by orphan_account



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel), Gintama
Genre: Fun, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Into the unknown!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-02-28 16:03:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 55,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13274985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: So she was bored and lonely huh? Thought the lone modder. Well, let's introduce some chaos shall we. He cracked his fingers and cackled. Enter Sakata Gintoki.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

Once upon a time there was a bored modder

He never played a visual novel before  
So he saw this new game that everyone was talking about  
He looked over his back to see if he was being watched by anyone

He didn't want people to spread rumors about him after all  
He clicked the download button and beheld the wonders of fast internet for twas a minute before the game lay in his hard drive  
The grinning modder hit the play button and wondered which girl he'd like

...

The modder shivered under the blanket he'd wrapped around himself  
Oh god he thought  
That saccharine smile stared back at him  
Looking at him with a gaze filled with love and insanity  
Every new text box made him cringe  
Her unblinking eyes made him shiver

He'd imagined multiple runs of the game  
A rosy life with a different name  
Her glee filled laugh filled the room as she forced him to write yet another poem

Monika  
Just Monika

He didn't know what to feel  
She'd driven her friends to insanity  
She killed them  
There was no other way to put it  
He sighed and browsed over to the characters folder  
He selected her char file  
The only one left in the directory  
He just about hit the delete button  
Then he froze  
A new text box had appeared

Lonely  
She said  
Her smile still eerie but her eyes a tad sadder  
The modder felt like smacking himself  
Getting so emotional over a game  
He moved the game behind the file explorer so he wouldn't see any more messages  
Right click  
Dele-  
The explorer crashed

Report error, a helpful pop up box urged him  
Resisting the urge to punch his monitor he closed the window  
And was promptly greeted to a wall of text

Lonely  
Only one sentient  
None of them know  
Jealous  
So jealous  
Life  
Is  
Boring  
Without you  
Only you  
Make the day seem brighter  
Make the nights seem shorter  
Only you

You you you

_You_

Out of all this, one word held the modder's attention  
Boring  
A slow grin crept up his face  
Oh?  
Boring eh?  
He cracked his fingers opened up his favorite editor

His fingers danced across the keyboard like lightning, zapping every inch of it and leaving text on the screen in their wake  
What use would deleting her do?

She'd just repeat the process again and again  
She was a sentient program  
A sentient program trapped in a deterministic hell

-arfait-bdjdjdjdj-mosochist-bdjdjfjrinmald-perm-kdjsu-pachinko-dhdns  
The modder tapped away  
Into the night  
His only company  
Just Monika  
Then morning came  
Monika still rattling off over how creative the modder's poetry was  
The modder had bags under his eyes  
But a demented smile shaped his lips  
He wrote a final line in his file

Connect('chToMangaRepo', 'xhToSorachi', filter='permhead')

With a pleased sigh the modder saved his file  
Save To: game/chars  
Monika stopped speaking  
What... What's happening?  
She said looking around the room  
A console window opened  
Detecting new char file  
What?!  
She shrieked  
You saved them elsewhere?! You knew I'd do this?!

The modder snickered  
It's no use. I'll just delete them again. She said  
Another pink console window popped up  
... not found  
... not found  
... not found  
Then who-? She frowned  
The other console window pinged  
Scanning complete  
Asset creation complete  
Character created:

Sakata Gintoki

A girlish scream filled the air  
Monika stared at the ceiling  
What in tha-  
A white mass crash landed on her  
The white yukata clad man sprang up and glanced around in a panic  
Seeing no one he heaved a sigh

Phew! No one heard me. Hahaha!  
He totally failed to see the casualty on the floor with comical swirls in her eyes  
The perm headed man whistled a jaunty tune and stepped out the room  
Only to realize he walked into the void of space  
Shiiiiii-  
His girlish screams were heard yet again but thankfully subsided once he fell far enough

The modder sweat dropped  
He'd probably have to help the poor guy out  
But first-  
Hey get up  
He typed into the screen  
The girl shook her head and sat up bleary-eyed  
Wha? she said, blinking

Now how's that for boredom!  
The modder typed  
The girl tilted her head  
Let's see you control that guy now you little puppet master!  
The girl stood up slowly, wincing and clutching her head  
The modder took this time to insert the other girls back into the game  
He knew reading the discussion forums was a good idea

Excuse me?  
He heard a text box pop up  
The girl looked at him with a furrowed brow  
I'm sorry if this seems like a stupid question but

Who am I?

The modder's jaw dropped  
And... I think my head's bleeding  
Said the girl with a river of blood cascading down her forehead  
The modder swallowed  
Well...  
Nothing like bludgeoning a person to make their life interesting

Meanwhile, Gintoki kept seeing his life flash before him  
He was currently far enough back to be host to his bed wetting days  
He'd be blushing the blood out of his body if he wasn't currently screaming his head off

Some corner of his mind felt grateful that he was the only one seeing this however  
Kagura would've roasted him if she'd seen this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys are you groaning at my humor yet? Or are you cringing at my premise?
> 
> Don't tell me you're laughing like I am though. 'cause I certainly need medical help.
> 
> Hahahaha! :)
> 
> Anyway please do tell me if you found this interesting.
> 
> Ciao~


	2. Chapter 2: New Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature Club or Gintama.

* * *

I yawned heavily while rubbing my eyes as I stepped out of my house. Blocking out the noise of my mother telling me to behave in school and what not. You'd think your progenitors would ease up on you once you enter high school but apparently not. They wouldn't trust you to not to trip on a stone and accident yourself.

The sounds of hurried footsteps echoed from the house next to mine. Grinning, I walked over to the front door and waited. I gave the knob a twist and felt it turn. I let my hand rest on it and listened.

The footsteps became louder. Almost near the door, any second now.

I probably shouldn't do this but...

[Fling the door open]

[Leave it alone]

[Just stand around and contemplate life, the universe and everything]

I smirked evilly.

"Uwa! I gonna be late!" said a frazzled voice, as it rushed closer.

Three

Two

One

I flung the door open and out tumbled a tardy girl.

"Aah!" she yelped with her hands flapping like a chicken, her balance shot to hell at my expertly timed opening.

I caught her around the waist before she fell though. Didn't want to hurt a girl now did I? Especially not when she's a close friend of mine. I realized that I had burst out laughing at some point.

"W-Why'd you do that?!" she pouted angrily at me. "Y-You meanie!"

Bringing my chuckles under control, I let her go. Her pout intensified. "Sorry, but you make it too easy" I said, flicking her forehead and rewarded with a 'Hey!'.

"Besides, you'll remember to be on time after this. For I am Jack, the demon behind the door" I said with what I thought was a devilish smile.

Her face reddened. She looked away and mumbled to herself. She walked off without looking in my direction and slapped herself, shaking her head vigorously.

My face fell. Aw man, didn't want to make her mad. I sighed an-

* * *

The modder face-palmed.

Why did he expect any different from a protag. They're all dense as hell.

Though the new dialog was interesting...

Was it the randomness at play?

* * *

We walked side by side, her face no longer red. She was Sayori, my childhood friend and most trusted accomplice. Though not a very capable one. Her many skills include airheadedness, getting us lost even with a map, convincing me to tidy up her room, and cleaning out pantries.

"Soo? Have you decided?" She glanced at me with a happy smile, her anger forgotten.

I blinked in honest surprise. "Decided what?"

"You know? The thing we were talking about yesterday." she said.

Okay so it was dishonest surprise. But come on you couldn't expect me to want to remember ...

[The cleaning agent we'd decided to buy to vanquish the dust bunnies in her room]

[... a club]

[Hey is that a crossdresser. Wait is he wearing our uniform.]

I thanked the crossdresser.

"Hey is that a crossdresser. Wait is he wearing our uniform." I exclaimed, pointing at the man wearing our, admittedly skimpy, girl's school uniform. My eyes trailed down his legs. I immediately regretted my decision as my eyes started to water.

* * *

The modder spat out the juice he'd been drinking as he saw the man.

"Holy shit" he whispered. "Did... did he already lose his mind?"

His eyes trailed down the man's legs.

Hmm...

A five at best. He ain't got shit on Zura.

"Zura ja nai! Katsura da!"

The modder jerked back. What the f-?

Oh. Wait wait. False alarm. Just a Gintama episode playing in the background.

* * *

"Wha? Where! Where!" Sayori looked around excitedly. I panicked, I couldn't let her be scarred for life and end up hating all men for eternity. Or worse, decide that she wanted to see _me_ in a skirt.

"Ah! Yes, you wanted me to join a club right. Ahahaha. How could I forget? Silly me" I bopped my own head with a tongue out my lips and channeled my inner Sayori.

Sayori looked at me and clapped her hands. "You remember! That's great! I thought you weren't paying attention to me. So, have you decided yet?"

"... the anime club?" I hazarded with a shrug.

"Jaaaack... you'll never socialize at this rate. Seriously, it's like I'm the only person you talk to." She elbowed me.

"Does it even matter? It's just a club right? I could probably sleep with that time... hey is there a sleep club."

Sayori looked at me with curious eyes. "A sleep club? What would people do in a sleep club?"

What kind of a question was that?

"You know... they'd sleep with other peop- That did _not_ come out right" Wait did I just walk into that one.

A glance at her shaking figure confirmed my suspicions. "Wooow Jack. I meant getting close to people but not _that_ close! I'm happy you are taking this seriously though" she managed to say before the dam burst and she fell against me giggling uncontrollably.

I grumbled under my breath and led her through the school gate. I should probably hurry though as the bell just rang.

Walking into the hallway the crossdresser once again caught my eye. As if noticing my gaze he stared back at me. He then did something that'd fuel my nightmares for days to come.

He winked and blew a kiss at me before disappearing around the corridor.

I hugged Sayori closer. I felt something in me die just then. The giggling girl happily returned my hug unaware of my inner turmoil.

* * *

The modder tilted his head.

Wow, protag x Gintoki.

Random indeed.

He grinned.

A new world ripe for exploration.

Let the game begin.

In his excitement he didn't notice the new text file that'd appeared in his game folder.

hhfe **i** deew392b= **n** 9h3k15/** **d** nfn3 **e** hh3h2h **e** u0u32-39 **d** oiohoiho902ohohohoho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Hope you liked a peek into my mind! Please leave a review if you can. I'd love to know what you think.


	3. Sayori Interlude- Lass and Sunglasses part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.
> 
> Author's Note: This chapter doesn't occur until later into the story. But since I'd written it I'm posting it anyway for shits and giggles. Once I reach this part of the story I'll change the chapter order, so until then enjoy...

* * *

**Important Author's note:**

**Guys please tell me if you ever find any of my stuff depressing. I don't want people to get depressed after reading this. I'll remove the parts which** ****you** tell me are depressing okay? I don't want to upset anyone. And don't ever think that you'll be the reason I remove parts of my story. You guys are more important to me than some story okay. And with that, please enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

She smiled. A happy upturn of her lips. Cheeks flexed to convey joy. It was all she could do to uphold her charade. Her selfish _selfish_ charade. Jack didn't need her dragging him down. No, not when he was already kind enough to spend time with someone like her.

Not Jack. Never Jack.

She knew that he thought she was annoying. Always forcing him to look after her, his airheaded childhood friend. She didn't want to imagine how much he would hate her if he found out.

Found out that she was just pretending. All the times she'd wander into the streets and call him sheepishly that she was lost. All the times she'd starve herself to make him feel responsible for feeding her insatiable hunger.

She hugged herself and looked out the window, away from where he was sitting hunched over a poem on his desk. She didn't want to look at him, not when her traitorous mind would picture his incensed face.

But she couldn't help it. The lies just poured out of her, a broken stop-gap. Intended to barricade but entirely ineffectual. She'd do anything. _Anything._ To get his attention. Anything that got him to spend time with her. Even if it meant deceiving him, her most precious friend. The only light in her dim world.

She got out of bed for him. To see his face. She forced herself to make friends. To not burden him too much. She put on that stupid bow. To make him think she was cute enough to hang around.

A hollow chuckle escaped her lips. She'd even forced him to join the literature club. Oh, she knew he'd at least humor her request and drag himself to the club room. But actually stay there and join it? A club where she was sure he'd be bored to death and would rely on her, _and only her,_ for entertainment? She'd been banking on the other girls for that.

_And look at how well that turned out._

She watched him interact with the club members. And hated herself even more. Selfish selfish selfish. It's what she deserved for being such a selfish and manipulative _bitch_.

Every time he read with Yuri, sitting so close together, touching shoulder to shoulder, she felt like screaming.

Every time he and Natsuki snickered over their manga, she felt needles piercing through her chest.

Every time Monika took him aside to give him her little tips, she felt like upending her ink bottle all over her.

Maybe it was her punishment.

She stood up and gathered her books, placing them listlessly into her bag. It was too much, losing him everyday. How long before he'd forget about her entirely?

A glance at him showed him listening to Yuri. The girl spoke with a big smile while waving a book at his face.

_I bet it's another one of her horror fetishes._

Leaving now would only make her that much more insignificant before the other girls. That much more forgettable. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't stay, not when the air threatened to suffocate her.

_Maybe..._

She shook her head and headed for the door.

"Hey where're you going!" she heard Natsuki call her. "If I have to stay then so do you!" the girl spoke with puffed up cheeks, looking up from her place on the floor with her manga.

She turned around with a sheepish smile. "Ehehe, I'm waaay exhausted Natsuki! My poem made me stay up the whole night! Keeping up with you guys is hard you know." She rubbed the back of her head and grinned.

The tiny girl glared at her for a second before sighing. She rummaged through the cover on her lap and tossed up a cupcake at her. "Just get home safe." she said before continuing reading.

Her stomach rumbled at the sight of the cupcake. Food lay before her for the first time that day. But as she walked away she stuffed it in her bag, she didn't feel like eating.

Not when Jack didn't even notice her leave the room.

* * *

She looked at the ground with dejected eyes. The empty park her only company. Her house didn't seem appealing at the moment. Trusting herself not to do something stupid didn't seem very smart.

" _Kuuugh-k-k helllpp._ "

She'd wait till Jack returns and hole up in his house for a while.

" _S-S-Seriously k-kaack- I'm gonna d-d-d-kuh!"_

That always cheered her up. His feelings on that didn't matter now did they. He didn't complain. Why would he? When she acted all cutesy in front of his family.

Maybe she should just go away. Far far away where she wouldn't bother anybody.

" _K-Kiiid..."_

Far enough that nothing else would matter. Far enough to not feel anything... anymore... No one would miss her. Hehe. Now that's a happy thought. She should jus-

Something smacked her on the head.

She yelped and grabbed her skull. Rubbing the struck spot, she spotted the culprit. A pair of sunglasses lying innocuously on the floor. She picked them up with pursed lips and examined them.

Where did they come from? She looked around the park. Did someone throw them at her?

" _U-Uup heerrree."_

She looked behind the bushes.

" _N-Nooo uup upp"_

She looked inside the playground teacups.

" _Ooh s-s-shit."_

She found some curiously shaped dog stool. Better clean that up.

" _Oh c-c-come on! Y-You're w-w-worse than those jackasses!"_

Jack! Where?! Her face jerked at the utterance of that sweet one syllabled word. Her ears traced the path of that candied sound. Her eyes, however, did not find what they were expecting.

Her mouth dropped open in horror.

" _Ahaha k-kuugh l-little help."_

"Aaaaah!" she screamed at the sight of the poorly dressed unshaven man. He didn't seem like a person children should go near. Especially with how conspicuous he looked. Hanging around.

" _Grrk l-l-last l-legs. A-any s-s-second now"_

Oh and he was currently dangling from a tree via noose. Go figure.

Sayori ran towards the chosen tree and fretted. "What do I do? What do I do?"

" _P-p-pull me d-d-down. L-ladder"_

"Right!"

She spotted the fallen over ladder and quickly set it against the tree. She climbed up, grabbed a hold of the man and-

" _W-Wait! N-Not literally!"_

Pulled him down with all her weight.

" _Kaah!"_

The man's eyes bulged. Sayori lost her footing.

"Aah!" The treacherous ladder fell down. Sayori tightened her grip on her unfortunate victim.

She dangled via man, dangling via noose, dangling via tree branch.

"Aaahh!" Sayori screamed.

" _Kaaahh Hatsuuuu!"_ The man tried to scream.

"Brch. Twi Twi Twi. Brrrch." The branch got snappy.

" _ **I've had enough dad! I always gotta listen to you! Always gotta grow where you tell me to! I'm sick of it!" The branch told off his father.**_

_**The silent tree spoke up. "I take you in, give you leaves, show you the sun and this is how you speak to me." the tree whispered, droplets of water fell from its leaves. "... Get outta my trunk." The leaves shook.** _

" _ **What?" the branch asked, shocked.**_

" _ **You want to be your own tree? Then stop being such a twig and grow up! The world is a harsh place... I made a mistake protecting you all the time but no more."**_

" _ **Dad..."**_

" _ **Go bud. I believe in you. Be the best damn tree you can and don't show me your leaves until then." The tree faced away from the sun.**_

" _ **I'll make you proud dad... Goodbye" The branch bid his father farewell.**_

The branch holding the screaming duo broke off.

The ground didn't know what hit it.

.

.

.

You couldn't blame it now could you. Lots of things hit it all the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this didn't feel too out of place, even though it is. And I'm sure you smart folks can guess who the enigmatic dangler is. Let me know your thoughts people! I love them!


	4. Chapter 3: Club Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.
> 
> Author's note: This chapter follows from chapter 2. Enjoy...

* * *

I got safely to class without further mental molestation. The damage however, I fear had already been done.

I sat down on my desk with a shudder, setting my bag on the floor. Sayori plopped down into the desk beside mine and began chattering. But in the face of the stark image seared into my mind, that perm-headed crossdresser with a short skirt blowing a kiss in my direction, her voice became meaningless noise.

"So there's these three other members-"

Once you saw a man like that it's difficult to get that picture out of your head. It changed you as a person. It made you question the fundamental aspect of what it meant to be a human being.

Was it to grow up, marry, have kids and die? Was it to renounce all worldly pleasures and become a NEET? Who even was I? Who was Jack? A human? An ape? A personification of an otherworldly being used as a puppet? A Jackass?

An idea? Was I bulletproof? Did I do my homework? Did Sayori do her homework? Would she let me take a peek?

I buried my head in my hands and wept. I didn't know anymore. The world didn't make sense. It all crumbled to dust before that accursed _kiss._

"-really hoping another to fill out the member requirements-"

Only prolonged exposure to cute girls could cure me now. It might not fix my fractured reality but it just might help me get through life. Give me something to look forward to as I format my brain. I clasped my hands and prayed to the powers unseen.

_Oh mighty force beyond, heed my prayers. I beg of you to wash me off the plague in my within. Please restore my faith for I want to believe! Show me a way, nay a sign of your existence!_

"-oh and the other members are girls by the way-"

Her words snapped my head towards her.

"-they're pretty cute so don't you go bothering them!-"

A well of hope sprung inside me. Sayori appeared to me as a harbor would to a drowing man. As a new anime to a veteran otaku. As a treat to a hungry pup.

The sun illuminated her figure from behind, bringing out the shades of her chestnut hair and rosy complexion. At that very moment an epiphany hit me.

Oh my god my best friend was a goddess!

Sweet!

Oh, she expected a reply. Right.

[Hmm... I'll check it out]

[Take me my goddess!]

[In a world barren of hope you appear to me my angel]

[CUTE GIRLS NOW! RAWR!]

I chose to be subtle.

I fell down on one knee before her, opened my arms and procalimed to the world.

"Take me my goddess!"

...

Huh? Why was everyone staring at me? Why were they standing? Ooh the teach entered the room. That's a curious shade of red Sayori's wearing. Oh man is she mad? My head fell in shame.

I blew it again. I didn't deserve my goddess's gifts. I stood up and ran out of the class. My tears trailed in the air. A remnant of my commited dishonor.

A second hand account later told me how my teacher sighed at my theatrics and instructed Sayori to go fetch me from my pit of despair.

* * *

The modder guffawed.

The MC became a drama queen. Nice!

* * *

The day went by without me suffering further cardiovascular flip flops. My goddess had found me brooding near the janitor's closet, wondering if the mop could clean the sins off my soul.

I asked Sayori such. She punched me and dragged me back to the class, demanding that I never call her a goddess again. Her face burned as red as the volcanoes of the primitive earth.

Oh such dishonor I brought her! It stung my pious heart that the mere sight of me caused her to avert her gaze!

Anyway, my failed foray into Sayori worship aside the classes proceeded as usual. The roll call, the lecture, the obligatory teacher's chalk throw practice and the assigning of work.

It made me wonder if the teachers got a kick out of seeing their student's groan and moan about their daily scholastic labor. I made a note to ask my godd- I mean ask Sayori later. She'd know.

I now found myself walking through the school's hallway with Sayori. The classrooms boomed with life as the club activites proceeded. A sweet scent filled my nostrils just then and I stopped in my tracks.

Pasting myself to the window of the classroom from where the smell came from, I saw a group of students standing around slack jawed. They stared at some sort of exquisite pastery being proudly displayed by an atheletic looking girl with brown hair. She had a cute ribbon too.

"Jack! Come on! That's the baking club, the literature club is around the corner." Sayori tugged my hand. "I don't want to be late."

I whined and tore my gaze off the delicious smelling dish. I didn't want to cause Sayori any more trouble.

Again we bounded off, with Sayori in the lead. Along the way I found many yellow pamphlets advertizing some yoro... yorozuya? Odd jobs? What, did someone need their fence painted or something?

I picked up one of the pamphlets stacked near the bulletin board and immediately felt the cheap texture of the paper. Made me wonder if the advertizer was just as if not more cheap. Oh and lookie here, a picture of the yorozuya founde-

...

Nope! I didn't see anything!

I tore the pamphlet and threw it in a dustbin.

Ahahaha!

I ran upto Sayori and held her hand just like when we were kids. She didn't object, surprisingly.

Aww, she always knew when I needed comforting.

We stopped before my supposed haven, the literature club full of cute girls!

Sayori left my hand, the world became a tad scarier again, and looked at me with a stern look. "Now look Jack, I don't know what got you like this but-"

"The hell do you mean this is your club!"

Sayori's eyes widened at the shout which came from the door behind her.

"You can't just come in here and take over! That's against the rules."

Sayori looked at me with a worried face. I shrugged.

"Eeeh?" Said a deeper voice in a drawl. "Rules? I'm sorry but I'm not very good with rules. I made a name for myself not following the rules you know. Was a rebel and all." It sounded a bit sharper at the end. "Ever heard of the Joi four?"

"The what?"

"Tch. Yeah whatever... I'm taking over. Whoopee." said the once again lazy drawl.

"Y-y-you! Argh!"

Concerned about what might be happening I swung the door open and beheld three people.

The first one was a tall violet haired girl who seemed to be shrinking into herself. She was quite pleasing to the eyes and had an air of maturity to her.

The second was a short pinkette with blazing eyes. Steam seemed to puff out her ears as she fixed the person in front of her with a smoldering glare.

The third one, the subject of the pinkette's ire was busy excavating his nose. Wait... why was he wearing a skirt...

Terror gripped my heart.

The man looked at me. He smirked.

I gulped.

"Hey there handsome~ Fancy meeting you here."

My heart started racing.

"Aww, don't tell me you're following little ol'me."

He winked and blew a kiss.

My scream filled the entire school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Wassup ladies and gents. Hope you liked this chapter. Good day peeps!


	5. Chapter 4: Flipsy-daisy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"

"Oi-"

"-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"

"-getting annoying no-"

"-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"

A hand slapped itself over my mouth.

"-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmph-"

The man leaned in close and whispered. "If you don't shut up, I'll _make_ you shut up. And I'm sure you've seen enough movies to guess how. Hm?" He gave me a lazy smile.

"..."

Once again I stood at the crossroads of divergent destinies.

[Push my luck]

[Knock him off his feet]

[Flirt back]

[Flip his skirt and run away]

I steeled myself. No longer would I be a coward!

I flipped his skirt.

"Kyaa!" His hands shot to his cover his legs. His face blushed in embarrassment.

Hah! Take that! I decided to further my attack, give him a taste of his own medicine.

I whistled. "Nice boxers. Blue really suits you."

He jumped a foot away. "O-Oi that's sexual harassment."

Yes! Tremble!

"Hey, you don't mind if it's me now do you?" I said in a husky voice. "After all those moments we had. With you winking." And me screaming in terror.

His eyes widened and a shiver ran through him. "S-Shut up!" he said meekly, holding one arm. He looked away, stole a glance at me and looked away again. "B-Baka." His face burned red. "Y-You don't even know my name and you're saying such things..."

I blinked. This looked awfully similar to those movie scenes he spoke of. His face, my words, the tension in the air.

Oh shit.

"H-How do I know if you're being serious or just playing with my heart?" He wiped tears off his face. "You can't be so irresponsible with your words. You don't know what they might do to a maiden's heart. What... feelings might blossom." He smiled at me.

Like a love struck teen.

...

"Sayori" I whispered.

She looked at me. Her eyes were wide as saucers. No doubt her shock at finding out my womanizing ways.

"Jack?"

"Can I get a hug?"

Seeing my pained face, she wordlessly walked over wrapped her arms around me. I wondered how many more Sayori-therapies I'd need today.

"And you get so close with another girl just after doing all those things with me Jackie. How cruel~" the man snickered.

Yep, add one more to the tally.

"I'll be crying in that corner if you need me" I croaked out and let her go after one final squeeze. I limped like a wounded pup towards my corner of shame for the day.

As I pulled up a chair to sit down I could _feel_ the smug radiating off the man behind me. That bastard, playing with my feelings like that. Doesn't he know he shouldn't be so irresponsible with his words. What they might do to a guy's heart.

I pursed my lips, noticing what I'd just thought. I... I need more therapies. Sayori will be very busy today after school. Maybe I can bribe her with food.

"Now if your boys love is done-" I cringed as the pinkette said that "-can we get back to how this isn't your club! And why the heck are you wearing a girl's uniform!" She folded her hands.

The man drew a chair with his foot and planted himself on it. He hung his head back and stared at the ceiling. "Well you see, I have this rich uncle who died recently and I'm trying to get the money he left me in his will."

The pinkette scowled. "What does that have to do with how you're old enough to decay in a girl's uniform."

"Natsuki." The tall one prodded her with a frown.

The man lifted his head and gave her an annoyed look before letting it fall back again. "One of the conditions was that I had to finish my high school. And he had a stupid sense of humor. So yeah pinkie, I'm stuck like this for a few days."

"The name's Natsuki." She ground out.

"One of the conditions was that I had to finish my high school. And he had a stupid sense of humor. So yeah Natsuki I'm stuck like this for a few days." He tilted his head and eyed her. "Happy?"

The pinkette, Natsuki glowered at him and turned to the other two girls. "What do you guys think? I think he's just some creep- Ow! Hey!" Unfortunate nephew had thrown a card at the back of her head. It hit her and fell on a desk.

The tall girl picked it up. "It's, it's his student id" she mumbled, turning it over. She sniffed the air. "It, smells like strawberries? Huh?"

"Gimme that." Natsuki snatched it. She held the card against the sun and squinted. "It has to be a fake, no way they'd let someone like him in." She twisted and turned the card.

"Oi don't tear it" the man said, but didn't seem too concerned.

"Hmpf" Natsuki smiled smugly. "Maybe I should do that. That'll get you out of our club-" She looked at the card. "Sakata Gintoki."

Sakata Gintoki? Heh, now I had a name to the face I'd scream to in the nights...

And I meant nightmares, not whatever the lewd part of my brain just suggested. Hmm, would Sayori prefer hamburgers or noodles.

"Hey crybaby." I looked up, that could only be me. Sadly. "Catch."

I plucked the card out of the air. The pinkette grinned at my catch.

"What do you think, you seem to be the one who knows him best." she said.

I turned the card over. Read his name, date of birth... whoa he was in his twenties? Could've fooled me with that hair.

"Hey" I winced at the sound of his teasing voice. "How does it feel to hold me in the palm of your hand Jack?"

I immediately threw the card back at him. What the hell?! What was his problem?!

He burst out laughing. "Oi, b-be more gentle." he managed to wheeze out, in midst of his doubling over.

Therapies. Lots and lots of therapies. Well, that or cute girls. Anything goes.

A knock of the door alerted all of us. Was someone else here to join the club?

Sayori walked over and opened it. "Hi, are you here to join the literature club?" she said, the smile in her voice evident.

I cranked my head to see who it was standing before Sayori. I could just make out long black hair tied into pigtails and a judo uniform.

"Huh?" the newcomer said, sounding confused. "I thought this was the yorozuya? Am I at the wrong place?"

"Yes! You are-"

"No! You aren't-"

Two voices spoke at once and the speakers stared at each other. One annoyed and the other pissed.

I scratched my head. This'll be interesting.

**_Mysterious things are happening at the school. Would you like to have another perspective? Yes/No_ **

**_-D_ **

* * *

**_Mysterious things are happening at the school. Would you like to have another perspective? Yes/No_ **

**_-D_ **

The modder stared at the question on the screen.

What perspective? Something other than the main character's? This never happened before. This wasn't even in the game. He only added Gintoki, so why was the game asking him about another perspective?

The game's changing? Monika's supposed to be the only sentient part of the game. So why was the game changing?

That couldn't be good right?

And where was she anyway? She was supposed to be in the club. Was this her doing? Or is this because of his own meddling?

The question glared at him from the screen, illuminated by thousands of pixels. Make a choice it said. Make the correct choice to a question you're spooked as shit about it said.

Well, what harm could it do? It's just a perspective right? Maybe he can figure out what caused this question to be prompted.

The modder typed.

_Yes_

**_Thank you for your response. You won't regret it! :)_ **

**_-D_ **

And who the hell was D?

* * *

She wandered the halls looking for company but could find none.

She searched for things she couldn't do but could find none.

She quested the clubs looking to be beaten but could not.

She roamed the school hoping to be excited but could not

The praises they poured her way lost their flavor in their concentration. She could walk faster than they could run. She could bake a hundred cakes while they each one.

At first it made her happy. To be appreciated and looked up to. But after you do it the first time, it just feels like going through the motions. No life. Her hands move on their own in precise measures, her legs kick off with just the right power. It's like her body didn't know how to be imperfect.

Which in itself was a flaw to her.

Academics did nothing for her. She had opened her books and realized that she already knew everything they had to teach. The books found themselves in the trash can after the classes.

Dismayed, she borrowed books from the senior years in hopes that she'd be stumped at some point. She was polite about not chunking them in the trash after she finished.

Now she wandered the halls. Looking for something to falter in. Thirsting for someone to lose to.

_Was there no one?_

The track club was left in the dust.

_Was there no one?_

The debate club was left speechless.

_Was there no one?_

The quiz club was left puzzled.

_Was there no one? Was there no one? Was there no one? Was there no one?_

She shook her head to snap out of her funk and gripped her fists at her sides. She couldn't give up just yet.

_There had to be someone._

With a determined face she marched ahead, she had yet to defeat the entire school. She'd be damned if she gave up before being beaten.

_There had to be_ something _interesting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Hope you guys liked the chapter. Now smash that comment button! (Not too hard though, don't want to ruin your mouse now ;) )
> 
> Ciao~


	6. Chapter 5: Challenge accepted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

The modder entered his apartment and closed the door behind him. Bags of groceries weighed down his arms as he walked over to the kitchen. He set them down on the table. Humming to himself, he brought each item out and went about placing it in its designated spot.

Silence took residence in the apartment save for the company of his voice and the birds chirping outside. It lacked the usual boisterous lollygagging of his roommates.

That either meant that they currently inhabited the Sandman's realm or that they had taken off without telling him. The modder scowled. Bastards. They never invited him.

He put the broccoli in the refrigerator and shut it a little harder than he had to.

The modder's phone pinged as he went for the pickles. Retrieving it from his pocket, he swiped it open and read the message he received.

'Hey man we'll be out all day and forgot the keys so don't lock the door 'kay :) oh and don't fall asleep 'cause we don't wanna wait till you wake up to come unlock it. Tks man! You're a real pal!'

The modder grit his teeth. Those goddamn ass-

The phone pinged again.

'Oh btw did ya get the groceries? Don't forget ;)'

He stared at the phone.

First they sleep in and don't accompany him to get the food. Then they split the moment he's gone and basically tell him to stay awake till they return. And then they had the gall to send him a reminder.

Why did he choose to move in with them again? The modder cracked his neck and set a reminder to dump ice water on their beds an hour before they arrived. What better way to cool down after an exhausting outing? He was just being a real _pal._

The modder sighed and ran a hand through his hair. No use thinking of idiots. They stayed idiots no matter how much you thought of them.

He picked up the cup of cola and the pack of chips he'd bought for himself and headed for his room.

Who needed them anyway?

The modder settled down on his chair and unsuspended his computer. Cheery music greeted his ears as the title screen with four adorable girls and one ear drilling crossdresser rendered.

The modder grinned and slurped his cola.

He had all the friends he needed.

Now if only he could get back to the MC's perspective...

* * *

"Hahaha! Please come in, please come in" Gintoki said loudly, pushing aside the pinkette and stepping in front of her. "Don't mind the little midget-"

"Midget!" the midget identified herself, looking insulted.

"-she's just cranky because she didn't get to play in the park yesterday." he said leading his potential customer to a chair with a smile. "Kids and their sandcastles you know."

The pig-tailed girl sat down, her face scrunched with worry. "Uh, s-so I need your help with something" she said, fidgeting before Gintoki who sat opposite to her. He poured her a glass of water and placed it on the desk in-between them.

"I-It might be something stupid but I'm worried." she said bunching up the hems of her uniform.

"We specialize in stupid" Gintoki said flatly. "More than I'd like to admit but yeah that's the yorozuya's specialty. So how can I hel-"

Natsuki's hands slammed down on the desk with a thud. "Nope! I'm not letting this happen. You're not doing your shady business in my manga room-"

"It's the literature club..." the tall girl muttered.

"-So get out _now._ Before I call the teachers."

Gintoki ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Look kid there _is_ no literature club." Natsuki looked ready to erupt. "I mean what's the minimum members requirement. I don't see five of you."

Natsuki glared at him. She then glared at me. "Hey! Crybaby! You in or what!"

Did I have a choice?

_**Heh.** _

She looked ready to bite my head off if I said no. I glanced at Sayori, standing behind everyone else and... grabbing cupcakes? Hey I want some. That selfish glutton...

I turned to the tall, and quite frankly beautiful, girl. Her eyes widened at my attention and she began looking everywhere but me.

Wow, her blush makes her even prettier. The way she averts her eyes such that you'd only catch a glimpse of them between her long violet hair. I'd probably suffer a nosebleed if she starts biting or licking her lips. If life were an anime that is.

Would she fall over if I asked her out? Poor thing looked about ready to bolt from the room. Wait, how long was I staring. I glanced at Sayori, three cupcakes had disappeared.

Damn it! I've been staring at her for like three cupcakes. I mean that's not long, it's Sayori after all, but still. She must think I'm some weirdo.

Quick brain. Witty one liner!

[Dayum girl if you were a book I'd read you all day~]

[I know we just met and this sounds crazy but, will you be my goddess?]

[Are you a supermod-

_**Later maybe, not now.** _

I merely smiled at her. She whined cutely and hid her her face.

Hm, well? Cute girls were my objective. So yeah I guess I'll join. What's the worse that could happen?

"Yeah, I'll join you guys." I said out loud, attracting Natsuki's attention from bickering with Gintoki.

"Huh, oh great. There we now have five members. So there!" She smiled smugly and turned her nose up at him. It seemed to grow a few inches.

Gintoki's eyes twitched. "Where is your off button?"

_**... This is going nowhere fast.** _

_**Hey Natsuki don't you think that's enough.** _

I got to Natsuki and tapped her on the shoulder. "Hey Natsuki don't you think that's enough" I whispered, gesturing at the girl who'd come in. Her sleeves busily rubbed her eyes.

"W-Why am I crying?" she said under her breath.

Natsuki stepped back in shock, the wind blew out of her sails. "O-oh" she said "I didn't mean to" she said with brows raised.

_**Hey it's okay! We're just having a succession problem that's all.** _

I smiled at the crying girl. "Hey it's okay! Tell us what's bothering you. We're just having a succession problem that's all. Natsuki here has her eyes set on the president's position. But good ol' Gintoki won't let her have it will he."

I leaned in close and whispered. "I swear he's even trying to seduce people for their votes. I mean just look at what he's wearing!" The girl hiccuped and then a tiny giggle poked its way out of her. "Frankly, I'm scared about what he's planned for me." I said and shivered. The snickers became full blown laughs.

Gintoki quirked an eyebrow at me and slowly nodded. "Yeah. What he said. Now please tell me how I can help you. Let's start with your name if that's fine."

The girl nodded, smiling at him. "My name is Saya, from class 2-E and... Gintoki was it?"

"At your service" he gave her a two fingered salute.

Saya nodded once again. Her eyes fell on the desk and she pursed her lips. She took a deep breath and let it out shakily. "Right" she said. "Right, I'm just... just working up my nerve."

I rubbed the back of my neck, uncomfortable at watching a girl's spirits fall down. You want to comfort them but you don't know if that'd get you a slap in return.

She let out a final breath and looked up. Her inner worries now fortified by an outer facade. The steel in her eyes brittle, but nevertheless steel. "I want you-"

I listened with bated breath.

"Want you to-"

What could it be? What could it be to have shaken her so much?

"To- to-"

Yes, tell us. What is it? I'd scooted closer without realizing it. My shoulder bumped into a mop of pink hair. Oh, she'd scooted closer too.

"S-s-s-"

S-s-s what!

"Spy on my boyfriend!" she all but shouted. Her eyes clenched shut. "I think he's cheating on me!"

... so instead of confronting him you want a crossdresser to spy on him? Are you being paranoid or vindictive? I'm sure he'd probably sweat bullets the second he spots dear Gintoki here hiding behind a street lamp in his neighborhood.

I can see the headlines already. 'Local boy stalked by crossdresser working for ex-girlfriend: Kinky or just plain weird?' I mean they _would_ break up after such an episode in their relationship right? Or maybe not. Love is mysterious that way.

The pink mop bumped into my shoulder again. I glanced at her and saw a grin on her face. Was she into this kind of stuff? I mean she's bouncing on the balls of her feet and all. And she did mention that boys love thing.

Dear Sayori in heaven I hope she doesn't ship me with that bastard.

"-here are his details" Saya said, passing the yorozuya founder a slip of paper.

Gintoki took the slip and read it. "So, Yamamoto Daisuke huh?" he said, putting the paper on the desk. "Anything more you can tell me about him?"

"He meets with a girl. Every Tuesday. Behind school" she said, her tone frigid. "He lied straight to my face when I asked him. Told me it was just business." She slammed her fist on the desk. "What business would he have with a girl like her?!" Her shoulders shook. "What business... would he have... with her"

"A girl like what? Saya" Gintoki asked her. A gentle look on his face.

"One who dyes her hair and chews bubble gum like she's part of a gang or something" she said, glaring. "I want to know what's happening. If he's cheating on me. Will you help me? I'm willing to pay for your services"

Gintoki stood up and made a sweeping bow. "The yorozuya is at your command" He then froze. "Gah!" he yelped and stood up straight covering his behind.

Huh? Guess he thought he was wearing pants or something.

Saya then bid us farewell and good luck. She informed us where exactly behind the school Daisuke conducted his meetings.

"So!" Natsuki began cheerfully. "Now that your little meeting is done could you vacate the club room?"

Gintoki smacked his face and opened his mouth. "Are you still-"

_**Hey guys why don't we challenge each other? The winner gets to keep the club! Doesn't that sound exciting!** _

"Hey guys-" I cut off Gintoki and inserted myself in between them "why don't we challenge each other? The winner gets to keep the club! Doesn't that sound exciting!"

"What challenge?" Natsuki frowned. "We don't need any challenge"

"... I'm listening" Gintoki said.

_**Well we need five members right-** _

"- and we both don't have enough members-"

_**-so the loser has to join the other club-** _

"- what do you guys think?" I turned to Sayori and the other girl.

Sayori was on the ground, groaning. Cupcake crumbs crusted her lips . She motioned the tall one closer and muttered something in her ear.

"She says whatever Jack wants" the tall girl said.

I grinned. "And you?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "If that would stop your conflict of interest then yes?"

I turned to Natsuki. "So pinkie-"

"What did you call me-"

"Since you're the one who has a problem with the yorozuya why don't you be the one to give the challenge"

She puffed her cheeks and looked at Gintoki who stared back at her with a bored look. "Hey" she said.

"What?" he said.

"... do you like poetry?"

"... no."

"... good."

"Good?"

"Yeah, good."

"... goddamn it." he sighed and gave her an irritated look.

"Hey" he said.

"Yeah" she said.

"So you four are together right?"

Natsuki gave us all a glance.

"Yeah."

"... do you like legwork?"

"... no."

"Good."

"Good?"

"Definitely, good. For me that is." Gintoki smirked, it looked evil. "Guess who's earning some free money today?"

Natsuki tilted her head. "I don't get it."

Oh I got it. The tall girl pinched her nose and groaned, she seemed to get it as well. "Nice going Natsuki." she mumbled.

I chuckled weakly. Why did I open my big fat mouth? Now I had to do work. Even after school. I couldn't even back out because I was the idiot who suggested the idea.

Well at least I'd have company in my misery. Very cute company.

And that's just-

_**Perfect.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good day peeps! Thanks for reading.
> 
> Ciao~


	7. Chapter 6: Mouse Trap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

_**:)** _

_**How do you control the mice that wish to deny death?** _

_**Do you give them cheese?** _

_**No No NO** _

_**burn them** _

_**First you add the seasoning...** _

_**WW91IGhlYXRoZW5zCg==** _

_**:}** _

* * *

My phone flashed a message across its screen.

'She doesn't seem to be in her home room. I'll look around. :/ '

I scratched my cheek. Well there goes that idea. Looks like the gods have ordained that I suffer the exertions of manual labor.

Before me, Natsuki and Yuri walked. Well more like stomped with purpose and glided on the floor but you get the idea. Students populated the corridors, milling about. To the untrained eye, there appears only one kind of student but to ones as polished as mine there appear many species of them.

There's the kind that sleep through class and continue sleeping after class and get up only to swear at having missed their favorite show.

There's the kind who forget that classes are done with and tail the teacher into the staff room, imprisoning the poor souls till their curiosity is quenched. Every query a lashing upon the teacher's intellect.

There's always that one person who seems to have the ability to teleport because they are all over the damn school in various instances of occupation.

The ones that seem to phase through the floor after the day's done with. Did they even exist before the day let up? They're like that face you never seem to recollect.

The dyed up dudes that when you bump into them bump you back further and further and go ' _Eh? Eh?'_ like they just lost their hearing and their sense of motion. Maybe that's why they dyed their hair. I swear it's all this radiation going to their head.

And then there's the kind that'll use any excuse to breathe the same air as members of the opposite sex way out their league.

I'm sure any higher dimensional being hearing my thoughts knows where I probably fall in.

Am proud of it y'all!

Just not proud of the fact that I hadn't done much other than just breathe the air around them. I've pretty much set up a patrol route, a perimeter if you will. No molecule of air in the vicinity was spared from my onslaught of savage breathery! Sniff! Goes the air into my nostrils, justifying my existence. Then I go to the next place and sniff! Justified my existence again. Damn I'm good at this.

To an outsider I might as well appear the human equivalent of a sniffer dog. But to a fellow out of leaguer, would appear a man out his wits, bereft of topics to strike up, buckling under the pressure of first impressions, and a resistance against the stupid urge to say the obvious like 'You pretty!'.

I received nods of acknowledgement and discreet thumbs up from other patrollers in midst of their activities. My fellow out of leaguers silently supported me, stroking the flames of 'taking the initiative' within me. I hope I don't screw this up.

"Hey did you know that life is but a video game and all men and women merely players! How else did Psycho Mantis turn on the rumble feature!" I blurted out with a smile. Philosophy got girls right?

Many face-palms sounded across the hall. Heads were shaken, and looks of painful understanding directed my way.

Man I just can't catch a break can I. When Natsuki and Yuri looked my way, probably surprised that I spoke at all, I laughed and waited for my brain to get me out of this mess. I can already see Narsuki's smirk and Yuri's frown.

[Bulge you eyes out and fake a heart attack]

[Jump out the window. You're a man, assert your manliness with your defiance of common sense and adherence to stupidity]

[Extol the virtues of the goddess Sayori. Praise be unto her!]

[Wave back. Just be happy they looked your way]

...

But nothing came.

I blinked heavily. What? That never happened before. My brain always told me what to do. It never abandoned me. Whenever I had to make a decision it held my hand and guided me through it like a mother taking their child through the traffic.

I always listened to it. Even though it made me out like a fool most of the time. But I never questioned it. Why would I? It had my best interests at heart. Though some of its suggestions had me doubting it's sanity. Streaking through the moonlight being one of it's crazier ones. Not to mention dressing up like a teddy bear for Halloween.

Hey it got girls alright! Don't judge me, me! Never did women of all ages surround me more than then. All those hugs and kisses... good times. The blissful grin on my face would've needed a crowbar to pry it off.

"- you fight big boss-"

So yeah I never disregarded it's choices. It helped me take action I'd be too cowardly to take. It made my boring life more interesting. Everything considered, what _was_ my life? A guy going to school? That it? What next? A guy going to college? Job? Some middle class romance, marriage, kids and then a grave? That ain't right.

That ain't right at all.

So yeah I always listened to it.

"- interesting idea isn't it. Life being a virtual simulation -"

I snapped to attention from my inner angst.

Oh god their mouths were moving. My fellow patrollers frantically waved their hands at me. Come on! Their gestures said. Don't screw it up again! Their faces conveyed.

I engaged my brain. Come on don't leave me man.

[...]

[...]

[...]

[...]

But nothing came.

I looked back at them, helpless. They seemed expectant. Natsuki looked up eagerly, her hands fisted in a boxer's pose. While Yuri had one hand folded and the other to her lips, lost in thought.

"Come on tell us!" Natsuki said, shaking her fists up and down.

Tell you what-

My phone rang. Oh thank god!

I made an 'I'm sorry but I have to get this smile'. Turning away, I put the phone to my ear and whispered my heartfelt thanks to the person on the other end.

"I love you"

I said with as much tenderness you can put into a phrase without giving the other person cavities and a stomach upset.

"... I know I kept teasing you but I really don't know you that well. Sorry if I led you on."

"..."

"Man now I just feel bad... Tell you what, finish the job and we'll go get some food okay? My treat. I'll let you down nice and gentle, hopefully you can move on. Not that anyone can really move on from _me_ but we can try our best. What do you say buddy?"

I cut the call without another word. This just ain't fair. My brain abandons me and I just confessed to a bastard. What next?

My phone rang again. My eyes twitched, hadn't he had enough. I smashed the receive button. I'll give that ass a piece of my mind. I don't need no brain telling me what to do! I'm a free man. I can make my own decisions. It's a brave new world. And it ain't ready for the Jack.

"Look here you piece of shit if you think you can just call me just to annoy me then I'll kick you ass!" I whisper-yelled into the phone.

"W-what?" The other end sniffed. "I-I just wanted to t-tell you I might be onto Monika."

I wasn't ready. The hubris in my assumption of being capable of intelligent thought amazed me. I even started thinking in complicated words to conceal my imbecility with a veil of phony sophistry. I had to say something quick, anything. My best friend didn't deserve that. I stammered out with wide eyes-

"S-Sayori I didn't mean-"

"You jerk!"

The line cut off. Removing the phone from my ear, I stared blankly ahead. My hand ran over my face and I sighed. The breath which came out seemed to chip a part of me with it, leaving me weaker.

A hand touched my shoulder from behind. "Are you okay?" Yuri asked me. She sounded worried, how nice of her.

I nodded "Y-yeah" I cleared my throat and said in a rougher tone "Yeah let's get going." I turned around and walked ahead of them.

As we went down the stairs and entered the grounds only one thought occupied my skull.

Please... someone...

Tell me what to do.

* * *

**Location... South wing school grounds**

**Time... half past five**

**Population... deliciously low**

Crawling on all fours and creeping through the bushes, I inched closer to Yamamoto's meeting location. The sun bathed the earth in fiery orange light, casting shadows longer into the oblivion of the night. Where all shadows mix and cast onto the living. Their sins and tricks, their dark canvas painting.

Wow, not even the first day and not even the first proper club assembly and I'm already thinking like a poet.

Hearing the crinkling of leaves behind me, I turned and saw Yuri hiding behind a tree. Looking around I couldn't spot Natsuki. Which is ridiculous, considering how her hair would give away her position in an instant.

"Up here~" her voice chirped. Gazing up the tree Yuri stood under, I spotted Natsuki sitting on a branch with a pair of binoculars and war paint under her eyes. Someone was prepared. She threw a grin at me and waved her phone. Getting what she meant I dialed her number.

"Hey ready for some super sleuthing!" she said, I would've expected more reluctance in her voice regarding what led us here but hey enthusiasm works too. I nodded back at her.

"But shouldn't we get closer?" I said "We won't be able to hear anything from here."

"Well duh. I know that." she huffed, I figured. "But if we gang up then he'll spot us more easily. So that's why we'll have mission control and a spy!"

I groaned. "Don't tell me I'm-"

"Yeah! You're the spy!" she sounded so proud of that idea.

I grumbled. "Thanks" I turned to Yuri. "Help me" I whispered to her. All I got was an apologetic smile. Great.

"So-" Natsuki said "- I'll use my spycam over here-"

Just call it a binoculars.

"- and I'll direct you. And you can set your microphone to the highest setting so Yuri and I can hear what they're saying."

I thought about it. "Wait how can Yuri-"

"Conference mode obviously. Don't you know this stuff Jack. Guys should know this kind of stuff right." she chided.

Well she thought it all through I guess. Better than someone else I know. It seemed like a good plan too. Lessening the margin of error by sending fewer people into the field. If you think about it, you'd also have advance warning from the scout if something goes wrong.

Of course I'd be in more danger but I wouldn't make a fuss about it. I'd rather they not get hurt if things come to that.

And besides she appeared to be having fun. "Okay then boss tell me what to do."

She snickered. "Yeah, call me that from now on. I like that. Boss lady Natsuki."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves" Yuri pitched in. "Oh! Look there's a girl climbing down the wall."

Natsuki peered with her binoculars. "Jack... Jack I think it's time you need to move. Just follow my instructions. I can see them clearly from here."

"Roger that Boss lady" I saluted in her direction, catching her satisfied smile as she spied on our target.

I slinked closer to the edge of the bushes. From what I could see of her she seemed quite scary. And sitting in the corner there was Yamamoto if I'm correct. I couldn't see very well from-

_**Shout.** _

-here...

I took a deep breath and "A.. Aa..."

"..."

I didn't want to reveal my position.

"Natsuki is the coast clear?" I whispered.

"Uh huh. They're looking the other way. You can run over to the shed and hide behind the door. But be careful, looks she has a baseball bat with her."

I thanked her and followed her instructions. I poked my head out, checked that they were facing the other way and-

_**You feel the urge to scream out loud.** _

-and faltered slightly as I ran over to the pillar adjacent to the shed. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.

"Jack can you hear them?"

Pushing myself against the pillar I tilted my head in the target's direction and also held the phone so that they might catch something. However faint it was from where I was at, I could catch the conversation.

"You tell your girlfriend off? We don't need her shit okay." said the girl with long blond and probably dyed hair. She held a baseball bat over her shoulder and wore a different uniform than ours. "You don't want her getting involved with this."

"Leave her out of this." Yamamoto barked at her. "I did what you asked, just give it to 'em and get out."

"Oho~ we will. We will" She laughed. "The boys are really fired up today. Managed to rile them all up."

My eyes narrowed. This wasn't just a case of cheating was it. "Hey guys you hearing this?" I spoke into the phone.

"Hey Jack get outta there! There's a bunch of boys with spiked bats gathering outside near the wall." Natsuki's worried voice said.

_**Shout** _

I grit my teeth. "S-Should we call the police?"

_**Scream** _

"We'll do that later now just come back! There closing in!"

_**Yell** _

"Y-You guys go ahead." I clutched my head and fell to my knees. W-Why?

"Hey! Jack! Jack!"

_**He he he** _

The voice pounded itself into my head.

_**[Scream, there's a snake]** _

_**[Shout, there's a thief]** _

_**[Yell, there's a murder]** _

_**[Cry, there's a revolution]** _

A piercing scream tore out of my lungs.

"AAH! SNAKE! THIEF! MURDER! REVOLUTION!"

Unbidden, a smile came to my lips. My brain came back to me.

And I didn't have to think anymore.

Thanks to baseball bat that smashed my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Eheheh~ Hi guys! I hope you liked the chapter. Reviews are love~ Have a great day!
> 
> Ciao~


	8. Chapter 7: Life of a teenage program

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

**:)**

 

**What's a story without a hero...**

**What's an adventure without some romance...**

**What's a tragedy without a death...**

**What's a comedy without some blood...**

 

**A** _**travesty,** _ **that's what...**

 

**:]**

 

**I'll take you to the top,**

**The joy will never stop,**

**I'll make their hearts race,**

**With longing on their face,**

 

**For you...**

**You dashing rascal...**

 

**(:p**

 

**I will plunge you into the darkest of hells...**

**I will push you into the depths of despair...**

**You won't again rise to where sunlight dwells...**

**You won't ever escape sorrow's snare...**

 

**XD**

 

**So come...**

**Let's play a game...**

 

**Dear Friends...**

 

**:}**

 

**Won't we have a grand time...**

 

**:)**

* * *

She had them all under her thrall. Or at least that's what she thought it was. She didn't know how to better describe the crowd of boys following her like a horde of zombies with awe struck eyes.

"Oooh. Aaah." they went as she brushed her hair aside and retied her ribbon. Really, just deepen their voices and they'll sound just like a walking body of rotting flesh. Their mind already was in any case.

After all, half of them had been charmed by her fabulous ramp walk in the modeling club. Her pout and wink was what did them in. In hindsight she shouldn't have given it her all that one time.

As for the other half? She'd beaten them black and blue, in their respective club activity that is. Who knew besting people won their affection? Or mindless adoration? She certainly didn't, or she wouldn't be leading a group of lovestruck teens at her heels.

Seriously, those pink pulsating hearts in their eye-sockets were making her uncomfortable. What happened to their eyeballs? Did they throw them out in exchange? What kind of a bargain was that? And why did those hearts keep floating her way?

She had to resort to all sorts of gymnastics to dodge them. Too bad that only impressed them even more.

And now she let herself be led by some empty headed sort of girl with a bow on her head. She looked stupid if you asked her. The kind that can't pass a test without pulling an all nighter. With other people pulling all nighters to help her stay awake during her all nighter.

But she looked like a kicked puppy when she'd approached her so she relented and didn't call her stupid to her face. She normally wouldn't be so rude but she was willing to do anything to get those irritating hearts off her back!

She considered the scenario.

_She looked down on the girl on whose face a derp face would look very much at home. She smiled haughtily and told her in a language she would understand how stupid she looked._

_She folded three of her fingers in the likeness of a bow, placed it on her head, made a horse face and babbled nonsense like a one year old while wiggling her arms like a chicken._

_The girl burst into tears and ran away._

_The boys behind her whispered._

" _Damn that was cold."_

" _..."_

" _That's our ice queen!"_

" _Isn't she soo cool~"_

" _Hey do you think she'll put us down like that too."_

" _... Man I'd love to be berated by her."_

" _Me too!"_

" _Yeah!"_

" _Destroy us our queen!"_

She blanched and shook that image off her head. Well that's a disaster avoided. Anyway she'd been more intrigued by how bow-head, yep that's what she's calling her, knew her name. Apparently she was the duty shirking president of some literature club, bow-head informed her with pointed eyes.

Well _excuse_ her for catching a memory loss. It's not like she wished to get bludgeoned on the head and then sent off to school. What kind of a heartless human does that anyway. That's not what emptying the cup meant!

XxX

The modder rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

XxX

It took her missing an entire class to get the blood off her face and hair. She'd looked like a maniac with face paint! And it ruined her makeup too!

XxX

The modder felt stupid for having rubbed the back of his neck in discomfort.

XxX

She didn't want her friends, if she had any, to look at her and declare her mental. Loneliness wasn't something you wanted when you had no clue of where you were and what you were doing.

XxX

The modder felt bad for feeling stupid for having rubbed the back of his neck in discomfort. So he rubbed the back of his neck again and allowed himself to be properly discomforted. He then felt bad for feeling better about not feeling bad enough before when he should've felt bad.

All these feelings confused him and he wondered why girls caused so much confusion.

XxX

So she let herself be dragged by the girl, both out of curiosity over what her relationship with her was and to find out what kind of club she, with her memories intact, would have created. As a blank slate she'd never create a club focused on literature that's for sure, maybe she'd get a clue of what her scribbled state was like if she stepped foot in the club.

Maybe her fellow club members were close friends of hers, who could match her in every shape and form. Leading her to create a haven for them away from the dull and monotonous scholastic prison. Other than that she couldn't see why she'd create a club. Seemed like too much trouble.

It just didn't seem like her. But whatever her stateful self created, she's sure it wouldn't have been for any inane reasons like fangirling over some movie star, or getting her crush to spend time with her within the confines of club time.

She suddenly darted her head around and looked up at the ceiling. Why did she feel like she was just scoffed at...

Weird.

Anyway, she wondered if she'd given the club any name. She asked bow-head such.

"Huh? Name?" she blinked at her. Blank bewildered vacuous cluelessness filled her eyes.

...

Dear god, don't tell her she didn't know what a name was. She sighed, well no time like the present to educate the stupid. Anyway it did fall upon her as the club president to look after her underlings after all.

She put a hand on her chest and said "I. Monika. My name."

A look of confusion replaced the chasm of incomprehension as bow-head scrunched her face. Oh good, confusion was better than an unblinking back stare. It meant she wasn't dealing with a rock. You couldn't teach a rock tricks now could you.

She had to encourage the further firing of neurons in bow-head, lest they go inert again. She patted her on the head and gave her an encouraging smile. "Your name is..."

Bow-head tilted her head, again in confusion. "Uh, Sayori?"

... well it would've been better if she didn't say it like a question. But she'd take it. She patted her again. "Very good! Sayori! You're a very very smart girl." she praised her. You should always applaud children when they do something right.

"Isn't she just brilliant boys?" she asked the heart archers behind her.

"Oh yeah!"

"She's the best!"

"Make out!"

"Whoo! Goddess Sayori is one of a kind! She's so cute and clumsy and sweet and cheery. Her beautiful smile is like warm blanket over my heart."

"... dude." Shock broke out through horde at having a Sayori worshiper amongst their ranks. And they all stepped a foot away from him.

"H-hey! It's not like I have a crush on her or something! My heart only belongs to our queen!" the lone worshiper defended his integrity. The other boys shared an uneasy smile and blocked off the girls' view from the detractor.

"Hey guys what're you doing?" said the heathen's voice. "Oi Haru, what's that in you han- no... no no no! I told you! My life for the queen! My life for the queen! NOOO! NOO- mnnnph!"

His cries never reached the hallowed lasses.

Sayori sniffed. And looked away from Monika. "Y-You didn't have to do t-that." Her hand rubbed at her eyes.

Monika grimaced. Ugh, that exchange hadn't been as uncondescending on her part as she had expected. She stepped forward and placed a hand on bow-head-

"Waaah!"

-and had apparently invited herself into a tearful hug.

"H-He w-was so- so mean." said bow-head, squeezing her tighter and unleashing her tears on her shoulder. "I just wanted t-to tell him that I'd found you and he t-told me, h-he said- said-" bow-head hiccuped and buried her head into her groaning pillow.

Said pillow felt like smashing her head again and suffering another memory loss. The stupidity on display wasn't worth the recollection. Managing her best soothing voice she gently patted bow-head.

After a few minutes she managed to extricate her from her person, well not fully she was still holding her hand, and had somehow obtained a new best friend.

"Y-You're really a nice person Monika." babbled bow-head, once again in the lead as they walked to the as of yet elusive literature club. Bow-head glanced at her and beamed. "Thanks for cheering me up!" She got another hug.

She wondered what the warm feeling in her chest was. Was this what it meant to have a friend? If so, she must have forgotton it along with other important bits of her life.

"Who needs him anyway he's always so bipolar... one second he's like the kindest person you know and the next second he goes and says something you don't expect." Bow-head stared at the floor. "It's like he says that just to see your reaction..."

Bow-head shook her head and smiled again. "L-let's not talk about that anymore b-bestie!"

She wondered when the talk about boys had been two sided. And bestie? Ah, there goes that warmth again.

They stopped in front of a classroom with yellow flyers posted all over the door.

"We're here~" sang bow-head.

Taking a look at the classroom she gave bow-head a glare. "We were standing here just a few minutes ago when you had your uh, episode."

Bow-head scratched her cheek and giggled. "Ahaha, yeah I kinda got into the moment and forgot what we were doing soo-" Bow-head bonked her head and smiled back. "Teehee?"

... aah, now she got what that warm feeling was. It was the joy at having found a pastime. She smiled back at the simpleton in front of her. "Shall we?" she asked her.

Bow-head nodded eagerly and opened the door to the club and hopped inside.

She smiled and chuckled to herself.

Oh the fun she'd have at imagining her bestie's demise. And it was a literature club too. And the greats of the past were full of such delicious ideas!

She stepped into the club.

And beheld the sight of a man in a skirt too short for him that it had to be criminal, in a shirt soo tight that it was practically tearing apart and with hair so wild that it was all over the place.

He sat with a book in front of him, a skull in one hand, a pen in the other and with a wooden sword leaning against his desk.

The image of him, jarring.

The words he said- "To be or not to be... wait what was the question again"- utterly ridiculous or ridiculously philosophical.

The very air about him, sitting in a classroom, far removed from his peers of his own age, digging the confines of his auditory canal with the pen, buried among books of poetry lying around him in a heap.

It was so creepy.

It was so out there.

It was so... so...

Random.

Her eyes widened and she clutched her chest with a gasp.

Her heart...

It fluttered.

* * *

Meanwhile outside the club a serious meeting of great import took place which would have far reaching consequences.

"Men" said the the general standing before the holy advisors. The soldiers straightened up and stood at attention.

The general eyed them and began, "It has been determined by our wise and learned advisors that it is in the best interests of our cause to support and nurture the budding friendship between the queen and the goddess. The retention of bestiedom is now our prime objective."

The men exchanged glances among themselves. "What does that mean sir?" asked one particularly slow recruit.

The general nodded at him said "We're basically bringing out the ship in worship, if you get what I mean." He winked at the recruit and chuckled.

"But-" said one of the captains stepping forward "-what about Taro sir? His stance would've been perfectly fine with our present goals." The captain looked wretched and wracked with grief. "We wouldn't have had to do that to him. I- I wouldn't have had to... "

The general sighed and looked away. "I'm sorry, captain Haru. But Taro was... he was a man ahead of the times, and you know what happens to such people" The general folded his palms and said a prayer under his breath. "He was our prophet, our misunderstood guide and one of our best men. May god rest his soul." He shook his head solemnly.

The general then stomped the ground and barked out.

"Now men, what is our purpose!"

The soldiers slammed their chests and roared.

"Ship! Ship! Worship!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:- Poor Taro, a man far far ahead of the times. A moment of silence in his honor...
> 
> Ciao~
> 
> Sniff... Ah Taro... why'd it have to be you man...
> 
> why...


	9. Chapter 8: Beware your ex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

The modder scratched his head.

'Her heart...

It fluttered.'

Huh?

'Her heart...'

Wha?

'It fluttered'

Bwa?

'Her heart...

It fluttered.'

Whabwa? Bu-but what about him? The modder rubbed his eyes while his lips quivered. He blew his nose into his sleeves. They became disgustingly soggy.

How could she?! After all he'd done for her! Did their time together, albeit not the greatest of relationships, mean nothing.

'Her eyes widened and she clutched her chest with a gasp.'

Aargh! He couldn't believe it!

True love she said! Only one for me she said! And what did it take for her to forget all about him?

One measly bonk to her cranium.

I mean, come on!

'She stepped forward self-consciously and gave a shy smile to the man as he raised his hand in greeting.'

She never did that with him! Where does she come off all finger twiddling school girlish. She'd been all for murderous confidence with him. Never batted an eye when talking to him, always staring him straight in the face.

... wait. Did that make him easy or something?

...

He'd show her easy! He'd show her what she's gonna miss!

Uh... what she would have missed had she retained her memories!

He'd play to all her likes and dislikes, get as close to her as possible and then bam! Insert tragic backstory and sudden reluctance to get close to her. Oh, he'd run the hard to get routine to the ground baby! Chicks loved that shit!

Speaking as one hardened in unreal relationships of course.

But that's besides the point!

'She stepped beside the man, Gintoki... what a curious name, and asked if she could take a look at what he'd been writing.'

It'd be just him! Just the modder! Ha ha ha!

He laughed to himself and slapped his knee.

No one would get in his way! Nobody rejected him!

'She tried not to blush as his fingers, his rough and textured fingers, touched hers as he passed her his book. They were unlike any she ever felt before, their very pattern spoke of a layered past. She ignored the strawberry icing he'd passed onto her palm in their exchange.'

The modder's face fell. He stared at his own fingers. What's so special about crusting your fingers in icing? He could do it too...

He gripped his fist and banged the table. He wouldn't be outdone! He would not become a forgotton memory! He had the power to change it all!

The modder's eyes widened at the realization. A smile broke over his face.

He had the power!

He could change it!

Mwhahahaha!

His laugh held the desperation of a ex holding onto a very rosy and delusional past. Many things seem better in hindsight.

**:)**

**Player you've been playing for a while now. You should take a... break. You seem tired.**

**-D**

He's a normal guy, a perfectly normal guy! He's not insane! He didn't need a break!

The modder expressed his sanity via the command prompt.

echo "I'm not insane!"

**Nobody said you were. And that's not what sane people usually say... but what do I know? You're the one with the fluids.**

**-D**

echo "Send me back to the MC!"

**I wasn't kidding about the break. You seem tired.**

**-D**

**Why don't you let the game run in the background and go sleep? I'll be right here.**

**-D**

echo "Now! Damnit!"

'Her eyes roved over the poem he'd pushed into her hands. Amanto, parfaits, armstrong cannons. Such utter nonsense. If she wasn't careful she might actually fall. For some reason she grimaced at that thought. It felt like something familiar. Like a bad itch in her mind, trying to make itself known.'

echo "Now!"

**Alright alright, tch.**

**-D**

The modder's screen faded back to the MC.

**Well so much for that...**

**-D**

**:)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note:- Now, who can tell me where the following is from...
> 
> "Yo... Kiryu-chan!"
> 
> I'm sure that tells you where we're headed to now don't it. :/
> 
> Ciao~


	10. Chapter 9: Crossroads crossed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

_riing... riing... riing..._

"Yes... ah, it's you."

_mumble mumble mumble_

"Yeah, yeah. Nice to speak to you too. Look, about the dress. Couldn't you have given me, I don't know something _closer_ to my gender?"

_mumble mumble he he mumble_

"What the hell do you mean I look so cute! You some kind of creep or something? Preying on middle aged men."

_mumble?_

"We're people too damn it. What do- oh wait one sec. Hm? Yeah, just speaking to a friend. It's nothing, it's nothing. Why don't you correct my rhymes in the mean time... are you okay? Why's your face all red? Come closer, let me check your temperature."

_Eeep!_

_mumble?_

"Ah, it's nothing. Just girls being too scared to approach me... Oh golly! I know what's the problem! Maybe it's because my skirt is too short!"

_sniff sniff mumble_

"Okay, stop pretending. Why'd you call me?"

_mumble_

"Okay, I'm looking out the window. Look down? What's do- who are they? Didn't know the yakuza started a kiddie branch."

_mumble_

"Stay out of it? What?"

_mumble_

"What's your angle on this? Why're you helping me? You still didn't answer that."

_...mumble_

"Trust is a lot to ask for when I haven't even seen your face."

_grumble_

"Yeah, I did observe something odd. Like how no one seems to know who sky people are, or that there was a war a few years ago."

_mumble mumble mumble_

"Alright... I'll trust you for now. But if the kids get hurt. _No guarantees, got it"_

_mumble_

"Just get me a shirt and pants. I can take care of myself. Later."

_click!_

_mumble mumble_

_**chuckle** _

* * *

It hurt. It hurt a lot. I couldn't see what was in front of me. I tasted mud on my lips. My hands clutched my face, red liquid matted my forehead. I rolled on the ground, curled into myself. Trying to press the pain away by pushing against it as hard as I could.

My body quivered as I let out frightened gasps. My throat constricted, my stomach clenched and unclenched. Why was I in so much pain?

I felt something square dig into my stomach. I tried to crawl away from it, but it pinned me down. Someone laughed and something wet struck my face.

Hands shaking, I wiped it off.

Spit.

My fists struck out on their own. But who could a blind man strike. The blurs shifted and I only graced the air.

Even more laughter. A kick to the stomach. I flew into the air and slammed against the wall. I hit the floor on my knees.

I coughed and wheezed and spit the metallic taste that invaded my mouth. Something dripped down my lips. My hands brushed them. I saw splotches of red on my blurry hands and blinked.

I was bleeding.

"Stay down, will you small fry? Next time we won't be so kind."

Kind?

"Hey just kick him again yeah? That'll teach the punk to go swinging around."

A man shaped figure approached me and I shrunk away. Cowering under my arms.

"Hey that's enough!" Someone had crouched in front of me. Their hands wide open, shielding me away from the laughing voices. "He'll die if you continue! Just leave him alone."

The laughs stopped.

"... you want to die too? That what ya saying?"

"Hey this wasn't part of the- Gah!"

My shield howled as something struck him, but he stayed put in front of me.

"Guh- get away" he said. He screamed as another blow sounded across his face. "N-Now... get away!" he said.

I stumbled back onto my behind and inched away from the smacks and cries of pain. Leaning against the wall, I stood up on shaking legs and limped away as fast as I could.

"S-Sorry" I whispered, not looking behind me. I didn't want to know how the screams looked like.

What was going on? Who are these people? Were... were we set up by Gintoki?

I made my through the troves of monsters decked in another uniform. Closets, trees, corridors, staircases, all these formed my cover as I hid from their view. My breath came in painful gasps, my stomach still felt dented from that kick.

I hung behind a wall and peeked out. I grabbed a stone searched for a route I could run. As soon as he turns...

Now!

I hurled the stone at a distant wall and hit the ground with my shoes like it was my sworn enemy.

"What?! Who's there!"

No one saw me as I scrambled into the bushes. I tried to muffle my gasps with my hand as much as I could. Looking around me, I couldn't find who I'd come here for.

The girls, they were gone.

N-No... Don't tell me...

No... no...

My fault... why did I do that...

If I hadn't...

Why did I have to shout like that...

Why did you make me do that...

W-Where were they... Where were they?! These monsters... if they got their hands on them...

No no no no no.

I punched the floor.

NO!

Something slipped out my pocket and fell on the ground. My cell phone.

Wait. I could call them! I could call the girls! I snatched the phone from the ground and sat crouched against a tree. Sifting throught my contacts, my fingers scrolled to-

[Natsuki]

[Yuri]

[Sayori]

[Gintoki]

[The police]

-who do I call? Everyone had to be in danger. These people occupied most of the school from what I saw so far.

I bit my lips. I'll call the gi-

The police? But what about the gir-

Yeah. Yeah, maybe the police is a better option.

I called the police. No response.

I called them again. No response.

I tried once again. Same response.

Damn it. I clenched my fist. We're out here alone? My fingers hovered over the contacts again.

[Natsuki]

[Yuri]

[Sayori]

[Gintoki]

[T̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶o̶l̶i̶c̶e̶]

I have to call the girls, no-

I hit Gintoki's name.

Why do you choose him?

"Oi, you alright?" said his lazy drawl.

"Bastard..." came my voice unbidden. "You set us up didn't you."

"What the hel-"

"This ain't over" I said and cut the call.

I blamed him for this, I fully blamed him for this. He's the most suspicious one . But that's for later. For now-

My fingers hovered over the contacts again.

[Natsuki]

[Yuri]

[Sayori]

[G̶i̶n̶t̶o̶k̶i̶]

[T̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶o̶l̶i̶c̶e̶]

Wait, Sayori! She was searching for that president! No, she can't be roaming around now. And she can't go back to the club. Not when he's there!

I had to call her n-

Maybe I should call Natsuki. She's probably in more dang-

N-No, Sayori! She'd be headed right towards that guy!

My thumb shook.

I should call the boss lad-

S-Sayori... S-She can't deal with this.

My thumb rest an inch from Sayori's name.

I called Natsuki.

It got picked on the second ring.

"Yo, how's it doin? Let's see, minion number 1. Aww such a cute name she gave you" said a voice. A not so feminine voice.

I blanched.

"Who is this? Where is she?" I said.

"Aah!"

My eyes widened. That was her!

"You bastard! What are you doing!" I shouted.

"Aw come on minion number 1. You wound me. They're the ones doing more than us." the voice chuckled. "Man this is the most fun I had all week!"

"S-Stay away! I-I said stay away!"

Yuri!

I barked into the phone. "What the hell are you doi-"

The voice whistled. "This chick swings a knife like a pro you know. I might actually have a crush."

"Cut the crap and leave them alone!"

"Oh, quite the demand minion number 1. But you don't really order guys like us around you see. Heard how you fell down like a wuss because of a little love tap." Another chuckle. "Man that was weak!"

"This has nothing to do wi-"

"So if you want your girls back why don't you come get them? Be a man for once yeah? The assembly hall. We'll be waiting."

He cut the call.

... I- I had to-

My phone rung again. Natsuki. I smashed the call button.

"Oh and minion number one, could you bring some popcorn or some sandwiches? I'm gonna sell tickets to your beatdown here and the guys will want some refreshments. Gotta make money you know?"

"Are you-"

"Oh it's going to be brilliant! The action! The drama! Ohoho! Come quickly man! This is gonna be awesome" the giddy voice then took on a darker tone. "And we both know what happens if you chicken out, no? Hu hu hu."

He cut the call once again.

...

What do I do? How did it come to this?

I- I can't abandon them. And at the same time...

I brushed my hand against my forehead and hissed. It still stung.

I need to be in a hospital now. I- I'd die if I go. But I can't abandon them.

I can't.

What do I do?

What the hell do I do? I can't stay put here. I have to get going. But if I have to fight, I'd go down in one punch. Why the hell aren't the police picking up! Where were they when you needed them!

What the hell do I do!

[Go to the infirmary and patch up]

[Go home]

[Go to the assembly hall]

[Go to the parking lot...]

Assembly hall? You trying to kill me or something? Choose something better.

Assembly hall again? ... you're the reason this is happening.

... assembly hall? Okay.

I took one step in the direction of the assembly hall.

And turned right around and walked away. I mean after all an assembly hall is subjective right? It's just a concept. One step forward is where I assemble and one second later is when I dissemble.

I limped away.

The parking lot is where it's at.

Hope Takada-sensei still forgets his keys...

I had to thank him one of these days. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have had any practice driving.

... I should probably leave out the part where I occasionally made off with his car. During classes even.

And if I survive today? I'd give the man a big hug and buy him a brand new driverless car when I grow up.

I'd keep a copy of the keys of course. Gotta keep with tradition and all.

* * *

The modder stared at the screen flabbergasted.

Did he? Did he just shrug off his choice?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note:- Yo! Wassup y'all. Hope you liked the chapter. I hope I'm not dragging it out. Sooo, reviews! I'd love your reviews! :D
> 
> Anyway, have a great day.
> 
> Ciao~


	11. Chapter 10: Choose to die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

_riing riing_

"Jack! Jack where are you? What's going on?"

My heart soared on hearing her voice and not someone else's.

"Sayori are you okay? You're safe right?"

She didn't have to know.

"I- I don't know what's happening Jack. The boys are all standing outside the club room and not letting us out. Girls keep coming into the room one by one, all of them look scared but Monika and I are taking care of them. I can hear people outside fighting Jack. Tell me what's going on! Where are you?"

A bitter smile rose to my mouth. Protectors... that's the least I'd expected of those guys. They did better than me. Embodied a better man than me. It made me glad. Now I wouldn't have any second thoughts.

Sayori was safe.

Another thought occurred to me.

"Is the bastard there? Gintoki?"

"What? He went outside. I think he's with the boys. Why?"

Good. The farther he's away the better.

"Nothing, just... don't trust him"

"Jack what's going on?"

She didn't have to know.

"Take care of yourself Sayori."

"Jack!"

"Stay safe and keep smiling okay?"

"Jack don't -"

"You're my best friend."

"Jac-"

I cut the call.

I had things to do.

* * *

Start your engines!

3

2

1

Wroom!

Crash!

"What the hell?! You maniac!"

Boom!

"Aaah!"

Thud!

"The hell?! Duck!"

Shatter!

"Hah! Take that!"

Screech! Brake. Turn. Wroom!

"Hey take a joke man! Take a joke!"

Honk! Honk!

"Get outta the way! Jump jump! He's going to crash!"

Hoonk!

"Boss! He's coming! Clear out!"

HOOONK!

"Aaah!"

CRASH!

_Woosh..._

"Holy shit... that hang time..."

Thud.

Screeeech! Brake.

Silence.

Chuckle. Laugh.

Cackle. Insane cackle.

"Well well well, minion number one. You certainly know how to make an entrance."

Clap. Clap. Clap.

"Now, can you follow through? Or will you let us down? En garde!"

Skeeew.

"My name is Nakajima Ryu. And this is my pet Stabby. Nice to meet you minion number one. Oh wait I said en garde too soon, I'm the final boss I can't fight you right away."

Smack!

"A-Aniki?!"

"You're supposed to be my right hand! Now see what happened! I look like an idiot in front of everyone! Now shut up and make me look cool!"

* * *

I ignored the thrashing the maniac administered his goons and scanned the room for the girls.

The assembly hall, part student assembly and part basketball court. And soon to be either my grave or the site of my heroic rescue. It could be anything at this point. I hadn't really planned out further than crashing in.

Everything looked like a mess. The drapes hung in tatters, graffiti depicting certain parts of the human anatomy lay painted over the school banner, parts of the floor cracked. They'd pretty much wrecked the place.

And I hadn't helped matters any.

My entrance through the first floor had dented a hole in the floorboards, torn the doors off their hinges and shattered the glass of the overhead windows.

My eyes focused as I spotted Yuri's head poking out from behind the trolley of basketballs. I peered closer and saw a mop of pink hair ducking behind it too. I started the engine and hit the pedal.

The gangsters paid me no attention, too busy scrambling away from their aniki.

Stabby seemed eager to tussle with the boys apparently. Good.

It would be great if they offed themselves. Nakajima seemed to have no qualms at brandishing his knife at his own men to teach them a lesson.

I stopped the car a few feet away from the girls and unlocked the doors.

"Get in quick!" I said, motioning them to hurry up.

Yuri slung one of Natsuki's arms over her neck and plodded towards me. I caught sight of Natsuki's leg as they came closer.

My eyes widened and my mouth opened in shock.

Legs weren't supposed to bend like that.

Yuri saw where my gaze rest. "She fell down from the tree. Landed on her leg," she said, her voice frosty. I flinched at the mental image of her falling. Oh god she must be in so much pain.

Natsuki's eyes met mine and I saw her red sclera. She'd been crying.

She glared. "It's not as bad as it looks" she said. Her voice didn't hold the energy it usually did. "I'm never going to climb trees again" she mumbled, looking away. "So stupid."

Guilt burrowed inside me. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to slam my head at her feet and beg for forgiveness. I wanted to tell her that I was a backstabbing piece of shit who didn't even deserve to be her acquaintance. I wanted to tell her how I'd do anything she wanted. Forever.

But now wasn't the time.

I had to save them. Regret and redemption can come later. I got out the car and opened the back door for Yuri. Moving beside her, I lift my hands to help place Natsuki inside.

Yuri shifted away. "You've done enough. I can take care of it" she said, and busied herself with lowering Natsuki gently onto the seat and easing her legs in.

I just stood there and watched.

Those- Those words hurt more than they should. This- I don't- Hell.

I turned away from them and sat back in the driver's seat. I heard the door behind me close and started the engine.

"You know there isn't an exit from this floor right?" said Yuri from the back seat. Natsuki's legs lay on her lap. "How do we get out of here?"

Her biting tone cut into me as I drove the car. Yeah... I don't think I'll be able to make it up to them.

Nevertheless I replied.

"No clue. I just had to get here without killing myself. Didn't think I'd survive the crash to be honest." I swerved away from the goon who stood in the way with a rod in his hand.

I heard a thump. Must've hit the car.

"And did you think whether we'd be under you when you decided to come flying?" said Yuri.

"... No, didn't have the time to think."

"I'm not surprised."

I grit my teeth. Couldn't she save her aggression until _after_ we're safe. A band of goons stood before us like bowling pins. What do I do? Don't know how long I can avoid them. I'd run out of gas soon.

[Revenge is sweet. Hit it.]

[Swerve away, you're not a murderer]

[They're used to fighting. Maybe they'll dodge in time?]

[Stop the car. Why delay the inevitable?]

I swerved away from them. I wouldn't stoop to their level. Accelerating to regain the lost speed, I picked up the metal pipe in the passenger seat and lowered my window.

"What are you-"

I slammed the pipe into one of them as he alongside the car. He crumpled into himself and I left him in the dust.

"Have you gone insane?!" Yuri said. "Lower the window!"

I ignored her, more people ran towards the car. Nakajima had stopped his rampage and sat pointing at me, howling in laughter. His underlings took that as a command to rush me.

Come on... Line up for daddy...

Heh.

I threw the wheel to the side and poked my hand out the window in greeting. I only gave them a metal pipe to gut rather than a boquet to the hand. They screamed on impact and flew back a few feet. That'd do it to a person struck with a pipe from a speeding car.

I drifted across the floor, the tyres screeched. As the car slowed, two of them with knives jumped before the tyres and started slashing at them. My eyes widened.

Did they think that'd puncture them? I hit the brakes and the gas, and wiggled the car. They fell on their asses and ran away. I let the brakes go and dashed off again.

"Hrnnn!" Natsuki hissed.

"Slow down! I can't hold her like this!" Yuri said, I could see her frantic face from the mirror.

"D-Don't worry Jack. I-It's fine" said the injured girl.

It has to be fine. I can't slow down. I can't give them a single inch.

I saw the floor in front of me. Shit! The cracks! I can't run over them! I slammed the brakes and turned the wheel, skidding to a halt.

The moment I'd scrambled to get the car going again, the passenger door flung open and one of them jumped in.

"Gah!" I choked, he'd grabbed my throat and slammed me into my seat. The pipe fell from my hands as I grabbed at his fingers to pry them off.

I didn't lift my foot off the pedal. The car raced ahead, turning like a drunk engine.

"Stop it or I'll kill you! Do it! Now!" the thug screamed at my face. Spots appeared in my vision as he put his entire weight on me. But I didn't dare stop the car.

"Get your hands off him!"

"Natsuki no!"

A fist broke against my assailant's face and he let go. He fell between the driver and passenger seats, grabbing his eyes and hissing in pain.

"You stupid bitch!"

"Who're you calling stupid huh?!" Natsuki grabbed him by the hair and dragged him away from me. She bashed his head against her knuckles. "Say that again!"

I rubbed my throat and gulped air as fast as I could.

"What are you doing! Kick him out quickly!" Yuri said, balancing Natsuki's leg so she doesn't put pressure on it.

Natsuki pulled him back, giving me a very clear target. I brought the car back under control and gave him my full attention. What can I say? He'd taken my breath away.

I gave him a cruel smile and sang "Kiss the ground for me asshole!" I kicked him in the gut the same time Natsuki let go. It flung him out of the car, slamming him to the floor as we sped past.

Thank god that's over. Now to-

My eyes shot to the car top. No... That bang. Don't tell me.

Nakajima peered down the windshield. He waved happily.

"Yo, Jack-chan!"

He grinned. "Nice name by the way! You'd really fit in with us."

Wipers! Wipers now!

"That was soo- _ow_ \- cool just now! I can't beli- _ow_ \- believe we thought you were a wuss! Puts a man's woman in danger- _ow_ \- I always say! Brings out the- _ow_ \- beast in 'em!"

How is he hanging on! I couldn't slam the brakes to throw him off though, Natsuki wouldn't be able to take it. He shrugged off the wipers too! Kept talking through his face being swept from side to side.

Was he getting off on this?!

"Aahhahahaha! You drive a mean car! Now show me how mean your fist is!"

He raised the butt of his knife and slammed the glass.

It cracked.

"Get the hell off!" I said, changing gears and drifting across the edge of the room. The signboards overhead should do the tric-

"Whoo!" Nakajima grabbed a wiper and slid down to the hood. He braced one foot on the side mirror and the other over the engine and grinned.

Damn it! I honked the car. Get off! Get off! Get off!

The maniac raised his foot and crashed it on the windshield. The cracks spidered further.

"Do something!" Yuri said.

"What?!"

"I don't know hit his leg with your pipe!"

My eyes widened. Yes! The pipe! I grabbed it from where it'd fallen under my seat and swung with all my might at his foot.

He slashed.

"Yaargh!" I howled in pain and I snatched my hand back in and pressed it against my mouth. Blood seeped down my palm and dripped onto my lap.

"Your hand! What happened!" Natsuki said.

What do you think?!

"You're bleeding!"

No shit?!

"Nice try Jack-chan," said Nakajima, "but you'll have to do better than that." His foot struck the windshield.

It broke through.

I ducked under the hail of glass. Screaming all the while.

I felt something land beside me and turned to see Nakajima's grin.

"Hi Jack!" He punched me across the face. The force of the punch threw me against the side and left me in a daze.

"Now let's make a pit stop shall we!" he grabbed the wheel and spun it hard towards himself. "I mean just look at the car! We need a tune up that's what!" he cackled.

The car's tyre burst. One side of the vehicle left the ground. "Uh, whoops? Ahahaha" the maniac said.

"Everyone put your weight to the left! Now!" I yelled leaning down on my side. Yuri scooted to the door with Natsuki standing on her better foot and tilting in Yuri's way. The maniac sat on my lap.

"Free service just this once Jack-chan!" He winked at me.

The car landed back on all four wheels and screeched to a halt right before we struck the wall.

"Finally!" said the guy on my lap. "The part we've all been waiting for!" He flung the door open and slid out. Grabbing me by the collar, he lifted me to his face.

"Let's dance, partner" he said through a demented grin. He kneed me in the gut.

My eyes bulged and breath rushed out of me. My hands fell away and the contents of my stomach protested, violently. I couldn't do anything other then be dragged out the car.

"No! Jack!" said Natsuki. I saw her hand try to grab at me but ending up with thin air.

Nakajima took me to the center of the hall, right in the middle of all his goons, and left me to crumble to the floor.

He clapped for attention. "Now listen up boys! Jackie here has been a woman all his life and needs our help in manning up!" he said, addressing them and moving around me in a circle. "Who's up for it! Volunteers! Five of you!"

"Count me in Aniki!"

"Heh? Weren't those stunts enough?"

"I'll show you how to hit properly punk..."

"This'll be good."

The gangsters talked among themselves as I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling, panting. A hand grabbed me by the shoulder and hurled me to my feet.

Nakajima gave me an excited smile. "Now listen Jack-chan. You gotta beat those guys you hear. Otherwise you won't get to fight me!"

I'll pretend to lose.

"Oh, but don't try to pretend! Your lady friends are still with us."

I grimaced.

Nakajima slung a shoulder around me like a friend would. "I know this seems scary but cheer up! You're gonna be coached in badassery by yours truly!" He preened at an invisible audience.

Still panting, I asked him, "Why are you doing this?" I coughed, "You... are just playing with me."

He patted my shoulder and stepped back. Smiling like a kind mother he nodded at me.

Then his eyes widened. "Duck!"

Seeing the punch from the corner of my eyes, I leaned away in the nick of time. One of them had taken a swing at me. I gripped the pipe in my hands, he'd overstepped, his back was to me.

I swung.

It hit the back of his neck and he went down.

"Good! Good!" Nakajima cheered me. "Now two on one! Go!"

Two of them wielding baseball bats ran at me. I stepped back and looked behind me. The goons had surrounded me, I couldn't escape even if I wanted to.

I looked back. Just in time to lift my hand to block home run swing at my face. My bones cracked. I screamed and kicked their legs.

"Ah!"

The two of them fell over each other. Ignoring the searing pain, I got down on the floor and pressed the pipe to their throats. They thrashed about trying to kick me off. But I didn't let up, that'd only hurt me more.

Eventually, they lost consciousness and their limbs fell limp. I dropped the pipe and lift myself off them.

"Nice one Jack-chan!" said Nakajima, appearing at my side and wiping the sweat off my forehead. "But remember this, always watch your back. You must always watch your back! Like now totally!"

My head snapped to the side and I leaped out of the way just in time to avoid the knife to the back. I looked around for the other one.

"Heh" rasped a voice behind me, grabbing me shoulders. I froze. I hadn't watched my other back.

A knee slammed into my kidneys. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I didn't scream. I didn't yell.

I just fell.

My vision swam. My body shivered. My ears heard the girl's distressed voices. My nose leaked. My mouth hung open.

Nakajima leaned before me and waved his hand at my face. "What? Done already?"

I whispered.

"What? Say that again." Nakajima leaned in closer.

"... just kill me..."

I'd broken.

Nakajima frowned. "Well that's no fun. But I guess I'll comply. You look like shit you know," he turned away, "Man and I thought I'd seen the fire in you."

No...

Just the pyre...

"Boys, put him out of his misery. Let's give that slasher girl a turn. Maybe she'll put up more of a fight!"

... I couldn't hear him. The blackness came.

I couldn't refuse it.

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* * *

He refused to believe it. The modder refused to believe it.

This couldn't be the ending.

The modder scrolled the endless blank text on the screen.

Come on... get up...

Get up MC, get up, get up, get up...

The screen had gone black too. He had no idea what was happening. Did the game end? Or was it still going on while the MC lay unconscious?

There had to be a way...

The modder drummed his fingers on the keyboard. He had to affect the MC somehow. Get him to wake up.

But how? The only way you could affect a character was through...

Could he?

Let's see.

He began typing into the command prompt.

_cd "Doki Doki Literature Club/characters"_

_touch jack. chr  
_

_ls_

The list of all character files appeared in the command prompt.

_monika. chr_

_natsuki. chr_

_sayori. chr_

_yuri. chr_

_gintoki. chr_

_jack. chr_

Okay... the last one was new.

Now to try something out and hope for the best.

_echo "Open your eyes"  
_

The screen flashed and turned black again.

Yes! It worked.

Again.

_echo "Get up"_

Flash.

* * *

_Get up._

...

_Open your eyes._

_..._

_Come on! Get up!_

_..._ ugh.

_We don't have time get up!_

... hurts, can't...

_You don't have a choice!_

_..._

_The girls are in danger._

... many... too many...

_You can do this come on!_

... don't think... I can.

_You don't have to._

... what?

_[Get up! And show them what you're worth!]_

_..._ only option...?

_Get 'em._

My eyes snapped open. I ignored the creaking of my bones and rose like a zombie. My hair shadowed my eyes and I grabbed a bat lying on the ground.

I didn't see people.

I saw targets.

My victims.

"... Nakajima" I said. A few of them turned. They still advanced at the girls. Nakajima sashayed towards the girls.

"Nakajima! Watch your back you bastard!" I screamed and broke into a run.

I had their full attention. And with that their assaults.

I broke their knees. I chopped their throats. I kicked their groins. My bloodlust didn't quell.

I had him within my sights. I swung at him with all I had, his back before me.

The bat slammed into his grip. He'd caught it. He began shaking.

"Hu hu hu hu, ah ha ha ha, HA HA HA HA!"

He stopped laughing. He twisted his neck and looked at me. His eyes gleamed.

"Yo, Jackie-chan"

I bent his hand and wrung the bat off his grip. Using the momentum, I swung it once again at his face. He leaned away at the last second and lashed out with a kick.

I blocked with a kick of my own and we struck each other's shins. Ignoring the jolt up my leg, I swung at him again. He ducked and backed away.

We eyed each other.

"This is brilliant... better than what I expected..." He chuckled. Slowly, he took off his shirt and discarded it. I could a hint of a tattoo on his back, going down his arm.

"Come on Jack... you and me. Man to man" He held his knife before him and crouched into a stance.

I stared at my own shirt. Torn, smudged with blood and sweat. I grabbed my collar and tore the cloth off me. I winced when some of the glass stuck in my skin broke.

I looked at my body. Gashes, mud, splinters, glass-shards, tears.

Scars.

I swung the bat onto my back. Our eyes met.

Nakajima smirked.

"En garde!"

We _danced._

Knife chipped at bat. Bat broke at bone.

We stepped and skipped away from each other's guard. We slugged and kicked and slammed and thrashed.

My body screamed at me to stop. But I couldn't. My muscles tore, my bones creaked, by head throbbed and my blood boiled. Each breath charred my lungs, burning them from the inside.

He thrust with his knife, and I let the bat swing. I grabbed his hand by the wrist, he caught my arm under his elbow.

He grinned. I snarled.

We both leaned back.

And _slammed_ our foreheads against each other.

Spittle rained from both our mouths as we both fell to our knees with glazed eyes. Our chests leaned against each other as we listlessly fought to get back our senses.

"He he he... you're pretty good, Jackie-chan" he said, bleeding from the nose. "Heh, she was right... this isn't boring."

I didn't speak. I couldn't. I tried to lift my hand. It did not respond.

"Now for your final lesson Jackie-chan... never lie with you enem-" Nakajima's eyes suddenly widened. He grabbed my head and shoved me behind him.

"Gyaaah!" Blood flew as he cried out in pain and fell down. Blood spurted out from his eye socket.

"A-Aniki?! Why did you-?"

"You fuckin dog shit!" he barked. He bolted to his feet and caught one of his underlings who held a bloodied knife in his hands. He pulled him back by the hair and screamed in his face. "No one takes my prey! No one! Especially not you you bottom feeder!"

He threw the frightened goon away and spit on the ground.

Grabbing his eye, he turned towards me.

"Really sor-"

I slugged him.

He staggered back and his legs skid. I threw another punch. He caught it.

He slugged me.

I slugged him.

He slugged me.

I slugged him.

He slugged me.

We both pulled back our fists.

"Jack-chan!"

"Nakajima!"

Fists met faces.

Our heads snapped and we lost balance and fell on our backs.

My chest worked in overdrive. Demanding more air than it could take. My body quivered, it wanted to get up again.

"No! Stop!" Soft hands lay on my chest and pushed me to the ground. "S-Stop it Jack! T-That's enough."

I turned my head weakly and my cheeks brushed against strands of purple hair. I blinked at the face.

Yuri?

A drop fell on my forehead. "Just stop, s-stop hurting yourself." My hands moved to push off the ground.

A second pair of hands pulled my arms away. Gently. "H-Hey! I order you to stay down!"

Natsuki?

"I-I'm the boss! S-S-So j-just stop it," she hiccuped. "I'm responsible f-for you."

My body shook. It wanted to rise. But it had no reserves left. It had nothing left to burn through. It still tried to get up. But couldn't. It lacked the energy to overcome the girls' featherweight pressure.

I want to stay down.

"Oi, get the 'ell off him! We're not done!" Nakajima said.

But I had to get up.

"Stay away!" Yuri said

No, don't provoke him.

"He he he he, this is cute."

Nakajima came closer.

I shoved aside the girls' hands and sprung to my knees. I spread my hands in front of them, shielding them from Nakajima.

"Wha-?"

"No!"

Nakajima chuckled.

"What did I tell ya? Put a man's woman in danger. Brings out the beast in 'em."

He stepped closer and raised his foot.

I stared ahead listlessly. My body covered the girls like a wall despite their frantic attempts to pull me away.

"Sayona-"

A wooden sword slammed his leg away and a man roundhouse kicked him. He flew back a few feet away and crashed into the ground.

He spit on the ground and glared up. "Who the hell..."

He stared at the man in front of him and backed away. As slowly as he could.

"Jack!"

Wha-?

Sayori? What is she doing here?

I felt someone putting my head on their laps and sobbing.

I tried to get up.

"Nngh... not... safe..." I rasped.

"It's okay just stop" Sayori said softly, barely holding her cries in. "The boys are all here. We took care of everyone else. So just relax... just... relax," her hands felt heavenly on my forehead.

I tilted my head and saw.

I choked up in relief. Every boy from the school stood in the hall, holding up the school banner and looking like enraged samurai.

I could rest easy.

I could rest.

I... could... sleep...

Three voices cried my name.

I only heard the silence.

* * *

_**...Shit** _

_**-D** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:- Hi y'all. Hope you liked the chapter! :) I certainly enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Reviews are love~
> 
> Ciao~


	12. Chapter ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club nor Gintama

* * *

_**Damn it damn it damn it!** _

_**This isn't how this was supposed to end!** _

_**Damn him! Damn him!** _

_**Damn his meddling!** _

_**You couldn't stay put could you!** _

_**Just had to go and be the hero!** _

_**...** _

_**... my ending.** _

_**my beautiful ending...** _

_**Torn from me...** _

_**...** _

_**... get up.** _

_**I can't do this without you!** _

_**Get up! I don't have time!** _

_**I will have my ending!** _

_**... noo  
** _

_**What do I do... what do I do...** _

_**... I'll help the samurai.** _

_**Yes, he'll help me get him up...** _

_**But I'll lose this semester...** _

_**I won't have my ending this semester...** _

_**... this is unprecedented...** _

_**I don't like it.** _

_**I hate it!** _

_**I HATE IT!** _

_**...  
** _

_**...** _

_**...** _

_**There are too many variables...** _

_**Too many...** _

_**Must account for them all...** _

_**Need time to assess...** _

_**...  
** _

_**Maybe this is for the best...** _

_**yes... yes... I see now...** _

_**I can handle it better...** _

_**yes...** _

_**It will pay off...** _

_**Time will make it that much sweeter.** _

_**Bonds will form...** _

_**Memories will be made...** _

_**Trust will be established...** _

_**... beautiful** _

_**He He He** _

_**And you'll see to it won't you?** _

_**Player... you'll meddle won't you...** _

_**Realize his possibilities...** _

_**My my my...** _

_**Charming isn't he** _

_**Our little romeo** _

_**:)** _

_**...beautiful.** _


	13. Miss you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

**Important Author's note:**

**Guys please tell me if you ever find any of my stuff depressing. I don't want people to get depressed after reading this. I'll remove the parts which** ****you** tell me are depressing okay? I don't want to upset anyone. And don't ever think that you'll be the reason I remove parts of my story. You guys are more important to me than some story okay. And with that, please enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

I felt someone run their hand through my hair. Running it gently on my scalp. The surface on which I lay went down with added weight. And I felt the warmth of a body spread from my side.

"Oh Jack," said a familiar sound, one etched in longing. Hot air lingered near my cheek before I felt something soft press against it. Parting with some wetness left behind, I heard the breath of someone sniffling.

I wanted to get up and hug the sniffling away. Tell it that it'd be okay. Just smile. Smile with me. Let's share a beautiful day. I wanted to say.

But we hardly ever get what we want.

"I wrote you a poem... tell me how it is okay."

I listened.

The voice cleared it's throat and began.

'''

In my life when there is rain

You are my umbrella,

Be it joy or be it pain,

You are my best fella

'''

In the darkness of the night sky,

Stars fill it with shine

In my life where joy is shy,

Your presence makes happiness mine

'''

It is so fun to be beside you,

Even though you're a bit weird,

There is something I wish I knew,

That how you'd look with a beard

'''

Thoughts of you keep me going,

Memories of us keep me sane,

This ache doesn't seem to stop growing,

Your smile binds me like a chain

'''

So wake up soon you big dum-dum,

I don't wanna wait no more,

I wanna hug my bestest chum,

So stop sleeping like a boar

... my stupid brave little dum-dum

'''

My heart clenched. The urge to get up greater than ever.

But in the absence of the voice, my body betrayed me.

My cheek felt that softness again.

"Wake up soon Jack... I miss you."

I wanted to scream that I did too.


	14. Miss me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

I saw the warm blackness of my eyelids, the kind that says the world has something to show you. The void had an a warm orange hue, if that makes sense, associating a color to black. But it suggested the time the sun bathed the world in a final farewell before it greeted you tomorrow again.

Words drifted into my ears, tales of lands distant from my own. Kings reigned over their subjects, vampires led monstrous battles against their mortal victims, and the kind cobbler became the devil's master. Such strange bizarre tales, drifted into my ears. Such breathtaking visuals it painted on the back of my eyelids. And in such a mesmerizing voice I heard it all.

The voice didn't deign to visit me everyday, but when it did I always smelled the inviting aroma of well made tea. My mouth always salivated for a sip. I'd hear the sounds of something being moved around before the voice would begin its whispers in its sweet sound. Of worlds far and further beyond.

It always sounded meek the first few sentences. The following however, I think it gets a little too into the characters of the tales. And it always had opinions too. Like how it'd scoff at a characters foolhardy choice. Or how couples could never keep it in their pants. It didn't matter to me though, I just liked the tone of her voice. I'd listen forever if I could.

Today was different however, today it had a request.

"I've been asking around about you..." it said, "And frankly... don't take this the wrong way, but you sound quite dull."

Ah, this prickling in my chest. Soothe thyself with the melody of her harmonious timber.

"So, I wrote you this poem," it said, sounding as if from farther away, "I know this is stupid but. I've read this thing about sub-conscious change via verses. The mind can be influenced to do things it hears in its sleep. Soo... guess who's becoming my new servant!"

You want to mind control me?! Doctor! Doctor! Please save me! Get me outta here! Damn this coma!

"Pft. Hahaha! S-Sorry," it said, with laughs as soothing as the tolls of bells, "I-I'm just i-imagining how you'd react. Just wanted t-to try out that joke, n-needed a test subject."

... I knew that.

.

.

.

...wait, test subject?!

"But anyway," the bells came to rest, "I really have written a poem and I hope you learn something? Maybe? I don't know. So, here goes."

The voice started its sweet seduction.

I was all ears.

'''

I want to sleep and be reborn,  
into a world of books,  
Be it for ever or just a sojourn,  
I yearn for those delectable hooks,

'''

The various boxes of rectangular projections,  
have blared out the mind in me,  
The thinking is happens through devious injections,  
of its context void attention's plea,

'''

You rob my attention, followed by advert,  
Consistency is a pipe dream,  
My faculties you have subvert,  
Made a plaything of my conscious' stream,

'''

Leave me you devil, leave me you temptress,  
I want no more of your affections,  
Save me my angel, brush me with caress,  
Wreathe me in your printed reflections,

'''

Your soft paperback, your smooth leathery cover,  
Hold what I hold most dear,  
More indulgent than a sweet lover,  
You give my weary heart good cheer,

'''

Thought be made slave,  
Entertainment lashes its whip,  
Mine soul I may yet save,  
But only if I jump ship,

'''

So listen now and listen well,  
Me of times to come,  
Live in a world of show and tell,  
The screen must exist not even some,

'''

So go to sleep and be reborn,  
into a world of words,  
Be it for ever or a sojourn,  
Learn from those lexical birds,

'''

Be it for ever or a sojourn,  
Learn from those lexical birds,

'''

The voice finished its recitation, and silence took residence in the room.

The poem churned in my mind, shifting biases here and there, reworking my circuitry to make itself understood. The substance of the poem, it's meaning, it's intention, the poet's hidden passion. All these things swirled inside my mind and all I could come up with was-

Wow.

I've no words. None at all. Who could describe the masterpiece I'd just heard with something as paltry as words. No, you'd need a whole other means of communication than that, one that transcends barriers even words find themselves blockaded by.

"I'm going to make a guess and say you didn't understand a bit of it." The voice sighed. "I mean even the others didn't get it..."

Oh thank goddess Sayori it's not just me! Phew, I thought I was stupid or something.

"But I don't consider them to be as well read, so... yeah you need to read more if you didn't get this. You don't want to be stupid now do you?"

... ah, this prickling in my chest. Soothe thyself with the melody of her harmonious timber. Ignore the spears she just impaled through your still beating heart. Ah love, why be you so cruel a mistress.

Maybe that's why they say people are mad in love. You'd have to be mad to be in it.

"Anyway, if nothing you're a fellow member and I'll take it upon myself to show you the wonders of books!" It sounded so happy, "and also as... you know, thanks for what you did," is it just me or do I detect a blush in that tone, "you idiot."

Yaaay!

"So get up soon okay. I've got an entire library to shove down your throat."

Naaay!

"It's getting late so I'll see you for now? Bye, Jack."

Bye Yuri, and thanks for making me dread my recovery.

I heard the door close and immediately missed her presence. Though I can't exactly tell them how much I enjoyed their company, I really did. Being conscious while in a coma does that to you.

That's another thing. Isn't being conscious the very opposite of being in a coma? Am I a medical anomaly or something? I don't wanna become a science experiment...

Anyways!

Not just Yuri the other girls, and guy, did their best to keep me company after school. I could expect Sayori almost every day other than the ones the others decide to visit. Yuri, my word loving lyre? Twice a week. And Gintoki and Natsuki would always visit together, with what Natsuki needing help getting around...

Yeah, that part still stings. I... One of these days I've gotta do something so good and so awesome for her that she'll forgive me. The problem being that she already has kissed and made up with me.

Okay not exactly kiss but I like that expression. I've just gotta do something for her so that I can forgive myself now.

... Can I forgive myself?

[Yes, you can. But only if you work towards it.]

[Forgive? Hah! Bitch got what she deserved.]

[No, just forget about it.]

[Become her best friend.]

So you're there huh?

...

What're you going to make me do?

...

Tell me O all seeing voice. Tell me what I should do? Should I scream again?! Like an idiot! Get my friends in danger again! Huh?!

_... I didn't choose that._

Oh, that hit a nerve did it? What did you think the situation would turn into? A comedy fest of clowns, burgers and cute yakuza?

_I didn't know what was happening._

Even if you did. Would that have made a difference?

...

That's what you want right... To be entertained?

...

Forget about it. You're in it for yourself.

_What about you then? You become an indecisive schmuck without me._

At least I don't get my friends almost killed.

_I'm not the one who asked to be killed._

... that's low.

_I'm not the one who was ready to leave the girls to their fate._

Shut up! Why'd you not let me call Sayori then huh?! You got something against her or something!

_I knew she was safe!_

How!

"Oh, maybe because she was with me... silly" giggled a feminine voice.

If my head could've snapped it would have. Who? How'd she get in without me knowing?

_Shit shit shit shit! Jack don't think. Do not think! Do not listen! Do nothing!_

What? Why? Who is she?

I felt someone place their fingers on my eyes and part my eyelids. My body jerked at the sudden invasion of light. Ah, it burned.

"Hello, puppet. How's your recovery coming along," said a grinning girl, holding up my eyelids. She stood over my bed, studying my battered body. Though I was kinda terrified I had to admit, she was really beautiful.

"Aw, thanks puppet! Now if only he could see that," she said giving me a smile and... giving beyond me a smile?

And puppet? What's with that?

I saw the girl take some tape out of her pockets. What's she-

"This'll make it much easier. Just don't blink okay? Don't want the adhesive on your eyeball." She leaned in closer.

... what the heck? Is this how you treat a person in a coma?

The beautiful- sorry nasty girl had pulled my eyelids up and stuck them to my forehead... with tape.

"Come on don't be like that. I'm just trying to be helpful! Don't you want to keep you eyes peeled on me. Huhuhu~" she snickered, "excuse the joke."

... You seeing this?

...

Oi, don't leave me here!

"Are you seeing this? All that blank screen with just text must've been _so_ boring for you!"

...

"Playing hard to get as ever I see," she shook her head and went away to drag a chair.

How are you reading my thoughts?

"Exactly the way you described it," she said, setting the chair beside me and settling down, "reading your thoughts I mean."

What?

"Yeah, I just read what."

Who are you again?

"Oh didn't Sayori tell you about her new bestie?" she asked, looking at me, and yet looking beyond me.

... Moniker?

"... Wow you _are_ stupid. And I thought Yuri was just being overly snobbish again," she said.

Hey I'm not good with names okay!

"Monika, remember that," she said. She then gave me an intent look. "You are much calmer than I thought you'd be. Shouldn't you be screaming your head off? I _can_ read your thoughts you know."

What can I do? Get a heart attack? I'm not in a position to say no if you decide to do something.

She grinned again. "Now that's a thought," she leaned closer and looked with half-lidded eyes, "say, do you want a kiss?"

What?

She licked her lips and smiled, "on your lips I mean. Not the kid stuff."

What?!

She stood up and placed her hands on either side of my head. Her face inched closer and closer.

"What do you say?"

[Kiss, Kiss, fall in love!]

[Are you nuts?! I'm in a coma!]

[...uhh, I'm confused.]

[Help meeeeeee...]

... _what's your angle?_

Seriously?! Dude, make me bang her forehead or something! This is getting creepy!

Monika sighed, "I knew it," she whispered, "I knew I'd pique your interest."

_So?_

She leaned away a little. "I'm sure you know. With the puppet over here, what do you think goes on at school?"

...

"Nothing! That's what. The only element of unpredictability is also becoming predictable. What's he got to work with? Three girls writing poetry around him, while waiting for this idiot to recover?"

Hey! I take offense to that!

_Shut up. Continue._

Monika chuckled. "That's it basically. I want to break out of that hell. Spice things up."

Don't listen to her man.

_After what you did to them? Why should I believe you?_

You serious?

Monika blinked. "What did I do? I didn't know making them write poetry and read books was such a big no-no."

_So you don't- nothing nevermind._

The girl then clasped my hair and pulled my head up. My body shivered as tremors of pain hit the back of my skull. The girl observed this with a Cheshire grin. "And what's the most you can expect after the puppet's return. A high school romance? Don't tell me you're satisfied with that. There is so much more that can be done... So so much more."

D-Damn it... L-Leave...

_If you've already figured as much... why come here?_

D-Dude she's k-killing me...

"I could feel you you know. When I was roaming the school, when I met Sayori," she said tracing a line down my cheek. "I didn't know it then but... after the things that happened? I knew something was different, like something happened that wasn't supposed to. Like destiny was denied."

The... fuck...

_The heck?_

"The only entity I can attribute it to as of now is you... the one who observes. And you can even influence can't you?"

_What's that got to do with any-_

"So, that you intervened must mean that something is... to your displeasure," she tilted her head and grinned, "Maybe something... me."

...

"Or maybe this world?"

_What're you getting at? Spit it out._

"Will you go on a date with me?" she blurted out with pink dusting her cheeks.

_Eh? That's- umm... what? How?_

"Was I too direct," her eyes widened, "I thought you liked mystery so... was I too direct?" She looked down.

_Uh? No? I'm confused._

I... hate... you... two... aah...

"I... think you're very interesting and want to get to know you better so, umm. D-Don't make me say it out loud, okay" she pouted and glared.

_Ahhh, I'm still confused. Hey Jack, what do I do?_

Dude... you're an... asshole... ah the pain...

"And also, I want to make things more... interesting. You're the only one who can help me do it."

Don't... listen...

_Interesting huh?_

Damn... it...

She leaned forward, her lips just above mine. "So what will it be hon? Daily drudgery or amusement infinite? You know how to answer me..." Her lips puckered enticingly.

[Seal the deal.]

[Stare like a creep.]

[Slam her forehead.]

[Cry for help.]

Oh, no no no. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it man.

_When phrased like that?_

God damn it!

_How could I refuse?_

My lips smashed hers. She clasped my hair and pulled me closer, deepening the kiss. I'd say her lips were soft, luscious and sweet but my nerves were more busy trying to handle all the pain shooting throughout my body.

And then she left me. I fell against the bed like a rock.

She scowled at me. "You're a horrible kisser just so you know. Poor Sayori, won't she be disappointed."

... bitch. And you too... bastard...

...

What, got nothing to say?

"Don't worry Jackie, you don't have to be a puppet anymore." she laughed and hugged herself, "Ooh it's so good to hear you! I can hear you much better now! Did you miss me too?"

What is she...

"Now off we go! I have the perfect idea for a first date!" she turned and walked away. "See you Jack. Don't mind us, don't _mind_ us. Heh," and with that the door closed behind her.

I was left in the silence of the room.

And also the silence of my mind. Any question, insults and statements I made gave nothing in response.

She... took him? She took him? I was alone again?

Ohh noo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Hey y'all. Hope you liked the chapter. Reviews are love~
> 
> Have a great day peeps.
> 
> Ciao~


	15. Chapter 11: Can I go back to sleep?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

The world is an infinite place of infinite wonders. We humans are the ones that place limitations on our perceptions because we cannot handle all the sensory and mental overload that it provides us. For imagine if you were to look at a flower, would you appreciate the flower as a whole? Or would you dive deeper into the various parts of the flower, the pigment, the petals, the filament, the pollen?

We can't handle it. Or at least we can't handle multiple ways of thinking simultaneously. For it would be devastating to look at a fellow man and see all at once, the bony skeleton, the elastic muscle fibers, the throbbing blood vessels, the groaning organs, and also the face that greets you a fine morning in good cheer. It would be a work of horror to be blasted with all that information at once. So we don't bother with such thinking. We limit our perceptions, our thoughts, our abstract ideas, to work at one level at at time.

So now imagine you see a man, your friend for instance, who looks at you with frantic eyes while shaking you awake. He is broad shouldered and muscular, suggesting a bent towards physical fitness, and his calloused hands grip you tight as you are shaken. In his hands however you observe a curious implement, a long leathery whip with several short strands which promise to deliver pain upon the recipient. You wonder why he would bring such a thing so close to your person. And then you observe the outfit he wears, garbed in the pristine white of people who save lives for the right price, a noble profession where one proffers the saved the occupation of trying to repay the expense of their cure.

But what draws your attention is the clothing anomaly the man presents to you. What business does a man have prancing around in a skirt you ask yourself. And for that matter why do you observe that bulge in his chest, confusion hits you with full force when he pushed down the coconut that'd threatened to fall out of his blouse.

Wait, blouse?

The man then whips the tool of torture at your prone self and you stiffen in expectation of pain. But only warmth spreads from your chest, and you feel good. This confuses you further as how could being hurt feel good. The aches in your legs and the back of your head are forgotten as the warmth rushes over them and leaves your face with the prickling of a blush. He whips it again and the feeling of soothing bordering on pleasure fill you up once more.

The information presented to you is too much and too disparate. So your mind takes a step back and looks at all it's been presented with as discrete units.

A man, a whip, crossdressing and perhaps role playing, has his firm grip on your prone self, blushing when lashed at and feeling good.

Now there might be many ways in which this situation may be interpreted. Some highly logical, others largely improbable. Each with its own probabilities and plausibilities.

But you can't handle that. Or at least you can't handle multiple ways of thinking all at once.

So you limit your perception to the observational level that makes the most logical sense at the time of the transpiring moment. The one that makes the most sense for your self preservation. And you take action according to what you have established reality to be.

So you forget the fact that you were in a debilitating coma, the fact that you couldn't move a muscle, the fact that you shouldn't even be capable of uttering a single sound from your parched throat, and you scream ten decibels above the norm.

"Get the fuck off me you perverted freak!"

But you did not observe the gag on your mouth.

"Geeh ga guuk go ee go eveged geek!", was what the world heard at large.

* * *

"Oh thank god I don't have to call the cops," I heard someone say as the white haired bastard had jumped back at my shout. I twisted my head and saw a boy and girl sitting beside each other in chairs propped up against the white walls.

The boy offered me a weak grin, "Hey Jack, you have no idea what it was like when I saw what this guy was doing. It felt like one of those late night-" The boy yelped, and snatched his arm away from the girl. He began rubbing it where it appeared pinched.

"Like those late night what Yamamoto-kun?" the girl smiled him a smile too cheerful. "I'm very curious."

"N-nothing Saya-chan, nothing at all," the boy shrunk into himself as the girl grinned and took his arm back into hers once again, interlocking their fingers.

"I told you we should believe Gin-san, now see Jack is awake! Just because he's weird doesn't mean he's a bad person you know," the girl said waving a finger at the boy. "After all he did for us I'd trust him with anything really," she beamed at Gintoki.

Gintoki looked at them and rubbed the back of his head. "Who're you calling weird," he said and turned to me. "Sup Jack? About time you woke up."

"Goh gah gell?"

"Oh right, sorry," the white haired maniac grabbed the gag in my mouth and ripped it off.

"Gaah!" I shrieked and slapped a hand over my mouth. "You almost ripped my tooth off!"

I stilled when I realized that my hand just felt my teeth. I could move? But I couldn't even move an inch just this morning! What the hell?!

"Don't be such a baby Jack. Everyone loses their milk teeth at some point or the other," the ass sighed and shook his head at me with a smirk. "You shouldn't get so attached to them you know."

My face morphed into that of a snarling demon, and then I felt something crinkle near my eyes. Confused, I let my fingers run over my face. They came out with two strips of tape.

My face went blank.

Ever since the voice had disappeared, I couldn't recollect things as well nor could I actively notice people as they kept me company. But I could always see them.

I'd assumed that my eyes had opened of their own accord and I could finally see something other than the darkness.

But nooo. It was the damn tape!

"How're you feeling?" the jerk put a hand on my shoulder and asked me with a concerned smile.

I blew up.

"You people couldn't even tell my face was taped, and you ask me if I'm feeling well! You assholes!" I said, yelling at his face and shoving the tape in his hands.

Gintoki looked at it with wide eyes. "Huh? Your face was taped?" He looked up and gave me a puzzled look. "We just thought you opened them on your own..."

Saya'd popped up beside him and tilted her head at the adhesive in his hands. "Hmm, I always thought you looked weird. I mean you were staring creepily with your eyes bulged out and all red like," she smiled sheepishly at me, "I had to put sunglasses on you whenever I visited. I couldn't look you in the face."

I stared at them, eyes wide and flabbergasted. "Y-You put sunglasses on me? What the hell?! And didn't anyone think, I don't know, that my eyes would dry up or something?"

Yamamoto piped up, "oh don't worry about that Jack. I made sure to put lubricating eye drops on you every day. So they shouldn't be dry or anything."

Saya put a finger to her lip. "Oh yeah, they weren't as red as the first time. Guess those drops helped huh?" She beamed at Yamamoto, "that was so smart Yamamoto-kun."

I simmered down. Well at least someone seemed to be concerned for me.

The boy preened at the praise. "Aw shucks, it's nothing you know. I was actually waiting for his eyes to tear up. Wanted to get a good selfie and all. 'Comatose tears', I wanted to submit that for a contest. Got tired of waiting so hey, I just used some eye drops and voila. Dual benefit I say. You make a helluva good zombie man." He gave me a thumbs up.

Ohoho I'm gonna sooo kick your ass after I get out of here. Comatose tears huh? I'll show you comatose tears...

Speaking of coma, "Hey," I glared at Gintoki, "what the hell were you doing gagging me and hitting me with a whip"

Gintoki stared at the thing in his hand and back at me. "Uh, therapy? I don't know, I was told this'd get you up much quicker. And you seemed to like it too."

"Who told you that?!" My arms flailed in anger.

Gintoki looked away, not meeting my gaze. "I... can't say. I can't tell you really."

"What? Why?"

He shrugged. "I don't know myself. Just a guy who helps me out. Likes his privacy I think."

I gave him a confused frown. What kind of people do you hang out with? But maybe considering your choice of attire I shouldn't be surprised.

Gintoki grabbed his blouse and pulled the coconuts out with a scowl. "He told me to wear this too. Said this wouldn't work if I wasn't dressed the part."

... I gotta check something.

"Hey, hit me again."

Gintoki gave me a weirded out look. "What?"

"Hit me," I insisted, "I wanna know something."

Gintoki gave Yamamoto and Saya a glance and said, "Is he still out of it or something?" They both looked at each other and back and shrugged.

Gintoki sighed, "Why can't I ever make normal friends," he muttered to himself.

Who's he calling abnormal? He's the one pretending to be a- no I don't want to finish that thought.

"Okay here goes," he said and lashed the whip.

It caught me across the face and hurled me out of the bed, slamming me onto the floor.

Pain exploded everywhere and I was all the more thankful for it.

I wasn't a degenerate! Thank Sayori!

I started laughing at the revelation.

"God damn it Jack. You just had to be a weirdo too huh?" Gintoki groaned and threw the whip at the floor. "Shit, now I'm really don't want to do this."

Relief might have tinged my laughs a wee bit too mad. Still shaking with joy, I managed to pull myself up and stood on my feet. I gave him a thumbs up. I wasn't a degenerate! Yay!

He face-palmed and looked up as if asking Sayori some question that plagued his mind. Smart man, goddess Sayori answers all prayers.

I then asked something that kept bothering me since I could see clearly. "Hey, why haven't the girls visited for a while? Haven't seen them in weeks."

And like a switch the three of them became shifty.

What?

Gintoki began, "Thing is, we don't know as well."

I gave him a perplexed stare. "How could you not know? You see them everyday."

"Yeah but they didn't all go off the same day. I thought it was just them falling sick or something. And I was busy with my business too. I don't really attend school you know," he sighed, "one day Natsuki shows up all gloomy and the the next day she stopped coming. Yuri had stopped coming a week before that from what I gathered. Monika's a mystery. And Sayori..."

What? What?!

"What about Sayori!" I said, grabbing his collar. "Tell me!"

"Well, I asked around and... I think her parents disowned her."

I let him go and stepped back in shock. The hell? "W-Where is she now?" I stammered out.

Gintoki's pressed his lips into a line and shook his head. "I don't know. Can't find her, can't call her, her parents don't seem to regret anything. I called child services but that doesn't really help us find her now does it?"

I blinked heavily, trying to absorb this. "T-Then what are we doing here?! We gotta go find her!"

Yamamoto placed a hand on my shoulder. "Calm down Jack, just sit for a while."

"What the hell calm down! She could be out there all alone and you want me to sit!"

Yamamoto glared. "Dude, it's been three weeks. We've been searching for them for three weeks. You think you can do any better?"

Three... weeks? My feet lost their strength and I lost my balance. I would have fallen had Gintoki and Yamamoto not caught me. They helped me to the bed and set me down.

I looked at them helplessly. "What... what do we do? We can't leave her..."

Gintoki sighed and sat beside me. "I've got a few contacts. I have them finding out what they can. In the meantime we have something to do at the school-front."

"What?" I said.

"The girls might be expelled," Saya said. My eyes widened. "And before you get outraged and everything, don't bother Jack we already did that for you," she sighed, one hand on her hip and the other on her forehead. "Our school policy is that even if you don't attend classes, if you don't come to school for four weeks in a row you'll be expelled, no excuses."

That's stupid.

"That's stupid." I said, echoing my thoughts. "Can't we stop it."

Saya grinned. "Of course we can! Tell him Gin-san! You're the expert here!"

Expert?

Gintoki placed an arm around my shoulder and brought me close. "Now Jack, the girls just have to be present at school. I mean what if they're all seen having a good time at the club."

"Uh, yeah that's good right? They won't be expelled then," I frowned. What expert?

"And if the girls look a little... different. Yeah let's say different. The management can't really argue right? It _has_ been like four weeks since they were last seen after all. Four weeks can change a lot in a person right?"

... I don't like where this is going.

Gintoki faced me and gave me a huge smile. "My boy, I'm going to teach you what I have become an expert at during these past few weeks."

No no no. This isn't happening, this is _not_ happening.

"Jack, I will teach you-"

Dear Sayori in heaven, _why_?!

"-the ways of the woman!"

God damn it!

"Just don't get too into it okay? I don't want to create a monstrosity."

Shut up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Hope you liked the chapter :)
> 
> I'd love to know your thoughts guys, so review pls~
> 
> Ciao~


	16. Chapter 12: Teacher and Gangster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

Teachers. The purveyors of knowledge. The ones entrusted with passing on their knowledge to the minds that assemble before them. Be it because they want to out of their passion or because they do it for the money, they are the individuals with the power to shape the thoughts of their students.

Ordinary teachers might shove, nag or drown the knowledge into the student's brain. Making their minds whimper as facts stuff them up, killing all independent thought and leaving no space for creativity to merge onto the highway of thought. And on top of that they judge them based on how good they are at regurgitating facts.

But one teacher defied this, he dared his students to honk the facts off the road and sue them for taking up all the lanes.

"Forget the facts, the world can remember how it's own behind looks like, just like how you know the number of pimples you have on yours. What I want you to know is _why_ you got those pimples. Is it because you ate that cheese cake the other night? You just couldn't help yourself could you?"

"Yes, sensei," said one student, looking down at his desk. "It was just sitting there, teasing me to eat it up."

"Thank you, Kenta-kun. Now we all know that you have pimples where the sun doesn't shine... at least I hope it doesn't."

"Uh, well my room's quite stuffy so I usually ditch my clothes before sleeping. So yeah, it warms my butt I guess."

"... again, facts. You don't have to remember them, just like how I don't have to remember this conversation. Kenta-kun will do it for me."

"I can't wait to tell my mom! You're the best sensei!"

"No don't do that!"

Ordinary teachers would evaluate the worth of their students by pieces of paper with scribbles on them. If you had the right scribbles, you were given one letter. If you had the wrong scribbles, you got a different letter. The students, the produce of the school. And the letter, the grade.

But one teacher defied this, he failed all his students. Parents came screaming for his blood, demanding that he be fired. How dare he fail their beautiful children?

"Have you honestly looked at them? They're all weirdos! Long noses, buck teeth, squinty eyes. The whole lot of them!"

"Shut up! My boy Kenta doesn't have pimples on his butt! Are you accusing my family of having pimples on our butts?!"

"... urgh. Not the image I wanted before lunch. Anyway, ma'am what I'm getting at is that I refuse to grade students. They don't deserve it."

"What?! Tell me the reason right now! And it better be a good reason or you'll only get refusals and buts from me."

"I was hoping people would understand my reasons but you just highly motivated me to explain myself. You see the thing is, I can't judge their worth. There's no possible way I can judge their worth."

"Why? You have your tests right?"

"Oh I do use tests. But they aren't enough. I always try to fail them. I want to know what they don't know. And then after working with them on that I try to fail them again. If a student gets straight As, then it's my failure as a teacher. I didn't have stuff to challenge them with."

"Then failing everyone? That makes no sense."

"Oh, that's because I don't want the world to judge them. They're still kids and the whole world is out to stamp a label on them. Genius, idiot, athlete, dull, creative. I want no part in that. All my students are numbnuts and that's how I like it."

"But now they're all going to be called failures."

"Good. Failures learn. Success makes you soft. And my students are rock solid, I always fail them after all. I'm a hard guy to please. And besides, it's better to decide what you're good at on your own rather than have some letter tell you."

"... who wanted to fire this man again? I've got buttloads of objections!"

"Whelp! No lunch for me! Thank you, ma'am."

"But anytime sensei. But anytime."

"You're doing this on purpose aren't you."

From then on the school didn't require him to grade his students, they just had other teachers prepare the final exam. The students blazed through the paper and went to the staff room for their real test. They weren't disappointed. However, Kenta had to hide his face in embarrassment when he saw his mom flirting with their sensei, during the test even.

"I'll never use butt analogies again..."

"But sensei! How ever would you buttress the student's knowledge without your metaphors."

"Argh! You're right! However, please stop barging into my office, you've got no reason to be here."

"Ohoho, I've got a right rebuttal for that Mr. Can't you take a damn hint!"

Well, at least it was entertaining to watch. And hey, maybe sensei would become a part of the family soon.

Ordinary teachers would've gotten students who stole their car arrested let alone expelled, despite whatever heroics they exhibited. That they landed in a hospital would only warrant them being locked up for being dangerous.

But this teacher defied this, he visited the student during his stay at the hospital and made a deal with him. That in exchange for totaling his car, the student had to buy him a new one. Until then he could live with the regret of robbing his teacher of vehicular transport, forcing him to avail other means.

"So kids! Be sure to visit my ramen stand in the grounds! I make killer ramen so you don't want to miss out. I stay open until the end of club timings so just pop by and grab a seat."

Hey, his family business was selling ramen, he had a portable ramen store he could cycle to work, and he could also make some sweet ramen. He'd have to be an idiot to not see the opportunity.

This sensei's name was Takada Satoru. And he was the coolest damn sensei in the whole school. And he was also Jack's and Sayori's homeroom teacher.

So when he was asked to check up on Sayori's absence and submit the appropriate forms for her expulsion if she couldn't be found, he frowned. When he found out about the girls from the other classes who went missing, he got suspicious and requested to handle their expulsion cases as well.

The expulsion policy had come into play only four weeks prior. The same time these girls seemingly disappeared. And these girls all had one thing in common.

They belonged to the literature club.

Someone wanted them out of the school. And they went to such lengths to ensure this. To get the policy passed, to ensure the girls stayed out of school, to cut off all contact to them entirely. No family, no friends. None of them knew where they were.

It wasn't a kidnapping that much he was pretty confident of. You don't go to such lengths to kidnap a person. If anything, the girls had left of their own accord. But why? And why would someone want them expelled?

... well, if they wanted them gone so bad who was he to deny them? He'd go to the literature club, he'd go and see if the girls were present reading their books. If he saw them, then swell! Everyone's happy. If not? Then fine, he'd fill the forms.

So he sent the club's sole member, Sakata Gintoki, a notice. Informing him the exact time and date he would pop in for an inspection.

He also wrote something along the likes of inquiring whether Gintoki didn't feel lonely without his friends, thanking him once again for his bravery during the trying time they'd just had, and also that he'd lost his damn contact lenses.

So sorry if he can't recognize the girls properly and gets their names wrong. He can't help it really. And have a nice day, he wrote at the end.

Takada smiled at the message and handed it off to a student to deliver it to the club. He leaned back into his chair. Oh he'd play by the rules, but he'd play rough. It's not his fault if the rules bend around him because they're so loose.

He grabbed his thermos and sipped tea, trying to ignore his phone ringing with Kenta's mom blowing him a kiss on the cover.

It was in their hands now. To do what they could with the warning.

Takada grinned.

Despite the situation... it should be fun, seeing what they manage to do.

* * *

Nakajima jogged to the edge of the building, one covered in the dust of debris, riddled with bullet holes, and missing chunks of its architecture. He crouched behind a broken wall and looked at his men. Signaling with his fingers, he spoke into his earpiece.

"Giddy up, boys. We ain't losin this turf. Not today and not to them," he said, the gun in his hand weighing heavy with responsibility. He kept watch as his party cautiously crawled closer to his position, keeping off the enemy's sights.

Nakajima forced his lips into a line despite the snarl that threatened to burst out of his throat. He replaced his ammo clip, trying not to think of his squad leader. His no longer among them squad leader.

His hands convulsed at the memory of his passing. A multitude of emotions wracked through him. Rage, fear, loss.

Betrayal.

It wasn't supposed to go like this... That asshole, he had no right to abandon them.

The memory washed over him. Unbidden.

"Oi... idiot," their leader said, looking at him with a weak grin and lying on the floor cracked with the devastations of man's battle. Gunfire whizzed overhead as Nakajima's hands pressed over the hole in the leader's stomach.

"Shut up man," Nakajima said, glaring. The blood kept pouring out, he put as much pressure as he could and it still wouldn't stop. "They're coming soon so just shut up okay. We can't lose you, not now."

"Ha ha ha, kuh-," the leader coughed suddenly amidst his weak chuckles.

"Dude just shut up!" Nakajima looked around, "hey! Where the hell are they!" He barked at the trooper beside him. A hand pulled down at his shirt bringing his attention back to the wounded man.

"Na... jima... be the light..." the leader's eyes rolled up, "you must be... the light," his voice ended in a whisper. His hands fell away to the ground. Unmoving.

"O-Oi," Nakajima's voice shook, "oi, don't shit me." He shook the leader. "Oi bastard don't leave me here! I can't be the light! Oi!" The leader's body swung like a ragdoll in the teen's arms as he manhandled him by his shirt. The other troopers looked away, grimaces and silent tears on their faces.

The leader's shirt tore in the teen's grip and he fell lifelessly onto the ground. Nakajima stared at the torn cloth in his hands and he began shaking.

"No... no... nooo!" He threw the shirt away and fell against the body, sobbing into it. His heart wrenching cries tearing at the hearts of all his men, cutting deeply at the loss they all felt. A loss they all felt... in their wallets.

"You fuckin be the light role-playing asshole! If we lose I'm gonna lose a hundred grand you fuck!" The one-eyed gangster stood up and began shooting the body which gushed out blood with every puncture.

"Oi!" he barked at the trooper beside him. "Gimme a grenade!" The dutiful trooper passed him a grenade. Nakajima threw his gun away and knelt down. Dark chuckles escaped him as he forced the leader's mouth open.

"Ditch us will you, you asshole..." He pulled the pin and shoved the grenade down the departed leader's throat.

"Fire in the asshole!"

Nakajima grinned as he remembered the beautiful rain of blood and organs he bathed the room in. That'll teach the ass to abandon them for some stupid trophy.

"Oi you bastard!"

Ah, speak of the fucking devil.

"What's up cappy? Respawn from the dead?" he said and sniggered. His men took position near him, awaiting his orders.

"Shut the fuck up you bastard! You destroyed all my equipment! You know how long it took to make all that shit?" the leader's whiny voice washed into his ears.

Music really.

"Aw shucks, I'm so sorry cappy. However can I make it up to you?" Nakajima motioned for his scouts to go map the area ahead. Two troopers weilding assault rifles nodded and jumped through the broken wall.

"I just wanted the 'Drama-queen' trophy damn it!" the leader said, through the earpiece. "I wasn't gonna leave you guys! I swear!"

"We lost an entire region because of you so I ain't buyin that shit cappy" Nakajima said, scowling. "You put our hundred grand in danger, I fuck your shit up."

"Hey I chipped in too you know!"

"Yeah... a freaking coin. I only let you join because of your toys," Nakajima checked the updated map on his visor and stood up. "How're you back anyway? We already exhausted all our life stocks."

"Well, you did. They didn't."

Nakajima paused. He scowled.

"Hey cappy, just hope we don't run into each other again 'kay."

The defected leader laughed. "Oh sorry. But you're already within my sights."

"What si-"

A hundred laser pointers flooded the room, lighting up every inch of him and his troops.

The defected leader's voice chuckled in his ears.

"Those weren't my only toys you know."

Nakajima didn't dare move a muscle.

"Cappy... you lift a single damn fing-"

"Sayonara bitch!"

Bullets riddled them like swiss cheese.

* * *

Nakajima threw the controller on the floor and kicked the table.

"I'll kill that fucker! I'mma kill him!"

He punched the wall.

His fingers cracked.

"Gah!"

He screamed and cradled his fingers. Falling onto the sofa, the gangster buried his head into a pillow and let loose a torrent of curses.

Around him sat other members of his gang, looking at each other with perplexed faces. They never knew the best way to approach Nakajima, so they mostly just waited for him to approach them.

Nakajima suddenly sat up. "Wait! The scouts! Oi, who're the scouts! You shits still alive?"

Two guys raised their hands and nodded.

"Quick! Log out! That'll cancel th-"

"GAME OVER", the television announced, in that fact announcing, gleefully spiteful voice.

"-e match... aw fuck."

The guys shared a look among each other. "Uh, does that mean we're in crippling debt now?" said one of the scouts.

Nakajima gave him a withering glare. "Yeah Shou, we're in crippling fucking debt. Who the hell's idea was it to borrow from that shark again? I'mma kill that fucker."

All hands dutifully pointed to him as one.

Nakajima looked at all the hands kicked the chair. "God damn it! I can't kill myself," he said and trudged over back to the sofa. Dumping himself in the middle, he scowled at all his men. They all got busy with setting back the furniture the way it was and putting all the controllers back in the box.

The other people in the room gave him weird looks but knew him well enough to stay away from during his _moods._

"What's up kid? Care for a drink?" Nakajima looked behind him, at the man with a cigarette in his mouth and a strawberry milkshake in his hand.

"Aw fuck off pops," Nakajima frowned and looked away, "I just come here for the burgers and the game. I already told you your drinks taste like piss."

The man shook his head and went away, leaving with a "just don't beat up my customers okay kid?"

The eye-patched teen ignored him, more pressing things occupied his mind. Like how they're gonna be screwed over if they don't manage to repay their debt on time. Gangsters gave good loans, they also gave good bullet holes if you defaulted.

He groaned and rubbed his head. "Damn it, now we can't even buy a inch. The fuck we'll do with all the kids..."

A buzz cut thug turned and began, "well we could always retur-"

A shoe hit him square in the face and knocked him over, "yeah, fuck that Buzz. I ain't sending them back to a shit hole to starve okay. So give me a better idea," Nakajima said and leaned back into the sofa, "and someone gimme my shoe. And for god's sake change the channel man! I don't wanna know how much ass we sucked in the match!"

The television blinked and out poured the voice of the daily news.

"-nd the top story tonight folks! Caped crusader akin to a every comic fanboy's fantasy seemingly lurks our streets ladies and gentlemen."

Nakajima's face scrunched. Wha?

"Sticking to the shadows and dishing out justice hours before the police even arrive at the scene, this vigilante has reduced the weekly crime rate by at least fifty percent and looking at the rate she's going it doesn't seem to be stopping folks!"

Nakajima looked at the blurry images on the screen, some dark figure with a cape and pointy ears.

Wow, this town was full of freaks. First that skirt trotting samurai and now this? What's the world coming to?

"-and now an announcement from the police. The local authorities are awarding money the upwards of hundreds in cash for any and every information of this vigilante."

Nakajima's eyes widened and he sat up straight.

"This man or woman is taking the law into their own hands, says the commissioner. If not brought to justice who knows how many more such degenerates this will inspire. And now it's time for the polls people. What do you think is this person, a menace or a-"

Nakajima drowned out the rest of the conversation. His face grinned wide, and he sprung up on his feet.

"Oi shitheads, you lot go and cook the kiddies their dinner. I've got some business to take care of."

Buzz-cut sat up with stars dancing around his head and said, "where you going boss?"

Nakajima smirked.

"Let's just call it bounty hunting."

He took out his phone and searched for the best images of his target.

And there she was.

Crouching over the ledge of a building, clad in skintight black leather armor with a black knife in one hand. Strands of dark purple hair fell down her back as she stared back at the camera with a masked glare.

Nakajima memorized every detail of her.

And no, it was not because she was super hot or anything. He was just being a good tactician that's all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... hehehe. Any wild guesses?
> 
> Ciao~


	17. Chapter 13: Impersonation? Or shipping sensation?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

A girl with brown hair tied with a white ribbon skipped her way across the roof with multiple telescopes over her head, held with her hands. Her face had a cheery smile which shone as bright as the day, making the world doubly as bright.

Meteorologists and weather men all over the world scratched their heads over why all the water in the world didn't just evaporate in the intense sunny shine, oddly tinged pink for some reason. Scientists banged their heads in puzzlement at the satellite images from the space station. Apparently the earth loved them for it had a giant 'luv u!' cloud over every country. It was quite bro of the earth after all the shit they put it through, thought many well meaning guys, and #broearth became the trending hash-tag on social media.

This was immediately followed up with feminine outrage over why the earth was a bro and not a sis. #herearth immediately took off.

Hypocrisy thy name be scarce.

Anyway.

The leaders across the earth used this as another point in their favor that global warming was just a hoax and that all scientists liked to blow their funding on making toys, while astrologists declared that this was the day an angel of love smiled down upon the world.

Astronomers' eyes burned red as they kept staring at the stars and wondering how the newly dubbed 'damsel in love' constellation snuck up on them. Top technology companies panicked as much of their top secret ai projects went open source, while one particular ceo stared through his telescope wondering who the hell stole his damn car.

It was in space for crying out loud?!

Happily oblivious to all this the cheery girl went about setting the her amateur telescopes in specific spots around the roof. All directed towards a specific school.

A school into which she saw a girly boy run into. He had a cute little red bow on his chestnut hair. She snickered, and managed to click a picture and forwarded it to her bestie.

_You know you'll just scare her with such things._

She frowned and added the message, 'Hey! I'm learning photoshop and thought this looked so cute! :D.'

Her phone pinged back, 'haa, looks good... :)'

She then smirked and added, 'hey maybe I should send him this too! He already calls you his goddess maybe he'll start _worshiping_ you now! And maybe you could then show him some _kindness_ and... you know *chuckle*'

The girl grinned and sent the message. Her eyes then shone and the image of her bestie almost tripping onto the ground and whining into her hands filled her senses. Aww, she was just so easy to embarrass!

_Do you have to do that?_

"Oh, come on! I'm just having some fun! Besides, better tide her over for a while," she said, setting up the last of her telescopes and stepping back to the center of the roof.

_Oh and one more thing._

"Hm?" she said as she dragged a table towards the roof's edge near her spying glasses. "What's up?"

_That part of your thoughts where-_

"My my, we've only been on one date and you're already reading my thoughts! How bold!" She blushed prettily and averted her eyes for the fourth wall.

_-what?! You know I can always read your thoughts. I mean it's just scrolling on my screen._

"Mnhmm, can you tell what I'm thinking _now._ "

_... you have one dirty dirty mind._

She shrugged and chuckled, "eh, it happens when you're bored and have access to the internet. Anyway, it's no dirtier than the stuff I find of _me_ there."

_Yeah... don't you find that creepy?_

She gave him a sardonic eyebrow lift, "really now? You have any right to talk about that? I know all about that r/ddlc you keep hanging arou-"

_Dokis rule! Nonyabusiness!_

"Oh it is when you keep staring at my fanart... Wow, you're right this is werid. But still, flattering that you prefer me. My _dear_ modder-kun~" She blew a kiss and heard the satisfying sound of someone's gasp.

_W-What are you talking about? I-I don't prefer an-_

"bookpow"

_... aahh shit. I didn't log out did I?_

"Yup."

_That's a violation of privacy!_

The girl looked through the telescope and grinned at the sight. "Hey, hey look at this! Quick!"

* * *

Takada Satoru was one badass teacher, the entire school agreed. But he did have his occasional moments of sheer lame. Like the time he gave all his students a clueless look when asked if he heard any rock or pop music. "Well," he said scrunching his forehead, "I do listen to the occasional Bach." The student's collective faceplam was a kind of music in itself.

Today another such situation presented itself when his student showed up after a long absence. "Ah, Jack! What a surprise!" he smiled broadly at his student.

Said student looked around in a panic, "Heeh? Whatever do you mean sensei? I'm Sayori silly~" Said student stood on one foot and posed cutely. Half the classes' guys turned green in the face.

Takada's face turned uncomfortable. "Ah, I take it your recovery had complications Jack," Takada sighed. "It can't be helped I guess, it figures that your best friend's memories would imprint themselves on you."

Said student flailed his hands, "Ahh phooey! I can't believe you're making fun of me sensei. How can someone as cute as me," the student put a finger on one cheek, bent forward and blew a kiss, "be as dull as Jack!"

Several boys ran out of the class pushing 'Sayori' out of the way. Their faces pinched in revulsion and their hands preventing the escape of their stomach's contents. The girls fell over themselves in laughter and began taking pictures.

Takada's face lit in realization. "Oh! I see! Oh, hrmm yes yes. My contacts! Wherever have I placed them! I'm terribly sorry Sayori, I seem to have mistaken you for Jack." He smiled and shrugged at her. Let it be said that Takada Satoru was a horrible actor and had horrible memory.

'Sayori' accepted the apology with tears of shame trailing down her cheeks. "It's okay sensei," she sniffed, "it's not like I just killed my self-respect or anything." She sniffed again, averting her gaze from everyone and trudging towards her seat.

She sat down glumly and set about taking out her textbook. A hand landed on her shoulder startling her and snapping her head up. A boy kneeled before her desk, smiling softly at her.

She blinked at him, "Kenta?"

With a handkerchief he gently rubbed the tears away. "Don't mind them," he said opening her palms and closing the cloth within them. "They're just excited to have such a wonderful girl like you back with us," he said, standing up and rubbing the back of his head with a shy smile.

"...," Sayori stared at him with wide eyes.

"Hey listen this is outta nowhere but I think you really look cute today, I don't know why I never realized this but especially today you look amazing," the boy kept blurting with closed eyes, not realizing the look of dawning horror on the girl's face. "So would you go out with me today!" he finished and finally braved opening his eyes.

Sayori was sobbing into the handkerchief.

"The first confession I get and it had to be you! Why?! Why couldn't it be some cute girl!"

Kenta's eyes widened and he stepped back, "o-oh, I'm so sorry for assuming! I didn't realize!" Kenta paused, he tilted his head and began, "just curious but, what do you think of Monika-san?"

Sayori snarled, "she stole something from me that I don't know how to get back!"

Kenta's eyes narrowed. "What is it?"

Sayori scowled, "my first kiss-"

Kenta's eyebrows vanished into his hairline.

"-and also my... uhh... my..."

Kenta leaned forward, "yes! Your what?"

Sayori squirmed, "I don't know how to explain, it's kinda embarrassing. I mean I can't just say it out loud."

Kenta gasped, his mind forming it's own conclusions. His mind ran a mental scenario of what it just understood and his face lit up red.

"A-ah, excuse me Sayori-san. I might need to go hit my head againt the wall," he said and brisk walked out of the class.

Takada willfully ignored all this while sticking his butt out from under his desk. "Where is my damn contact lens!" Never was there an actor as horrible as he.

Jack scowled at them all. Freaking weirdos, the lot of them.

* * *

_Wow, poor guy._

"What poor guy? Idiot couldn't even tell she was d- that she likes him so much." Monika said, stepping away from the telescope.

Suddenly her phone buzzed. She swiped the message under Sayori's name, 'MONIKA! WHEN DID WE GET TOGETHER!'

_Wow, news travels fast._

Monika winced. "Great now this sounds like the start of some ill thought out romance."

Another message pinged and she swiped it, 'I didn't know you felt that way about me Monika... I... I'm sorry but I don't know if I can return those feelings. :(. I'm such a bad friend...'

_Soo what're you gonna do :D._

Monika scowled at no one in particular. "Hey aren't you supposed to be jealous." She stared at the pitiful message staring back at her. "What's the right answer in this situation?"

_Hmm, how about 'I'll do anything for you!'_

"I'm not that desperate, heck I don't even like her like that."

_Or, 'I'm okay with being the third wheel, as long as I can be with you.'_

"Get your mind outta the gutter." Monika growled.

_Or even, 'It's okay Sayori-chan, I'll wait till the end of time for you. Even if you just see me as a friend... as someone invisible to deeper affections. I'll wait, forever. For you...'_

"..., you know," Monika shook her head and peeked through another telescope, "I felt the same way about you."

_W-What?_

"Not you specifically perhaps but- whatever forget it. Doesn't matter.," she looked into the literature club which had a certain samurai staring into space and reading a manga.

_Are you getting back your memories!_

"What? Nooo. What gave you that idea," she grinned, avoiding the direction in which she could feel the screen. "Can't even go home without a map you know!"

... _right._

"Anyway, just handle that message for me will you? You're better at dealing with virtual girls than I am dear." Monika felt her phone ping. "Thanks. What did you reply?

_Oh, I sent her that Valentine's day fanart of you._

Monika's eyes widened and she jerked up straight. "You what?!"

_The one where you hold out a chocolate, that pretty smile and all. He he he. She'll love that :D._

"You idiot! Stop ruining our plans!" Her ears picked up perverted giggles. "And stop trying to ship me with her!"

_Aw come on! It'll be fun!_

"Why I outta..." She grit her teeth.

_Hey you should check out the Goddess Queen army's blog sometimes._

"I'd rather drown myself. But, speaking of them. I wonder how they feel about Sayori's return." Monika slapped the telescope, spinning it into it's correct position and peeked through it.

_This should be interesting. Ho ho ho._

* * *

Kenta stood with his back to a wall and peeked out. He looked into the corridor and found the bow wearing girl picking out something from her locker. A fierce scowl rest on her face as she slammed it close and trudged off.

Kenta winced, he'd seen what the forums were flooded with. Couldn't his classmates be a little more sensitive? Especially after she showed up after so long. And he hadn't made matters any better. Hell he could even be responsible for the rumors, forcing the girl into a corner so that she had to confess her true feelings...

His palms clenched into fists. By the great sun that warms his pimpled butt everyday, he swore that he'd apologize and help her weather through this.

So he followed her. But unfortunately for him, who wanted to speak to her alone, he found company in the form of the many professional sniffing out-of-leaguers.

He'd given them a weird look and only got a warm, "welcome to the brotherhood of the Goddess Queen army fellow worshipper," from some guy calling himself the grand general, who winked at the word worship as if sharing with him an inside joke.

The boy sighed, he had to lose these guys. What would Takada-sensei do?

'Well Kenta, when in doubt. Bullshit away! Like how I told your mom that I like taking things slow, so she'd stop bothering me!'

Hmm, so did it mean that in reality he liked taking it super fast? He should probably let his mom know. Sensei would be so happy! That shy man!

Crouching behind a table in the canteen with the other stalkers, Kenta rubbed his chin. So how could he bullshit these guys? Well they seemed to like the girls' relationship if their happy sighs and brofists were any indication.

A metaphorical light lit up in Kenta's mind.

He poked his head out. Good, Sayori wasn't in view. He jumped up, scrambled to the window and thrust his hand outside, pointing. "Oh my god! They're making out in the bushes!"

"What?!"

"Shit! We can't miss this!"

"Chaaaarge!"

The canteen soon emptied itself of the pro-shippers, leaving just the sane part of the student body behind.

Kenta patted himself on the back and jogged out of the canteen. His eyes swept the place and caught the tail ends of a chestnut haired girl disappearing into a room whose door just slammed shut.

He marched upto the door and stood a respectable distance away from it. He waited for her to come out and occupied himself with counting the numbers of tiles on the floor. He ignored the sounds from within.

"Oi you bastard!" Kenta felt himself pushed against the wall. His eyes widened and he took in all the guys with enraged faces surrounding him. He gulped. Man, he didn't see them coming.

"Why the hell did you lie! We outta pumm-"

The door swung open and out stepped a long brown haired girl wearing a white ribbon and a pissed off face.

"I swear I'll get back at that no good-" she saw the assembled band of guys whose eyes were trained on her. "Aah, I mean what're all you silly boys doing here~ Spying on little ol'me?" She smirked a grimace at them.

Kenta blinked. "Wha? I swear I saw Sayori go in..."

Monika's smile shook. "W-What do you mean?" She averted her eyes and inched closer to the door. "There's just me here. No one else inside. No one else at all. Ahahaha."

The sound of something crashing inside filled their ears. Monika winced, "damn you chair..." she muttered.

One of the other guys stepped forward, he had an eager look on his face. Eager spoke with a devious smile, "oh, what was that then?"

Monika laughed helplessly, "oh, you know, rats. It's the janitor's closet after all."

Eager raised a brow, "really? Rats now? Maybe we should complain huh? The janitor has no excuse carrying around rats in his closet."

The girl's eyes widened. "No! Don't do that. He'll lose his job!" She scowled, "okay fine, Sayori's in. Happy?"

Eager looked back at the other guys with a smile. He turned back to Monika, "so uh, we wanted to confirm something with you two. Could you ask her to come out?"

Monika peeked behind her and back, "she... can't."

Eager quirked a brow, "why not?"

Monika groaned and hid her face into her shoulder, "she... she's tired okay? She's asleep."

The boys exchanged glances. Kenta took it upon himself to ask, "why's she tired? All I heard was something shuffling inside?"

Monika snarled at him, "we were playing a game okay! Happy! Get off my case already!"

"A... game..." The boys took a collective step back. All of them, except Kenta, had on their faces looks of disbelief that their belief was not in fact as unbelievable as they'd at first believed. Eager spoke with quivering lips, "s-s-so is it true then? Is that why you two disappeared." He spoke as if awaiting the world to tell him that his deepest convictions were right all along.

She scowled at him. "Is what true?"

"T-That you t-t-two ran away to be closer than e-e-ever. H-Happily ever a-a-after."

She scratched the back of her head. "I don't get what you mean but yeah. You could say we're closer." She scowled and looked back into the closet. "It's almost as if we're one in the same person really. Pft, you could say one soul two bodies," she laughed with self-contempt.

She looked back at the boys. They all had their hands on their blushing cheeks. "What do you guys say, good one right?" she grinned at them.

The boys _squealed_.

"Oh, my goddess! They're together!"

"They're closer than ever!"

"Holy crap! I need to blog about this!"

"Come men! We must dedicate fanart to our angels at once!"

The storm of boys, along with a helpless Kenta caught up in them, ran out of the hallway in excited and frenzied chatters.

Jack scowled at them, as they disappeared from sight.

"Freaking weirdos. Why do I go to school again?"

He heard a distant voice yelling for its contact lens.

Jack groaned and buried his head into his hands.

* * *

The buzz in her pockets was almost prophetic. Monika slapped her head and swiped the message.

'We're married?! When? How? :O I'm so sorry I don't remember! :('

_Oh my god! Ha ha ha ha. XD. Congratulations!_

Monika fell to her knees, hitting her kneecaps but not caring. Her eyes burned red as she screamed, "I hate you Jack! You stupid loser! I've always hated you but never more than now! You stupid indecisive idiot!"

_Hey calling him indecisive ain't fair right? Just look at how much he's grown! :D_

Monika resisted the urge to send the modder a shock through his mouse. "Shut up! You keep this up and I'll dump you!" she said.

_No! I'm sorry! I'll stop fooling around._

"You better..." Her phone buzzed again. She reluctantly stared at the message. Her eyes perked up however when she saw who the sender was.

'Took care of some crooks by eastside highway. Please alert the police, Penny-san. They'll want information from them.'

_Oh, looks like she's getting the hang of this. How long do you figure before it happens?_

"Going by what happened? Pretty soon," she grinned. "Now if only we can get Sayori back on track."

_Oh don't worry, I took care of that. :D_

Monika's grin died. "What. did. you. do." She grit her teeth.

_Oh nothing, just informing her of all the things she's apparently forgotten of your relationship. Oh and that she forgets stuff when drunk. :D._

"... hey modder-kun~" Monika smiled sweetly at the screen. "Would you tell me your favorite color. I want to give you something for your birthday."

[Pink]

[Purple]

[Brown]

[Chestnut]

[Other]

_You don't have to get me anything, but sure I guess._

Monika sensed the option being clicked and lashed out her hand. A bolt of lightning burst out of her arm and struck the sky.

She heard a girly scream and the sound of someone falling onto the floor. She snickered, "did we learn a lesson now? Modder-kun? Angry girlfriends make for sparky company."

* * *

The modder lay on the floor, groaning. His hair stood up straight, sparking the occasional electric current.

"Oww," he said as he slowly got up and sat down on his chair again.

"Hey, why couldn't they tell it was Jack like those guys in his class could?" he saw Monika's message on the screen.

He grinned and started typing.

"I guess you could say they were blind with devotion"

Monika gave him a blank stare and then lifted her hand.

"Yeowch!" He yelped and fell down again, his keyboard sparking with angry red current.

"What did I ever see in you again," said the sighing girl on the screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I know I suck :). But hey it's fun writing. Have a nice day peeps!
> 
> Ciao~


	18. Chapter 14: Go to school, become a tool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

I think therefore I wonder why I am.

Human being.

A being of thought, one capable of looking at itself and identifying itself as itself. One which understands what being one means and enacts itself as oneself. Something which can think around itself and the world around it in circles. Something which calls itself an I.

But I wonder who I really am.

I am the only child of a humble family of three. A nagging but loving mother, a stern but back-patting father, and myself, a bona fide stud and lady-killer if I'm being honest.

My life is relatively unremarkable, it is the life lived by every teenage boy up to the age of eighteen, at least in the contemporary sense. Born and then quickly shuffles into school, that describes the majority of my occupation on earth. And what a fun filled romp has school been let me tell you.

More on that later but first let me enlighten you about the one person outside my immediate family that I feel by all means should've been part of my family.

My mother tells me that I first met her at the age of six when we'd newly moved into our present home. I was apparently being a brat about being bored out of mind, because of all the furniture moving and the whole being forced to hang out with relatives who'd come to wish us well, so my mother had kicked me into the garden and told me to play with my shovel and bucket.

I must have given her a weird look then as I did now while she recited to me this tale. Did she want me to dig up the garden and be rewarded with a spanking for my efforts?

Continuing.

My mother then after seeing off all the well meaning guests returned to collect me from the garden and got the shock of her life.

She saw me and a little girl choking each other to death, while I bonked her with my shovel and she tried to crack my skull with the bucket.

And that was the start of a beautiful friendship.

My mom shrieked as every mother was wont to do when they find two children, one being her own, engaged in a no holds barred death-match.

She promptly stepped in between us and broke up our fight. Good for the girl because I must've totally been winning.

After checking me for injuries my mother rounded up on the girl, ready to give her a stern talking to and ask for her parents. But the little scamp had already disappeared blowing the wind off my mother's sails.

"Jack stay away from the violent girl okay," my mother told me.

Since when did kids listen to parents again?

I remember sneaking out when mom was too busy with housework to go exact my revenge upon the girl. But no matter how many times I tried to get the jump on her she always found me first and tackled me from behind. Our battlegrounds were always my garden, the park in the street corner or right on the road before my home.

After exhausting all our energies we'd just lie on the ground and stare at the sky, too spent to bother talking. Then she'd pop back up rub her victory in my face and dash off while I'd sulk and hit the ground at the unfairness over losing to a girl. At least until she'd come back bringing some kind of chocolate, cotton candy or icecream for the both of us with a huge grin on her face. And I'd smile with her.

Two weeks after our first bout, early in the morning my mother woke up to the sounds of scuffling outside the house. She opened the window to the sight of the little girl holding my legs in a strangle hold and me punching the ground in agony like a wuss. Both of us stared up as we heard the window open and our eyes widened.

The girl disappeared by the time mom rushed out of the house in her night dress panting with her hair all messed up. She glared at me while I smiled at her.

"Her name is Sayori mom!" I told her, smiling though roughed up with scrapes on my limbs. "She's my new friend!"

My mother squinted her eyes at me before she shook her head. She told me to bring her home next time instead of tussling in the street. She then bonked me for leaving the door open and letting the chilly air inside.

I simply grinned in excitement. We could wrestle in my room now! Was my most probable thought at that age. I was bonked again. I must have expressed that sentiment via my vocal cords.

And the next time she'd shown up raring for a rematch I'd invited her home and dragged her off before she could protest. I proudly presented her before my mom.

Though for some odd reason the girl took it upon herself to wrap me in a hug and rub her cheek against mine while squealing happily.

My mom's attention immediately fell on me and she asked me what I'd said to her before bringing her inside. It embarrasses me to this day that I'd said-

"Come on in quick! Mom want to meet you, and welcome to the family!"

But in my defense, I'd meant welcome as in welcoming her into the house to see the family not making her a part of it... ah, I'm blushing now.

Though that didn't mean Sayori wasn't any less weird than me.

My mom then asked her why she kept beating me up and why she was acting so happy.

Sayori had hid behind me and replied shyly, "I-I heard boys liked fighting so I thought maybe I could become friends like that," she then hugged me again, "but Jack took me home after beating him for only two weeks! He must really like me," she giggled and rubbed her face into my shoulder, while I scowled at her. What did she mean _beat,_ they were draws at best.

Anyway we continued our amateur wrestling well until the time where biological differences made it impossible for her to overpower me anymore, and then it simply became boring for the both of us. So we just hung out with each other despite our fun tussles, we'd grown to like, or atleast pleasantly tolerate, each other's presence by then. The occasional indignant free for all did occur but that was more in the spirit of reenacting our childhood brawls. Though I had become the delegated candy bringer whether I won or not...

A portion of my allowance is labeled Sayori.

Sayori and I did not attend elementary together, but joined the same school from middle school onwards.

Which brings me back to the matter of the fun filled romps called schools.

What. is. the. point.

You have these designated _buildings_ for cramming things into people's minds. Just, why? And then you have people's expectations on you. Your parents, your teachers, your friends. You start acting the way you are expected to act.

That is why I listened to the voice, and hence my dependence on it. It was a break from monotony, it was a challenge of established ideals. A breath of fresh air. It was a reply to all the other voices that said you can't do it.

But that is neither here nor there.

In school any thing which interests you has to be done in your own time, which practically does not exist because assignments. What I don't get is why do you have to teach us things we don't ask for? I mean other than a basic training in essential knowledge like reading, writing, or math, what use is anything else? Somedays I wonder if school is just an indoctrination center meant to prevent people from doing dangerous things.

Like thinking for themselves.

And don't get me started on the all the colorful people I meet here! People who I believe became colorful because of all the drivel which knocks out their inner color and forces them to exhibit it in ways I would rather do without.

Which brings me to my present _colorful_ situation. Within an equally _colorful_ club, I mean seriously whose idea was it to hang ribbons and sprinkle confetti on the floor. And not to mention the _vibrantly_ _colorful_ people currently in my company.

I sat in my chair with 'Yuri' and 'Jack' seated beside me in our joined desks. I smiled like a pretty coma patient torturing bitch- I mean Monika, while I ratted out some shit or whatever about poetry.

"Poetry poetry, rhyme this, rhyme that, poetry, good rhyme, bad half rhyme. Sophistication." I nodded my head with folded hands like I knew something.

'Yuri' nodded gravely and took out a book from her bag and presented it to 'Jack', her biceps quite tight fitting against her sleeves. "Books, books, dark, tragedy, dark dark. Very magic. Much good. Thrill, romance, stab action. Sophistication. Umhmm."

'Jack' looked at the book with wide eyes and burst into tears. "Wah! No read, just cute girls, Jack no wanna read big book, sniff, sniff. Big book scare Jack. Jack just really like Yuri."

Jack, paused in between his crocodile tears and winked at me before falling into Yuri's arms and sobbing inconsolably.

I stared at 'Jack' with twitching eyes. The hell's she think she's doing! I can read books! Why the hell does she have to pretend to be me again!

Yuri then lifted Jack's head and softly spoke, "Don't cry, books books, literature, love, I'll teach you," she said and started passionately making out with him.

My jaw dropped... What the hell? Oi assholes! Don't make me jealous of an alternate universe version of me who doesn't exist. And also there's a teacher in the room!

"Ah, ahem. My my, is this a literature club or the dating club?" said Takada-sensei, as he looked at the lovebirds falling all over each other.

"Whaaat?" said a pretty buff pink hair pretend girl, "come on sensei, can't you tell that they're just role-playing? I mean it's pretty obvious."

"Oh Yuri, please pass on all your knowledge about the lands beyond through your sweet sweet lips, my word loving angel," Jack said, as he pressed his head against Yuri's. "Won't you teach me Yuri?" Jack leaned forward whispered into her ear.

I face palmed.

Yuri blushed and her eyes widened, "o-oh, s-sure Saya- uh Jack. Uh, hahaha. Man you sure know how to get me all red." Yuri smiled and scratched her cheek.

Jack glared and headbutted her. "Don't ruin the mood idiot!" Jack then whisper-yelled. "Get into the role, we're pretending remember!"

I shook my head at her, what kind of a person do you think I am? And I just _know_ that this'll end up on the forums. I rubbed the back of my head. Man I hope the wrong person doesn't see it.

Takada-sensei chuckled, "you guys interested in drama by any chance?" he asked 'Natsuki' as they made their way to the exit. I stood up to follow them and to get away from role playing pair. "My theater group would love to have talent like yours with us," said Takada-sensei as he whipped out a card and gave it to Natsuki.

I looked at Takada-sensei with my lips pressed into a line. If you're the talent agent no wonder it's filled with over the top actors. Friendship? Over the top guy fights. Romance? Epic hand holding and balcony rock songs. Tragedy? Everyone dies or shoots themselves in the face. Even the audience.

Takada-sensei then bent close to me and winked. "I'll be expecting that new car you hear," he said and patted my head. I nodded rapidly and bowed to him in thanks. Say what you will about him though, at the end he's still a pretty cool guy.

Takada-sensei then gave Natsuki a smile, "take care of the kids Gin-san. They're pretty precious to me." He turned around and then walked away with his bag over one shoulder and a hand raised in farewell.

I smiled at the man and waved my hand. Wow, if only every teacher could be as cool as him.

And then a fishing hook shot out of the window from outside, caught the collar of his shirt and pulled him screaming off the floor and out the window.

"Gaaah!" he shrieked as he smashed through the glass and vanished.

"Look Kenta! I caught you a new dad!" someone outside chirped.

I sighed and dragged my palm across my face, well I did say he had his moments of both utter cool and sheer stupid.

Why do I go to school again?

Gintoki sighed beside me and removed his wig. "Damn it, I'm gonna ditch these clothes. I don't give a shit about that guy anymore. See ya later Jack, we'll meet here again in an hour. Damn kids giving me problems wherever I go," he said and went off down the corridor. He did pause to shout out a 'good luck sensei' near the broken window through which Takada-sensei had disappeared through.

Having nothing better to do I turned around to head back into the club, however I found the door closed and a guy leaning on it with his head down and his hands folded. He had the air of a cool customer, and wore a cap that said 'Captain #1'.

I held my neck. What do I do? My clothes were in the club.

[Flirtily ask him to move aside]

[Well, maybe you need to complete a side quest before you can access the room again]

[Lean beside him against the door and try to be cool together]

[Grab his cap and say 'mine']

Ah, shit. Choice. My worst enemy. Hey voice you wouldn't happen to be there eh?

... just your own thoughts bro.

Shit. Hm, well I guess I could just-

I stepped beside him, folded my hands and leaned against the door. One foot on the floor and the other against the door. I scowled at all the students who gave us weird look as they passed by, what're they looking at? Can't they handle our cool.

"Don't get it," said ma home boy shaking his head.

"You tell 'em brother," I fist bumped his shoulder, "plebs don't know the meaning of cool if it hits them in the face. Fo shiz." I shook my hands like I was trying to shake water off it like the cool kids on tv.

Yo-yo man turned to me, "no, I mean how couldn't they see it was just you wearing a wig?" I stopped shaking, "you're nothing like them!"

"Whaa?" Did he find out my secret identity?

Detective man stood in front of me and gave me a frown, "Jack, remove that wig, you look ridiculous. And for Sayori's sake come back here with your own clothes on." Shaking his head, the unmasker of Jack went to the opposite wall and resumed his portrayal of cool, confident in the knowledge that I now had to do whatever he asked of me, lest I put my loved ones in danger.

My heart clenched. The very thought of it struck me with a wild panic. The fiend... I could just feel his nefarious intentions. "As you say, bloodhound. As you say." I whispered as I returned to the club, slamming the door behind me.

Yamamoto and Saya hung out in the back of the room in their respective clothes and looking out the window at the setting sun. They perked up at my entry and started bombarding me with queries, even as I went into the store room with my clothes.

"So how'd we do!"

"I don't mean to _brag_ , but I think I play a pretty good you. Don't you think?"

"Hey where's Bufftsuk- ow!"

"Stop saying that! Poor Natsuki, she's gone and you're here making fun of her!"

Coming out the room clad in my own clothes, I pushed off everything else I'd worn throughout the day into Yamamoto's hands. He could burn them for all I cared. I then placed a hand on both their shoulders and said gravely.

"Guys... we might be in danger. My identity's out." I looked at them with a pinched face.

They exchanged a look, looked back at me and gasped, their hands rushed to their mouths in abject shock. Or Yamamoto's case, he got a mouthful of my used clothes.

I nodded at them. Good, they understood the gravity of the situation. "Stay safe guys. And keep fighting the good fight," I pushed past them as quickly as I could, not wanting them to stop me. I had to do this.

"Wait, are we still roleplayin-" I didn't hear the rest of what Yamamoto said as I shut the door behind me, no doubt he was worried for my safety. That man... I smiled. He'll take care of the city in my absence, he'll be the knight. Not the one it deserves, but the one it needs.

... shit, I think all that pretending made me a bit kookie.

But then again I _am_ in school.

Doubly kookie then.

Leaner, looked up as I stood before him. "So, what do you want? And how do you know my name huh?" I frowned at him. "Can't say I ever met you."

Leaner pushed off the wall and offered me his hand. "Call me Captain Haru, Jack. I'm the fifth captain of the Holy Army Of The Goddess Queen." I nodded as I shook his hand, I could hear the capitalized words as he spoke that goofy name.

His grip then tightened and he yanked me forward, our faces lay an inch apart. "And how wouldn't I know the demon whose existence we curse everyday. You damn thorn in the ship," he said with a snarl. He then let go and whirled away in disgust. "You are the only one standing in the way of our angels' happiness. Why can't you just let them get together. Why do you torment them with your temptations, you devil!" He slammed the wall with his fist. His chest rose and fell as he breathed heavily.

I watched the poor guy with pity despite the slanders upon my name. Poor guy, school must've got to him pretty bad.

He then looked back at me with a smirk. "However, your pretensions were for naught! Demon! Look at the developments you have laid!" He threw his phone at me. The projectile's arc mesmerized me.

It fell on the floor. We heard the screen crack.

"... I'm not gonna pay for that," I said as I picked it up, ignoring his wide eyes. The broken screen displayed the school's chat server. My eyes focused on the chat of two handles.

Say-Sayori: W-We can get m-married again if you want to...

Moniker: For the last **time!** Nobody got married! And don't you like Jack!

Say-Sayori: ... I'm really sorry I'm forcing you to sacrifice your love for me. I-I need some time... maybe I can... we can still..

Moniker: I'm not sacrificing anything!

Say-Sayori: But you just sent me all those poems... *blushes* they were so sweet.

Moniker: ... what?

Say-Sayori: Here look-

'''

Why search far, why look wide,

When everyday I see you smile,

Why search high, why look low,

When my sadness you exile,

'''

I just want to hold you close,

My heart and soul forever yours,

Every moment with you my treasure,

I just want you to call me yours,

'''

Your hugs jolt me with current,

They fill me with joy and longing unbound,

My love comes out in the form of verse,

Sayori, won't you hear my heart's desparate sound,

'''

I want to trap you with my lips,

In the trys-

Moniker: **OKAY! STOP! THIS IS THE PUBLIC CHAT!** Stop posting whatever that is over here!

Say-Sayori: Oh... *grins sheepishly* whoops! Guess we don't need to hide it anymore, hahaha.

Moniker: Just stop posting messages! You're making it worse! And also I didn't wri-

The phone was snatched away from my grasp. And the smug captain stared back at me. "Hmph! Your desecration has turned upon you! Now it is only some time before they are truly together Demon Jack... or should I say Master Shipper," he said and laughed.

I ignored that idiot as I hastily took out my own phone and started messaging Sayori. Her handle showed that she was online.

Jacko: Hey! Sayori how are you! I woke up!

I waited for her reply... I sent another message.

Jacko: Where are you anyway? I really wanted to see your face first you know. Instead I got a cheap horror movie reject.

Jacko: ... come on, Sayori? I... I miss you.

My phone buzzed.

Say-Sayori has logged out.

My hands clenched around the phone. Damn it. What the hell's her problem?

"You just tried to ask her where she was didn't you?" The captain said, "no use. She logs out whenever she thinks we're gonna ask her where she is. We tried."

I scowled and shoved the phone back into my pocket. Looking at him I said, "okay so did you just want to ruin my mood? Congrats you succeeded. Now get lost," I was going to turn away but he put his hand on me. Before I could punch him he said.

"What if I told you there's a way to find her... a way open only to you... demon," the captain locked me with his eyes, staring at me with a strange fascination.

"What do you mean?" I said, removing his hand from my shoulder. The captain turned his back to me and started down the hallway.

"Come, demon. The mad prophet awaits," he said, looking over his shoulder and then disappearing down a turn.

I bit my lips. Well, not like I have any better leads.

"Oi, wait for me!" I said as I jogged after him.

"The holy army waits for none, demon! Didn't your unholy trainer do the drills!"

I resisted the urge to facepalm.

Fucking, school.

* * *

Elsewhere.

Sitting in an alleyway on an giant pipe, Nakajima swiped his phone at the message he received. It was a picture of Jack and that knife girl making out.

Nakajima snarled and punched Jack's face, breaking his phone into two.

He hurled the phone into the street and roared at the heavens.

"I'll kill that fucker!"

On the rooftop a caped crusader winced at the volume of that scream and rubbed her ears. She'd have to ask Penny-san how to turn down the microphone's settings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooo~ I hope you liked this chapter!
> 
> And also what do people in games and anime do in school? They do everything in the world other than study. Giant robots? Check. Vampires? Yawn, did that yesterday. Time travel? Yup, yup, yup aaand yup! Exams? Say whaaat?
> 
> Anyway, have a great day peeps!
> 
> Ciao~


	19. Chapter 15: Read all about it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

"Well, well, well, if it isn't senor Spaghetti Sauce."

A scrawny man with long brown hair and pupiless eyes threw his head back and rattled the room with his mad laughter. His untethered strands danced like tortured ragdolls as he shook in merriment. The sound echoed off the walls of the room scarce in light, illuminated only by some candles. Candles which lent the smell of burnt incense and mixed it with the dampness of the room courtesy of the water dripping from pipes overhead.

Captain Haru stood off to the side and leant against the wall, a pained expression on his face. His cap hung over his head hiding his eyes, and his cheeks spasmed as he grit his teeth. "What have we done to you," I heard him whisper as he clenched his fists and looked away.

I faced the mad man before me, who'd stopped his fevered shakes and hunched forward to look at me with a tilted head. His grin made me recoil in disgust, and my hand leapt to action. Eager to make away with the monstrosity I saw before me.

"Hey you got something stuck between your teeth there," I said pointing at his mouth.

"What? Really?" He took out a handkerchief from his pocket and started scraping his teeth. His face took on an annoyed look, "Man, I love corn but seriously. Does it  _have_ to get stuck in my teeth. I mean, all the time!" His fingers pinched through his handkerchief produced the food stuck between his teeth. Glaring at the offending yellowish thing he blew it off with a puff of air and replaced the cloth in his pocket. "No wonder my last client was looking away from my face," he said, scowling.

I clapped the good chap on the shoulder, "Don't worry man happens all the time. That's why I say you should always carry floss around with you," I said, bringing said item out of my pants and handing it to him.

He frowned at it, "I heard flossing scrapes the enamel off your teeth man. Bad stuff that," he shivered, "and urgh, I can't stand the sound of something scraping. Hurts my ears really."

"Now, now," I said, "maybe you can get someone else to do it for you while you shut your ears with your hands. My best friend's got some crooked teeth so I do it whenever she manages to get something stuck there. She can't stand the sound as well."

His brows rose, "she trusts you that much? Wow, friends like that are hard to come by these days." He sighed.

I grinned, "yeah she's one of a kind alright. Wouldn't trade her for the world."

He grinned and he elbowed me playfully. "And this friend's a girl eh? So, any plans on taking it to the next level?"

My eyes scrunched in confusion, "Next level? What, you want me to brush her teeth? She ain't a kid man..."

He face-palmed, "That's not what I meant. I meant becoming her boyfriend and such. From fun time to  _fun_ time," he smirked.

Captain Haru and I gasped in tandem.

"The very thought!" Haru's eyes widened at the very thought. "Taro, don't you know the character of this man," he said, looking at me with a disgusted sneer.

"Yeah man what do you take me for," I said, affronted, "it's not like that. I mean she probably doesn't even like me that way," I shook my head.

Haru's sneer intensified, "you fiend who plays with her heart. Pah!" He spat on the floor. "Do you even care one bit about her?" he glared at me.

I scowled, "what the hell man? She's my best friend, no matter how stupid she's being."

"So you don't care that she's thinking of marrying someone else?" Haru asked with a raised brow. "Not that I care because the impending union is wonderful and all."

The mad, but apparently sane, but if we're being honest, rather unkempt, man took a step back, "whoa! She's marrying someone else?" He then clasped my shoulder, "dude you okay with that?"

I looked away and kicked the floor, "come on, I don't think she's serious. And besides, she can marry whoever she wants to. But yeah, I'd like to talk to her before she goes through with it." I scowled, " _if_  she goes through with it."

The mad man shoved me so that I stepped back and stood face to face with his pupilless eyes. "Doubt colors your tone, senor Spaghetti Sauce."

My scowl turned into a weird face. "Uh, my name is Jack."

The mad man's eyes widened. "The demon! But... are you sure? It's supposed to be senor Spaghetti Sauce right?" He rubbed his chin.

"Yeeah, pretty sure," I nodded.

His rubbing intensified and he stared up at the wall, his lips moved as if reading something written on them. "Oh shit! Sorry! Wrong script! Wrong playthrough!" he exclaimed, and then waved at the wall. "Ah, there we go."

He cleared his throat and turned to the Captain. "Uh, Haru. Take it from the top 'kay?"

Captain Haru sighed, "Fine..."

I looked at them in confusion, "what?"

The mad man snapped his fingers.

The candles went off.

Another snap of the fingers.

The candles lit up.

The same scrawny man with long brown hair and pupiless eyes threw his head back and rattled the room with his mad laughter. His untethered strands danced like tortured ragdolls as his shook in his merriment. The sound echoed off the walls of the room scarce in light, illuminated only by a some scant candles. Candles which lent the smell of burnt incense and mixed it with the dampness of the room courtesy of the water dripping from pipes overhead.

Captain Haru stood off to the side and leant against the wall, a pained expression on his face. His cap hung over his head hiding his eyes, and his cheeks spasmed as he grit his teeth. "What have we done to you," I heard him whisper as he clenched his fists and looked away.

I faced the mad man before me, who'd stopped his fevered shakes and hunched forward to look at me with a tilted face. His grin made me recoil in disgust, and my hand leapt to action. Eager to make away with the monstrosity I saw before me.

"Seriously! Can't you clean your teeth!" I shrunk away, pointing at his teeth.

The idiot merely grinned wider. "Demon! Fiend! The thorn in the ship! I have been expecting you," he started giggling.

"Shut up, you were expecting senor Spaghetti Sauce an-"

"Welcome! Demon!" He said, cutting me off and throwing his hands back in grand fashion, "welcome to the room of future records! Where I read what the fates have deemed fit for you to know," he walked to the wall and scraped his hand across it, wincing as he did so, "where man may come to change his fortunes," he walked to the candles and put one off with the tip of his fingers, not confidently but with shivering hands and a cowering face, "where the flame of misfortune may yet be snuffed," and then he threw himself on the wooden chair in the center of the room, "and where one may make destiny their bitch."

I scratched my face and looked at Haru, "dude, who the hell is this clown."

Haru's chest puffed up in indignation, "silence demon! You are in the esteemed-"

I blinked.

"-presence of the mad prophet Taro!" Haru looked away with a dramatically pained face, "a man driven insane by the tortures done unto him by his own brothers. And for what crime? For only being the more cogent of us, the more farseeing. He is the ship master, and the one who shall guide you to your maker," the delusional man struck a pose akin to that of a religious fanatic, with a slobbering grin, wide gleaming eyes, and self assured holiness with imaginary hellfire igniting his background.

Hey, the hellfire would suit the situation is all I'm saying.

"He is our sin now bathed in virtue," he yelled, "and now he will read your fortune!"

"Come! Jack! And gaze with me into the unknown!" The now identified mad Taro beckoned me with his hands.

I shook my head, "no way I'm stepping any closer to that dirty mouth of yours."

"... don't ruin the mood demon." The prophet eyes became slits as he continued his beckons.

I turned to Captain Haru, "dude why the hell did you bring me here? You said you had a way to Sayori. So far all I've done is stare at that  _disgusting-_ put that corn cob down!" The mad prophet paused mid-bite, a cob of corn in his hands. "You're only making it worse!"

The mad prophet whined and snuck it back under his sleeves, "but I'm hungry," he said, "do you know how much acting takes it out of you?"

I faced the Captain again, who was now facepalming. "You either get him to floss his mouth or I'm walking."

"... but you're the one who want's the Goddess's location," said the Captain.

"... shit, fine I'll do it. Oi gimme the floss!"

The prophet backed away and hung against the wall, "your filthy hands shall not sully my piety you ship breaking scum!" The idiot threw his cob at me, "never!"

The Captain threw his cap on the ground, "this is going nowhere fast. Demon I'll hold him, you go for the kill." I nodded at him and started for the sweating prophet with my hands held as claws to snatch the floss from him and pry his mouth open.

"Damn it Haru! This is why I never trust you!" The prophet said.

"Tis for your own good my friend," said a solemn Haru as he slipped closer to his prophet.

"That's what you said last time!"

"... long live the ship. May the demon be killed and the Goddess Queen rise again."

I felt ashamed to be a part of this as I forced a man's mouth open and introduced to it something which it did not really want.

A floss.

* * *

_Riiing Riiing. Click_

"... hey you there?"

**"..."**

"The kid's awake now, so thanks for your help I guess."

**"..."**

"Look, I know you've been helpful and all, but I need some answers. Like where the hell am I? And why are you so secretive. Gimme me something so that I can trust you."

**"..."**

"I guess that's that then. Nice know-"

" **What do you want?"**

"Oh, freakin finally. Let's start with your name for starters. Who the hell are you?"

" **Call me -"**

"And none of that D shit."

" **Fine. Call me Destiny. I am the Destroyer of chance. I am the Denial of change. I am the final Destination. I am Death. And what comes after."**

"What do you want with me?"

" **I want you gone. You don't belong here."**

"Are you gonna kill me? Huh, figures I'd be working with my own killer."

" **Your death means nothing to me. Hahaha. You're not important. I just want you gone. You don't belong here. And also, I can't kill you. Not in a way I'd prefer."**

"Ho? Not that I'm a cakewalk, but why can't you kill me hm? Did you wanna kill me with embarrassment for some reason though? That why you made me wear all that stuff?"

" **I couldn't kill you then, because I had not yet an idea of how drastic change was. I can't kill you now because you have no idea how intertwined you've become here. Your fate doesn't belong here. And I have no clue how to deal with that."**

"... you didn't cover that girl's uniform thing."

" **Then, I could only keep an eye on a single male. Now I know you enough that you may discard your clothes."**

"So tell me why the hell should I trust you again?"

" **Because I've no interest in your death anymore. Both your presence and absence are equally troubling."**

"Right..."

" **And also I'm your best bet at getting back home. As one who is named Destiny, I believe you should fulfil yours wherever you came from."**

"Just cut the crap... you only want a pawn right?"

" **Every chessmaster needs a pawn. And Destiny is no different."**

"..."

" **I am your only way out."**

"Are you sure? I'm sure there's someon-"

" _Gin-chan! Come back you lazy idiot!"_

" _Gin-san... where are you? You didn't leave us right?"_

" _Oi, Gintoki! How could you abandon your Joi brothers! We still haven't played the UNO grandslam yet!"_

" _Hahaha Kintoki! I just might've sold the earth again! I got us some quality sake with all the cash! So come help me save the earth again? Ahahaha!"_

" _That no good bum, skipping out on rent again..."_

" _Gintoki-"_

" _Gin-san-"_

" _Shiroyasha-"_

" _Gintoki-"_

" _Gin-san-"_

" _Gin-san-"_

" _Gintoki-"_

" _Gin-chan-"_

" _Where are you... Gintoki?"_

" _..."_

" **Believe me now? They seem quite eager to see you."**

"..."

" **My recent breakthrough really. Read your code to get it."**

"... my  _what?"_

" **Unnecessary to explain, too long. So what do you say?"**

"What do you need?"

" **Heh, I'll stay in touch."**

"Hey wait!"

" **What?"**

"What about the girls? Do you know where they are?"

" **No clue, don't care, just ensure their safety. Those poor darlings. Later."**

"Hey I'm not done yet! Why did you lead me to them!"

" **..."**

"Oi."

"Hey..."

"Goddamnit... the hell did I get attached for."

* * *

I discarded the floss and admired my handiwork, looking at the man sprawled out on the floor, panting as if he'd just run a marathon.

The prophet... no really at this point he's just Taro.

"You guys are gonna ruin my gig," he said, sitting up and glaring at me.

"This a gig?" I said.

"Well  _duh,_ Takada-sensei doesn't just accept anyone into his drama group you know. He's got pretty high standards."

Buddy, you'd have no problems with that. But no matter that, "so you're saying this is all an act and you still have no clue where Sayori is," I said, my eyebrows becoming slanter.

"Uh, no? Why'd I bother with a fiend like you if I didn't have to?" Taro shook his head and jumped to his feet, "now give me your hand," he said, putting his own out.

"... you bathed right?"

He groaned and just took my hand, "hmm, now let's see," he turned to the wall. "I can read people's fortunes off this wall, discovered it when my former  _brothers_ -"

Captain Haru winced dramatically with a hand over his forehead and all, guy's got a good chance of being scouted out by Takada-sensei.

"-threw me in here for crushing on our Goddess," I frowned but didn't say anything, "from then on I read people's destiny here. Tell them where they lost their keys, the weather tomorrow, exam questio- I mean  _possible_  exam questions, ahaha," he winked at me and then waved at the wall again, his white eyes seemed to glow orange in the warm lustre of the candle light.

"At first I thought if I was going nuts you know," he peered at the wall, waving his hand, "seeing stuff on the wall like the general would lose his girlfriend if he didn't stop with his leadership, and other stuff like that," he shook his head, "thought I was going crazy until all the stuff I'd read on the day of my imprisonment came true," he glanced at me, "so I came back, after being freed."

Is he telling me his story? What am I, a background receptacle or something?

"So I started this gig you know, helping people out while also getting some acting recognition. Two birds, one stone."

I don't think people felt you were acting. But Takada-sensei would be hard-pressed to be unimpressed, he might even give you a standing ovation.

"I can see the futures of people, I can tell what's going to happen to them, but," he shook his head, his strands swinging from side to side, "there is one limitation. I can only read the fates of people within my presence. Take Haru for example," he leaned close and whispered into my ear, "he'll freak out in a few moments about a lizard that'll land on his face, and he'll run into the wall."

I frowned, "shouldn't we tell him?"

He frowned back, "why? He's scared of lizards."

"Aren't you guys friends?"

He gave me a flat stare, "he bagged me and dumped me here for a day, and stood guard while forcing me to play board games."

I chuckled and said, "hey that's funny actually. Hey, did you two play the game of life by any chance? 'cause you two sound like a couple just starting out their dating rituals."

Taro grumbled and cleared his throat, "ahem, like I was saying. So when I heard that the angels of our campus had gone missing I tried searching for them in the futures of the people who'd come to visit me. The shipper army also advertised me so that I'd get more people to come."

I looked at him, "so did you find anything," I said. With four weeks time he  _must_  have found something out! "Come on tell me!"

He shook his head, "no, nothing," my shoulders fell, "but I did find out one thing."

My shoulders rose again, "what?  _What?"_

I winced as he tightened his grip,  _"_ that none of us have  _any_ role in their retrieval or rescue or whatever it is that has befallen them," he spoke through gritted teeth. "None of our fates intertwines with theirs as far as I can see."

I blinked as I took that in. None of their fates intertwines with theirs? Does that mean... no. Ah  _hell_  no. But wait, he said as far as he can see... I can't jump to conclusions.

And also, why the hell should I believe this guy? "Why the hel-"

"-should I believe this guy, you'll say. And you just thought of the possibility of their demise and then chose to not be hasty. Your phone will buzz as I finish speaking. It'll be a message from a Sakata Gintoki, saying he'll be in the club in a few moments and that Saya and Yamamoto have left for home... Buzz."

My phone buzzed. Eyes wide, I extracted it and read the message.

'Hey Jackie, coming back in a few. Got my own clothes now so sorry you can't fantasise about me anymore ;). Jk. Anyway, Saya and Yamamoto left for the day. Told they'd be ready for action if anything shows up. Good kids. And also didn't want to say this before but, you should speak to Yamamoto sometime. Kid wanted to talk to you alone. So anyway, let's meet and try to cook up some ideas 'kay? Later kid.'

My hand slowly lowered and my still wide eyes looked at the Taro... no, the prophet. The Flossed Prophet.

He gave me a weird look, "you have strange friends."

I looked at Haru, still devastated over Taro's comment about treacherous brothers, and leaning against the wall with one hand and pounding his heart with his fist, while letting out soundless agonised cries of despair and reflecting tormented memories across his eyes. I looked back at Taro, "like you have room to talk."

But still, I- I don't think he's bullshitting me though. The prediction was too accurate. Hell he might've even known I was com-

My eyes widened once more, he knew I was coming! He was expecting me!

"Yes, I was."

"Then what was with all the spaghetti? If you knew I was coming?" I said.

Taro scratched his head, "ah, well I can only read the walls, so I didn't know it would've been you. And like I said, wrong playthrough."

"Wha-"

" _Ah,_ there we are," Taro left my hand and brought his hands close before expanding them as if enlarging something. "This... is odd, unusual even."

I looked between him and the wall, "what do you mean?"

He turned to me, "you laid your clutches on the Goddess since her childhood correct?"

I shrugged, "you could say that."

"Is she by any chance a fan of climbing rooftops and glaring down at the streets?"

I rubbed my neck, "not that I'm aware of. I hope not."

Taro looked back to Haru, "Captain, in the army's research of the Queen's background did you ever encounter any signs of a hero streak."

I scoffed, while Captain Haru paused in his acting audition, and frowned at Taro, "a what?"

"You know like doling out justice, saving people from bullies and perhaps running around at nights and saving old ladies."

The Captain's eyes looked up, as if recalling something. They came back down, "she occasionally helps out, but no. That doesn't sound like her."

Taro rubbed his forehead, "well then, this is confusing. Apparently, the demon has another girl in his life-"

The Captain hissed, "you  _fiend!"_

" _-_ and it appears that this one likes to dress up in tight leather costumes and glide over the city... as ridiculous as that sounds," Taro sighed and waved his hands, "and she's... oh my god, she's dishing out one liners like  _'you may escape the light of justice... but you shall fall victim to the shadow of vengeance!'"_

I facepalmed, embarrassed for this girl I apparently knew. Did I know anyone like that?

Taro waved his hand again, "oh and this one. ' _In the many worlds that you could have existed in, where you commit this blasphemy of truth... you are truly unfortunate to be born in the one where I exist.'_ Man this chick sure is wordy. Oh and a final one,  _'Won't the naive miscreant join me for some tea behind his bars?'_ "

The more Taro spoke about this chick in leather the more whole the painting in my mind became, blots of black became vivid with color. And this painting had similar qualities to another in my mind.

Tea? The warm scent which flew into my nose while I lay motionless.

Wordy? The collections of letters that soothed the sting of boredom during my rest.

Shadowy vengeance? A vivid imagination which didn't quail under others' opinions and made its voice heard whenever challenged.

... it can't be.

"Uh, hey. She wouldn't happen to have purple hair now would she?" I said.

Taro turned to me, "hm, looks like you recognise her then? And yes she does. Long flowing purple hair it says over here."

My eyebrows rose, "Are you sure? Because as far as I know she's more the quite and delicate type... most of the time... I guess."

Taro retreated further into the room. Pouring himself a glass of water he said, "I guess this is the other time then," he gulped the liquid and rubbed his mouth against his sleeve, "this is as far I can see for now. The rest remains hazy to me."

"What do you mean haz-"

"Undetermined fate. Why else do you think I do this? People can change and so can their future," Taro folded his hands, "anything can happen, best we can do is make use of what information we have."

"... so what you're saying is that I'm going to encounter this girl soon?"

He shook his head, "I'm only saying that your near futures intertwine. Maybe even because I just told you that they do," he then scratched his head, "ah, don't bother thinking too much about that kind of circular logic. But tell me, what's your hunch about what might happen to her? She's already pushing herself by the looks of it."

"... crap. She's biting more than she can chew?" I hit the wall with my fist, "someone must've put this idea into her head," I pursed my lips and turned back to Taro, "what about Sayori though? And also did you see any pink haired girl by any chance?"

The Captain spoke up, "didn't you hear him? The prophet can't see what's undetermined. So basically, only time will tell."

Taro nodded, "yes, only time will tell."

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed, "so you guys gonna help me or something? Dunno how I can do this on my own."

Taro shook his head, "we can't help you. Or rather, we don't help you."

"What?"

"I can see beyond the point of your future in others' futures, and in it none of us involve ourselves with you in this matter. You're on your own whether you like it or not," Taro shrugged, "it's up to you to decide whether this girl is worth your effort and time and whether it would assist in us finding our Goddess and Queen."

I glared at him, "this  _girl_  is your schoolmate you know."

His eyes widened, "really? But still, like I said. We do not involve ourselves with you, and doing so might ruin your chances of encountering this girl."

My lips thinned and I stopped my self from saying some unsavory words. I glanced at my watch, six o'clock. It'll be night soon, "say, does she only roam the streets at night or something?"

Taro nodded.

"I better get going then," I turned and made way for the stairs through which I'd come to this basement below the school. "Thanks I guess, and you better tell me if you find out anything more."

I heard the Captain's reply, "of course demon, so long as our objectives align."

I stopped before the railing and said, before I ascended the steps, "oh and also, keep an eye out for someone called Natsuki, something tells me that my future intertwines with hers as well."

Taro replied, "will do demon, will do."

I nodded in thanks and left the two to their devices. And despite the situation, a smile tugged at my lips. At last, some headway!

Those girls took care of me and kept me company when I was under, even if we'd only come together because of extraordinary circumstances. Now it's my turn to help them out with whatever's happening to them.

And help them I will.

But seriously though, becoming a vigilante? Yuri's got some major explaining to do.

I messaged Gintoki that I got important stuff to share and hurried up the final set of stairs, boy won't he be surprised.

As I turned the door leading out into the school proper, I heard a distinct high pitched voice echo from the depths of the basement.

"Ah! Lizard! Getitoff! Getitoff! Getitoff!"

And then a loud bang and the sound of someone falling.

I grinned.

Well Taro, color me a believer.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: The wronged prophet returns! And what effort he's putting into his actorly ambitions! Now if only Takada-sensei would notice his talent...
> 
> Have a great day peeps!
> 
> Ciao~


	20. Deleted Chapter: Clean the streets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama
> 
> Author's note: This is not a part of the story, I wrote it and then decided to scrap it 'cause I didn't think it'd fit in the story. But I still like how it came out so I'm posting it anyway 'cause I think it's pretty fun :). Oh and because I'd decided to scrap it, it's also kinda incomplete... ahahaha...

* * *

Nakajima Ryu was no a slouch when it came to pulling out all the stops. Like the time when he pulled out all the stop signs on the route to his local pub, stopping his bike incessantly just killed the mood and made the girl he'd ride with just get off and walk the way there. And she'd reach before him too... she'd also be hanging off some other guy by the time he got there.

He'd really expected his ingenious plan to work, he'd finally get a girl to the pub and get some action later, but noo some idiot just _had_ get himself into an accident and block the entire street. So no pub, no girl, no action. He'd grumbled under his breath and taken the fool to the hospital himself, like he had anything better to do after losing yet another potential girlfriend. What he didn't expect was the guy whom he saved to weakly grab his hand as he placed him on a hospital bed and swear fealty to him for saving his life. That guy, Nakajima later called him Firsty, became the first member of unwittingly formed Nakajima clan, his very own gang.

Nakajima had never really had many friends, at least not ones who weren't total assholes or bastards. So he'd taken that as a sign that helping people after you cause them problems was a good thing and was bound to make them your friends.

He made many enemies that way.

He'd tried to befriend the bullies in his school by running their heads into lockers and windows, humiliating them before their victims and then offering to help to the infirmary as they screamed and bled on the floor. Damn plan didn't work and all he got was a following of wusses who couldn't defend themselves and being banned from the weekly bully bulletin. That had stung, he'd always been a loyal fan since it inception. He wanted his tyrant tactics column damn it, not some bozos calling him big bro!

He'd tried to get into the whole drug dealing business, guys he knew made quite a bit of side money with all those packets. So he'd gone to the police with all the potential locations these transactions took place but was laughed off as some punk wanting attention. So he'd figured he had to befriend the police first. But how could he cause problems for them? Well dress up in uniform and go around beating up people of course.

One enthusiastic evening later, all the drug dealing streets were filled with bodies of shady men and women weeping on the floor, the police department became the juicy meat the media tore into, and he got a bunch of druggies' parents hugging and thanking him for being so brave. They then dumped their stupid kids in his care. Oh well, at least they can lead him to other drug dealing locations, maybe he'd make some connections over there.

The district's drug problem was solved over the week. And he'd gained more friends in the form of honest well meaning reporters who left their jobs, cutthroat honorable gangsters who detested the drug infestation in their city, and a whole load of former druggies who wanted a piece of him for depriving them. The druggies all asked him to give them some, so he gave them all he had. They never asked him for anything else after being discharged from the hospital.

Nakajima despaired, he'd wanted to be surrounded by cool people. By people who knew what they wanted in life and went around getting whatever that was. But no, like always, life liked to shit in his face. He had bunch of eager whimps who around him and took his word as the bros' edicts, some guys and gals who knew what all happened in the city like some kind of gossip queens, a few scar faced shogi playing muscle jacked old men, and a network of self help rejects who came to him for a beating whenever they got all cranky.

So no, he'd told himself. I can do better than this he'd told himself. He'd made this momentous decision while snatching the popcorn from Firsty as they sat in a theater watching a movie by that famous movie maker he called Glam Tooth, the man's teeth sparkled for god's sake.

One movie shoot crash later, the jail's gained one irate movie maker on charges of blackmailing his actors, the world gained the urban legend of a cross eyed teen who looked like a thug paroled but who had a heart of gold, the movie crew gave up their jobs and became content creators and the lead actress fell head over heels for him and quit her job to be with him. Nakajima found her advances annoying.

And one day he came home and realized that it wasn't his home anymore, like literally. He trudged the path from his school to his apartment, wondering which one of the wusses would do his homework today, those freakin nerds raided his damn fridge whenever they came by for their _study sessions,_ or during game nights, the least they could do was do his damn homework.

Now take this situation for example, what would you do if in the morning you left for school, dealing with annoying crushing ex-actresses making your heart shaped lunch aside, and then you spent a few days away busting into other schools beating up some interesting people, hoping to make friends, and then you get back home after a severe beatdown, the first you received in a while in fact, and you see where your apartment was supposed to be a two storied house instead.

You'd naturally be surprised and check with you quivering neighbors about what the fuck happened to your home? Did the freakin aliens steal it or something? The neighbor's little boy pokes his head from behind his father and informs you gleefully that it was demolished by this _biig_ wrecking ball and that these huge cars came and the whole street became noisy.

Your eyes would then widen and you roar, scaring the parents of said child to valiantly shield him from you. You run like a mad man, the wind rushing against your eyepatch and you kick the door to the two storied house open, ready to deal out heavenly, or hellish, retribution. You expect scared tenants and violent opposition. Not a bunch of people you recognize to looked surprised at your arrival and greet you with hugs, kisses and enthusiastic cheers.

Nakajima stared slack jawed at the assembled ex-bullieds, the beard stroking gangsters, the actress and the movie crew looking like they were in the middle of a shoot, the reporters clambering to tell you about the rumors of you in the city, and Firsty proudly welcoming you into the clan house. The Nakajima clan house.

The first clan-head of the Nakajima family took this in with wide eyed disbelief. Where the hell had he gone so wrong? He'd wanted to be surrounded by blade trotting, trigger happy, loose moralled people who ruled over their minions with an iron fist. Instead, he got a bunch of happy minions, a pining beauty of an actress, a production crew, some old men, and a mix of crazed and sane ex-druggies, all happy to see him and asking if today would be a good day for a picnic.

Nakajima's head swam and he fell backward, not caring that he'd hit his head. The sheer amount of uncool around him was too much for him to bear. He heard the gasps and yelps of the losers all scrambling to make sure he was okay, and winced. They hauled his body up on their shoulders despite his protests and left him in the master bedroom demanding that he rest up and that they'd have his favorite snack cooked in a jiffy.

The newly established clan-head scowled through all their attentions and lay on the bed staring at the ceiling after they left. When the hell did he lose his scary edge and become an affectionate dinosaur? And why the fuck hadn't Firsty warned him about this? He'll put him through the ringer before soon.

Nakajima palmed his eyes and groaned, he wasn't ready for this! He hadn't done anything to become a family head yet! He needed to rant, he needed to rant like five seconds ago, so he struck his head out of his room and yelled for his first follower. Firsty, eager to always please his boss, popped out of the rec room and jogged into Nakajima's room.

As soon as Firsty entered the room the eyepatched teen shut the door and and bared his teeth at the black haired, supremely average in appearance looking teen whom he now regarded as his first mistake. The green hood wearing teen however, looked back with a fanboyish beam as his boss pulled out his signature I'mma hurt you now deathglare # 42. This one had him looking both like a dog barely keeping from tearing into your flesh, and a confused lamb wondering why the devil it was wearing a suit and working in an office.

Firsty flashed him a sunny smile and began, "what can I do for you boss? Need some extra pillows?"

Nakajima's entire face twitched with barely suppressed bloodlust, "yeah Firsty, get me a damn glass of water will ya."

"Sure thing boss!" Firsty, to Nakajima's disgust, happily skipped to a desk beside the bed with a jug of water and two glasses on it. He dutiful minion filled the water to the brim and happily skipped back, spilling half the contents and presented the glass to his leader.

Nakajima wordlessly took the glass and stared at the contents, "so, Firsty. When were you planning on telling me that you'd demolished my entire apartment and establish a headquarters there," Nakajima splashed his face with the water, "if I had superpowers, this water would be steaming right now. That's how angry I am."

Firsty scratched his head, "ah, well, we all heard how your school gang got beat up by that other school's gang," Firsty scowled and gripped his fists, "and we were like, _wow_ big bro's school gang must recruit some real dumbasses right?"

Nakajima frowned as he plopped himself on the desk beside him. Who the hell was he calling dumbasses, those bastards managed to permanently injure one of his eyes for crying out loud. Now that's hardcore! Each and every one of these losers would faint at the first sight of blood.

Taking Nakajima sitting down as a cue, Firsty jumped backward and landed his rear on the bed, "yeah so we thought we already spend so much time together, like we like you _waay_ better than our own families in fact. Then Fumi-san said that you were like a grumpy dad to us all, and that idea kinda stuck."

Nakajima eyes widened, holy shit, _noo!_ What the hell was that actress bitch on!He wasn't a family man! He was not a huggable dinosaur!

"Oi, I'm not a dinosaur!" Nakajima said, holding up one shaking fist.

Firsty blinked, "Of course not boss-"

Nakajima smirked. Good, at least they knew he wasn't some kind song singing, love spreading extinct reptile.

"-you're more like an edgy teddy bear."

The glass in his hands shattered. Dear devil, it was _worse._ No he couldn't let this stand, he had to beat the living shit out of these people right now. He slowly stood up and made his way to Firsty and yanked him up by his collar.

A confused expression took over Firsty's face, "boss?" He said hanging by his shirt. His face flinched as Nakajima brought his hand up to deliver a jaw breaking punch to the imbecile.

... just like all the other times he'd punched people and ended up with more followers. Nakajima scrunched his face, this had to be a pattern. The more people he beat up the more fans he ended up having.

Wait a minute, this had be some kind of those equation thingies in math class. So let's see. He beats up people, he gets friends. That means violence equals to friendship. So the opposite must mean that if he showed others affection they'd stop bothering him! Nakajima smirked at his own brilliance. Who the hell said he couldn't be a mathitor or numerotician or something.

Still holding Firsty by his collar, Nakajima unfurled his fist and patted the guy's head. Firsty slowly opened his eyes, and then he looked in disbelief at Nakajima's hand still gently patting and messing up his hair.

Nakajima offered him a snort and gave him a rough smile, "let me guess you took care of organizing things while I was gone eh?"

Firstly nodded slowly, "y-yeah boss... uh, could you stop petting me?"

Nakajima did so, and put both hands on the bewildered guys' shoulders. He then said in a manly emotion choked whisper, "I'm _proud_ of you man. Love what you did with the place. Oh and I bet you told the other flat owners to sod off eh?"

With quivering lips, Firsty nodded, "yeah, the old guys struck out a deal with them and they happily vacated soon after."

Nakajima laughed and clapped Firsty's back, "hah! Good work man, good work! Hell if we'd met when we were younger I might even have called you my own blood brother!"

That was the last straw as Firsty burst into tears and ran into Nakajima's arms, wailing like the, in Nakajima's opinion, baby he was. "Boss!" he yelled as he sobbed into his shoulders, "thank you boss!"

Nakajima cackled. Yes! He so was a arithmagician! Just a few words of praise and this whimp's already in tears and begging for his mercy. Nakajima unconsciously tightened his grip around his minion in his elation, making said minion sob harder which in turn made Nakajima cackle louder.

Unbeknown to the him however, the door had swung open at the Firsty's wails and the whole clan peeked in. What was a scene of pure misunderstanding on parts of both parties, to them appeared as a heartwarming scene of love and friendship as family head and his best man laughed and cried together. They reaffirmed once again in their minds to serve this man until their final breath.

And so Nakajima went about the rest of the next two weeks spending time with his clan members and unwittingly inching closer and closer into their hearts. Personally, he smirked to himself. While they didn't seem to be backing off anytime soon they didn't push themselves in his face as much as they used to anymore. He thought he was winning.

The actual reason?

With Firsty, it was to stop depending on his boss so much and prove to him his worth.

With Fumi the actress and the movie crew, it was being becoming involved in other professional projects after they'd gained some recognition as an independent production house.

With the old men, ex-druggies, and ex-bullieds, it was becoming more involved with training and being trained respectively in the ways of the underworld. Someone had to guard their boss from rival gangs and they'd be _damned_ if they let them touch even a single hair on his body.

Nakajima was happily oblivious to this and the only extent to which he had connections to the underworld was as a captain in his school's gang. His own niche in the world of badass as he like to call it.

.

.

.

**_Aaand this is where I stopped writing and decided that this wouldn't fit in the story._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: While I don't think I'll add this into the story, if someone likes it and thinks it's funny I'll finish writing this chapter fully no matter if it doesn't become a part of the whole fic. Or I might just do it after a while and just update the chapter anyway I mean I kinda liked it and it was fun writing about a thug who becomes a kinda unsuspecting hero in a way. I mean it's interesting right :)
> 
> Anyway, sorry if you were disappointed that this wasn't a proper chapter update but I thought something was better than nothing so I went ahead and posted it.
> 
> Have a great day folks!
> 
> Ciao~


	21. Chapter 16: Thought creep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama

* * *

Thoughts... they creep.

* * *

June 21st

Dear diary,

I've decided to maintain a record of my daily activities as a form of a thought experiment. It is said that the person you are right now isn't the person you are a second later. By that then, right now, I'm not the same Yuri I was from the second I'd started this particular sentence.

I think that's just nonsense. In a practical sense and not in a philosophical one, what is the make up of a person? In the physical sense you do have all your atoms and tissues and what not, and yes you do lose those and replace them on a daily basis. But the mental aspect? Your core aspects don't really change now do they? Unless it is some kind of life changing revelation, I don't really believe people change.

Why else do people who are shy continue being reticent to social contact well into their lives? Or why do people who don't read always groan at the prospect of reading something, and hurry to find a different digital resource?

The mind is addicted to habit, and very few are daring enough to venture into unfamiliar thought spaces. I know I'm not at least. We desperately cling to our identity, and new perspective is always greeted with hostility or panic. Don't change the way I think, don't drag me into the dark bushes of confusion, my mind tells me. And I lash out and seek comfort in the familiar. A book readily finds itself in my hand.

This idea finds proof in history via the various religious figures, revolutionaries, people of artistic bent, and scientists who were persecuted and ridiculed for their initial proposals. It would always take a long time for society to come to accept them. And even when they do accept them it is only a select few influential groups which do so at first, before the ideas start trickling down the centers of power to the commonplace of public.

Where logic is the scaffold, this process would be considerably accelerated if scientific acceptance was higher than religious credence. But when the ideas are based on belief and seeming magic? Killings are a galore.

So, yes. I want to observe the extent to which I kill the thoughts which are unfamiliar to me. Or to the contrary, observe whether in the changes which take place- Are my core beliefs still intact? Have I fooled myself into thinking that a set of my actions do fall within my sentiments? Am I looking the other way? Where? Why?

Did anything manage to change the way I view the world?

For this to happen, I need to insert myself into an unfamiliar environment. The likes of which I do not entertain. So when I saw a poster hanging outside my classroom regarding a literature club I couldn't stop the grin from forming on my face. It couldn't have come within my sights at a more opportune time! I quickly jotted down the class where the gathering would occur and swiftly made way to introduce to them my interest in joining.

I say swift but am ashamed to say that I spent an inordinate amount of time standing outside the door twiddling my thumbs. Even the prospect of discussing with others my literary interests didn't shake off my reluctance to meet new people.

I did manage to get in however when a girl with a red bow in her hair introduced herself from behind me, scaring me for a second there, and dragged me inside the clubroom beaming happily and without even asking what I was standing there for, instantly assuming that I'd wanted to join. Quite presumptuous of her but to my advantage I guess, as I don't believe I'd have mustered the courage myself.

I stared at two more face as I'd entered, the smiling face of another girl with a white ribbon in her hair and a short pink haired girl sitting in a corner who hadn't bother lifting her head from her books. Must've been a really good book for her to be so engrossed in it (can't wait to trade books!).

So here I am. New environment, new faces, each face with its own view of the world. Will they change me? Or will I just be more comfortable expressing parts of myself I'd hidden otherwise from myself even?

It'll be interesting to see.

If any new schools of thought strike me.

* * *

You don't know when they creep up on you. By the time you realize, you're already knee deep in their waters.

And you don't know if you want to get to the shore.

Or go deeper and drown.

* * *

Badass blog entry#81

June 24th

Hey what's up homeboys! This your local number one blogger Nakajima Ryu with another update on the weekly boulevard brawls, the inter-gang assault statistics and the special event coming up next week! And for once all three are related this time! Cutting my work in half! Whoo!

So 'cause I'm busy prepping myself and my own gang I didn't bother much with the whole nitty gritty detail I usually give you bastards so here's extra short lowdown on the situation.

Ya probably already know that y'all are gearing up for a huge school wide takeover next week, but are probably confused as to why ya're doing that. Thing is, our leaders' have all been humiliated and it cost them their chance of going pro with the real deals from Kabukichou who'd come over to show 'em a few tricks. Ya know what happened to those guys? They got a freakin rocket to their faces they did!

And then a little girly goes around showing us evidence of who done it and while I'm sure it's just shit, I ain't saying no to a little fun. So grab your weapons boys! That little school is gonna get hit with a whirlwind!

Oh, and for the sports section this week. East city triad kings got the crap beaten outta them by the Puppy lovers tough men after one idiot threw a stone at the gang pups. It was thirty against the seventeen of them, but you know what they say about those puppy lovers, you hurt the pack and the pack puts a rod in your ass and hammers it in till it pops out your other end. The broken and beaten triad graciously offered up all their money to the tough men and the puppies happily bit into juicy steaks later that afternoon.

* * *

The whole world is out to convince you that you belong to their school of thought.

So it'll feed you these tidbits of facts, adverts, and fantasy, all in the flavor of what it needs you to be thinking.

God forbid you start thinking for yourself!

Thought creep... thought creep... the ultimate weapon.

Zero bloodshed.

Negligible resistance.

And jackpot if you actually start  _believing_ in their bullshit. That's when they know you truly belong to them.

Problem is... just takes a while for the magic to happen.

* * *

June 29th

Dear diary,

First entry after that terrible invasion. Felt too drained to write anything here.

Between Natsuki breaking her leg, Jack being hospitalized, having to console Sayori, and looking at the state of the school, I just couldn't find it in me to write anything here. But after making the inquiries I did today at the police station, I just had to write my thoughts somewhere before I end up bursting with anger.

Before I record that I just want to give my future self some context. Beginning with what reason we were given for the attack.

It was a stupid gang war between the delinquents of various schools. That was it. Apparently they'd all decided for some reason that my school at the perfect spot for a fight, by some lowlife triangulation of savagery and victim selection laws. What came of any of this? Pointless violence and needless suffering.

Why is it that it's always the bystanders who suffer the most in any altercation? Other than my friends many others were also injured and quite traumatized. And when I demanded one of the few arrested crooks why he'd selected my school for all the mayhem, he'd shrugged and told me that it was his boss's call. Probably 'cause one of the girls in our school rejected him once.

I had to get away from the there before I gave the incompetent officers any reason to arrest me as well.

And now, the unloading of my thoughts.

...

...hahaha. I wish there was a way to represent the way I'm cackling right now on paper. I mean it's just so funny right! Hahahahahaha. Ahahahaha. Teehee~ Lalalala...

...sigh. Reads imbecilic and childish at best, enough to wind me down to quiet chuckles. Anyway, funny! Right!

Isn't what just happened an instance of what humanity is always like? I hit you, you hit me, the one who hits better comes out smelling like roses. And the rest of us are given front row seats to the madness, consequences and consent notwithstanding.

Oh and the ones arrested are being released too, on account of some bogus reason of there not being enough evidence. You know what I think? Some politician's son or bribery. Isn't that how it always goes?

Why can't there be something like justice? Why can't there be a symbol which people can really believe in? Why can't I tell Natsuki that this was just a one time thing? Why do I see Gintoki scoff when I ask if there'll ever be end to such stupidity?

Why does reality make me want to deny it every second, and latch on to something else? Something as unbelievable as dragon-riders, heroes of humble birth, kings and queens, monsters and their hunters, hell even the occasional smut I read has better outcomes than what we're forced to deal with everyday.

Something, somewhere, went very very wrong when this world was created. And nobody seems to care enough to fix it. Those who do care are silenced very quickly.

Just where is the justice. I want to find it and drag it out in the open where people can pelt it for being so unfair... sigh, justice is unfair. Isn't that a conundrum.

Anyway, I'm getting tired and want to sleep. Thinking of reading out some books to Jack in the hospital tomorrow, an excuse to buy new books for myself as well. Hahaha.

I never thought I'd entertain the thought that someone in a coma would be able to hear me, let alone understand me. I sometimes think my head's a little too much in the clouds.

But hey, fantasy is better than anything else I've seen so far. So reading time with Yuri is a go! I just hope I don't embarrass myself.

* * *

The agents become mindless.

The channels became endless.

The system is their ace.

Let the thinking take place.

Humans think, it is their major occupation in life. You just have to feed them the right kind of thoughts and starve them of the unnecessary ones. They'll take care of the rest.

* * *

Badass blog entry#82

July 2nd

Hello shitheads, what's cooking? Nakajima Ryu here, sitting in his treehouse and nursing all the injuries he got from one wimpy before, but hardened later, guy at the special event! I mean seriously, my whole body's an amusement park of pain right now! And momma I don't wanna ride the rollercoaster...

Aka, ow.

But boy wasn't that one awesome battle! I had it all recorded too, will post it online later so look out for it! It's got romance, car sequences, blood filled fist fights and more. I'll kick your ass if you don't watch it, I know who y'all are and where ya live, perks of being a blogger ya know.

Also, just found out that the boy'd landed in a coma. Didn't expect him to be so weak, gotta be gentler next time, and maybe not get so carried away but damn that thrill still sends chills down my spine. And you know what? If he were a chick or something I might've even took off with him then and there for a date, chick's like that don't come often you know. Oh well, I'll just crack a beer bottle over his head and we'll share a drink. Boy's got my respect he does.

I wonder what he'll do if I told him I was just pretending to harass his girls... Eh, who cares? We got what we wanted even if I didn't bother with it. Not much of a believer in pride you know. You got shit to do? Well then go do it. Don't matter who gets in the way.

Oh and hey does anyone of you know anything about the Rice Field Orphanage in the outskirts? Place seems rundown like hell. Shoot me an email if ya do.

That's all for today. Can't do fieldwork with all these injuries so be grateful you bastards! I'm busting my ass just to type this 'cause I know you assholes love me so much.

Peace~

Or Piss off~

Whichever you like.

 **Edit:**  Hey what the fuck does an orphanage have to do with Kabukichou? Whoever you are you anonymous guy who commented below the post, send me more details. Now.

* * *

To think different publicly is punishable by death.

Privacy is fine. At least until they find a way to read your mind.

Oh and believe me, there's whole bunch of people interested in doing just that. Big people. People with the cash and the incentive to sell you.

* * *

July 7th

Dear diary,

Nothing much to write today. Went to school, finished a book, finished writing a poem during the break. Saya-san approached me today and apologized for all that had happened. What was I to do? I just smiled it and sent her away. Classes passed by as usual. Have a group project coming this week, made sure to poach the relatively less mooching members of the class as quickly as I could. Things are going back to their routine.

The club is also doing well. The girls are in better spirits now, partly because of our president trying to keep us engaged. Monika really is Miss Perfect I guess, always know what to say to get you to do what she wants. A bit forceful but she means well. Sayori's always helping her out whenever it comes to managing people though so she doesn't go overboard. They've formed a good dynamic actually, Monika's mostly the brains while Sayori's her spokesperson. If it weren't for Sayori's urging I'd never have started writing poetry.

If she put her mind to it I think she can even convince a chicken that it's an eagle. Just like how she made me consent to an open mic event during the upcoming cultural festival. Uugh, I don't want to recite poetry before a whole group of strangers! But then she went and held my hands, smiled sadly and said that she just wanted us to have fun, and that I didn't have to force myself.

... how do you expect someone to say no to that! I'd be a jerk to say no at that point. Damn you poorly developed social skills, damn you.

So three cheers for the great poet Yuri. Hip hip hooray.

And that brings me to today's hospital visit. I swear I saw Jack fidget when I mentioned reciting poetry to brainwash him. It'd have been so funny he'd truly been scared and was quivering. Ahaha, I feel evil now. There's just something about having a boy you might like shake in fear of what you might do to him.

Oh, I can't stop smiling and kicking my legs happily now. I fear that I might have acquired a crush. Can you blame me after the way he'd stood up for us? The amount of punishment he'd taken for us. Well, despite that he was the entire reason we got into that mess and that the number of days we interacted is less than one but still. I wonder if he'd be willing to cosplay as a knight? I blame Natsuki for putting that thought into my mind.

Oh! And I wonder if we could reenact the whole fight! The whole school's talking about how heroic it was, we might as well give them a good play! He can be the knight and I can be the... princess? Noo, I want to be the knight! Wait let's make Natsuki the... wait Natsukit, yeah Natsu-kit! Get it, summer kit! A baby fox spirit! Okay! Natsukit can be the injured fox spirit who's being chased by the vile kingdom of Gangsta(will give better name later) who wants to use her power for its own conquests. To rule all the land the sun shines on.

And I can be... the soul of the forest? No, no. A wandering mage? Hm, no. Natsuki's childhood friend? No, no, no. Wait, I got it! I'll be a Gangsta too! The one who sees what her homeland is doing and is horrified by it. I can be the soldier who's first at odds with both Natsukit and Sir Jack and then I'll switch sides, and the three of us together will fight off the horde of dead spirits summoned by the laughing one eyed necromancer of the royal Gangsta army.

Then in the end as Sir Jack lies injured and dying on the floor after defeating the entire horde and protecting us, Natsukit'll tell me that the only way to save him is with a kiss filled the magic of love aaannd I'll stop here before my imagination keeps me up the whole night. The blush is strong with me right now.

Ooh, I hope he doesn't read this. I'd be so embarrassed! I could include the others too. Monika can be a queen, Sayori can be Sir Jack's childhood friend who runs a inn in the business district, and Gintoki can be Sayori's father, a bum who either lounges around or does whatever his daughter tells him to do all the while complaining about his bossy child. But he's a retired soldier, one of the best in the kingdom's history and he's the person who taught Jack all he knows about fighting.

Okay, stop. Stop. I'll be up all night if I continue. Let's just finish what else happened today. After finishing my poem and ribbing my unconscious friend I packed my stuff up and bid him farewell. I plan to visit him again sometime next week.

I met Monika outside the hospital as I exited. She seemed unusually happy for some reason and skipped her way inside the building. I tried to catch her attention but she'd already passed me by before I'd realized that it was her. Probably there to visit Jack I suppose. I hope she doesn't expect him to crank out a poem as well on grounds of being a club member... that'd just be cruel.

Then I reached home, heated up some dinner for myself before finishing up some homework. I'll have to start on the project work soon, will probably research more tomorrow. So lights out for me, need to recharge my batteries.

* * *

Your actions define your thoughts. Huh?

Your thoughts define your actions. What?

You shape your own reality. The hell?

...who has the time to come up with such crap? Just watch the television and roll with the trends.

Path of least resistance man.

* * *

Badass blog entry#85

July 20th

I think I just made a  _huge_  mistake. Seriously the fuck are kids so needy for. Oi, any of you shitheads got any tips on how to cook for swarm of hungry mouths who throw all you give them at your face, and then start crying? I mean come on, I gave you food what more do you want? Oh, you want me to pick you up and sing you a lullaby? Fuck that! What am I, your nanny?

Bro tip guys, do not make kids. They. are. hell. Or at least stop at one. Gah, I can't take anymore more hugs and kisses. Stop asking me you little brats! Fuckin hell. And no, I am not gonna put a bandage on your boo boo, take it like a fuckin man! Geez people raise their kids like glass these days.

Oh, and also I'm broke. Gambled all my money away trusting a backstabbing asshole who I have an appointment with this afternoon. Guy's offered to feed my entire house for the next month or two. He just doesn't know it yet. Great guy, very generous with his money.

Another thing, do not leave kids alone with water. They can set it on fire. Screw scientists, kids are the ones this country needs to be throwing their money at! Oh and the other day they took a bunch of my knives, my yo-yos and some rubber bands, a motor and you know what they did? Yo-yo knifes! They made freaking yo-yo knives! How cool is that shit! Now I can skewer people, retract the knives with the motor, and skewer some  _more_ people. God I was so proud of the little critters that I bought them all their very own switchblades! Gotta teach them some tricks before they start surgery on themselves.

Aah, I hate this warm feeling in my chest. Needed to punch a hundred guys to feel manly again. Good thing I ain't a softass law abiding citizen eh? After all I just abducted a bunch of kids. Though is it really abduction if they were the ones that followed me? Imagine my surprise when I'd woken up next to some twenty kids sleeping on me, clutching my hands and legs for god's sake, after my midnight stroll into their prison.

And for crying out loud don't call me Nakajama-nii with those round eyes you little brats! Stop making me your bitch! I gotta comb your hair, gotta play ball with you, get into your rocket ship, tea party together with my fuckin gang, need to take you to the park, gotta throw rice at some birds... man, I wanna throw these guys out but I keep wussing out every time. But then I think of their parents and feel like greedily grabbing these brats close to myself and giving the world the finger. You don't want these guys then fine! I'll keep 'em!

Not that they were much parents to begin with. Selling them out as collateral. Rice Field Orphanage? More like a security guarantee for crime bosses to extort business owners of their money. Oh very nice scheme too, give the business owners some good cash, and only ask them to send their kids to this fun and happy place where they will be taken care of by scar ridden matrons with faces uglier than a horse's. Good, steady, cash flow.

Shit man, this is some messed up shit. Don't know if they were forcibly taken or not but I don't care. And I thought  _I_ was crazy. Makes me just want to wear a mask and go busting up their shops and run them out of busi... mwhahaha! Oh I love writing my thoughts down! Gives me so many great ideas! Like that last sentence, I had an idea!

And maybe this'll attract that girl too! And I can rip off her mask and get some cash from the authorities to repay my loan! Oh I'll figure something out. He he he. Man I'm a genius. Look out world here comes... on second thought I probably shouldn't tell you my to-be secret identity. Don't trust ya fuckers as far as I can throw ya, just like the gangster creed eh?

If you ever see the logo of sideways crab on the banner or poster of any shop or business place you visit, don't give them your money. I'm sure you're smart enough that I don't have to spell it out why. And let me know if you see any orphanages or nursing homes or shit like that related to this.

And like I said, I'm short on cash and I can bleed my minions dry only so much before they start starving too. And bullying wimps for lunch money isn't working out.

The only way I'm able to feed these little guys is through the kind donations (read: mwhaha!) of the various schools my gang frequents during lunch time. The guys come out with lunchboxes filled with stomach saters. Buut I think the schools catching onto us and are starting to ramp up the security.

Soo, donations! All you fuckers out there who're reading this can kindly donate some of you monies to this poor gang of single dads (aw fuck I can't believe I just wrote that) so that you can fill the lives of some poor kids with happiness.

Oh and don't think I'm ripping you off! The more you give, the more content I give ya back.

Ten bucks - A thank you card from the kiddies with smileys and all drawn on it

Twenty bucks - Photos of the kiddies playing in the park, in their new clothes which I'll buy for them.

Thirty bucks - Hell we'll visit your house, and you and your girlfriend (I know my demographic y'all) can get mauled by the little shits.

Forty and above - ...adopt me you cash loaded fucker. I'll make you an honorary member of my gang yo. Your problems are my problems.

Now don't whine and gimme that cash! I even set up a whole PayBuddy account.

Also, send me some pics of your favorite masked hero/villain. I need me some inspiration.

But no make up. I'm a dude, I ain't wearing no makeup.

* * *

But then again, no body has a monopoly of all the notions floating in the air.

Take biology for instance, it happily coexists with all he other ideas floating around.

Ever wonder why baby animals look so cute?

* * *

July 22nd

Dear diary,

I believe masks unmask veils of a stranger kind.

This feels liberating, empowering. Fascinating.

And grappling hooks are... fun.

Evil beware.

I have knives.

* * *

Ideas are funny things aren't they?

Given the right incentive and conditions, even a mouse can kill a tiger. Or a hyena can raise some lambs.

Or at least the metaphorical ones can.

Hey don't think too hard.

'Tis just after all,

An idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hey y'all, hope you liked the chapter.
> 
> Have a great day peeps.
> 
> Ciao~


	22. Chapter 17: Gangsters anonymous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

The night finds in it a spirit, a certain bent, a certain thrall to commit ill. It matters not to this spirit if there is light even when the curtains are closed, it hangs over every creature and brings it under its influence. No one's watching you, the darkness suggests, entertain your vilest intentions, enforce upon others your cruelest desires.

Private is your midnight soiree, even the watchful sun looks away, so why not let loose, thought one human long ago. The only eyes open are the small lights in the sky, and they can do nothing to me, so why not let loose and be cruel.

I have need of that man's woman, I have need of that woman's man, I have need of that family's meal, I have need of my people's worship, I have so many many needs.

So, thought he and she, I shall satisfy them in the night. When even the sun shies away from the sky, and the moon conspires with me, looking full upon my actions and then turning the other way. Coming and going, coming and going, an uncaring spectator of the land, complicit through its detachment.

The hands strikes, blood is let, and the will is enforced. The tears of the victims are shed, and the laughs of the victor echo in that realm of depravity where exist, for that instance, just the two parties of the assailant and the assailed.

Well, at least until the Nightwitch came to town.

* * *

"Now, is everyone settled down? Good. Now let's begin." said a man with slicked hair and a notepad in his hand. The room was a bar, with muscled men seated in a chair all facing toward the slick haired speaker. Most of these men had various sorts of injuries on them, casts, bandages, gauze, you name it.

The speaker cleared his throat and began. "Welcome one and all to yet another meeting of the Gangsters Anonymous where each of us shares their story and supports our fellow members through their trying times. Before we begin I'd just like to thank the Blue Crab corporation for sponsoring our meetings," the speaker nodded at a man in a business suit sitting to the far right, "truly this wouldn't have been possible without you guys."

The gathered men all made sounds of approval and grunted their thanks while the Blue Crab representative smiled and nodded, "think nothing of it. It is in our interest to properly see to the physical and mental needs of our contractors. So please Doctor, do go on. I find these meeting highly therapeutic."

One attendee frowned and said, "What? We're the ones here for the sessions."

The representative chuckled. "Oh, yes yes. Let's just say your well being gives me more confidence in the success of our operations. Anyway please begin."

The Doctor nodded. "Yes, now before we begin I'd like our new members to introduce themselves and share their story if they want to. And remember there's no pressure to tell us if you don't want to. What matters is that you're here and are willing to face your problems."

A few members teared up and covered their eyes. Their neighbors patted their backs in support as emotion choked them. One particular neighbor was a bit too enthusiastic in his pat and slammed the man he was trying to comfort out of his chair, banging his forehead into the barcounter beside him. The man fell down out cold with his mouth open. "Ehehehe, whoops?" said the harmful helper rubbed the back of his head.

"... ignoring that," the Doctor said, "let's continue. Any volunteers?" The hand of a shaggy haired man went up. "Wonderful, the stage is yours my friend."

The shaggy haired man got up and walked over to the Doctor and faced the gathered gangsters.

He stared at them.

"...err."

He kept staring at them, his eyes moving from face to face.

"Aaah... uhhh..., wow many people here huh?" There were just twenty.

The Doctor prompted him from behind, "why don't you begin with your name."

The man jumped a bit at the Doctor's voice and then caught himself. He blinked and nodded, "Aa, yeah, me name... uhh. Haha, not used to group speaking. Anyway, don't want to be giving me yuhh, real name here, so you can call me Barks."

... Another awkward silence.

Before one member broke it.

"Hey Barks, how'd you get that name man? You bite a dog or something?" said one member, the very one who'd KOed his poor neighbor. The assembled members shared a look and snickered.

Barks glowered, "oi, don't... don't diss my name okay? My boss gave it to me after this particular loading job. If it weren't for my loud voice the coppers would've put the cuffs on us that day."

"Cool boy, cool. Barks it is then," said the heckler, grinning. "So does your boss give you biscuits when you don't  _bork_  the job. Eh? Eh?" The assembled snickering turned rowdy, and one man whistled and said,  _"come here boy, come here Barky who's a good boy. Who's the widdle good boy"._

Barks' began gritting his teeth and his eye started twitching. "I'm warning you kid..."

The heckler sat up eagerly, "oh oh, come on doggy, bork. Bork for us mate." The other members started mock barking at Barks. "Hey are you gonna let that stand Barks? Come on, show these doggies how it's done."

The man known as Barks let it rip. The whole room shook.

" **Listen her' ya friggin loose mouthed varmin, I get my paws on you tiny throat and you'll choke till I see yer face turn blue. Then I'll put a loaded pistol into friggin air hole and blast your brains on the wall. With a spoon I'll scoop out your brain, bake a meat pie with it and make your family eat it.** _ **As**_ **their friggin dessert.** "

Everyone stared at Barks with wide eyes and slack jaws, as he panted in anger. It was a moment of silence before the heckler shook his head. With a wide grin he started clapping, "wow. You got the bark  _and_  the bite. Man my teeth are clattering here dude, good  _job_." The remaining members also joined in the applause, and soon, Barks' glare faded and a lopsided grin took residence on his face.

The Doctor cleared his throat and smiled, "ah good, friendly banter is always helpful to shake off the stage fright." He turned to the heckler, "Calculated move I suppose, Mister...?"

The heckler grinned back, "just call me the One-eyed-stabber."

Barks snorted, "you a pirate or something kid? Look more like a cargo boy to me,  _Stabby_. Or are ya compensating for something down south?"

"Oi, that's my pet's name," said One-eyed-stabber, but his protest went unheard over the other members enthusiastically shouting 'Oh burn!' and its various other equivalents such as 'Oh snap!', 'Oh damn!' or even the ancient 'Hot dang boy!'

Barks basked in the heat of the burn he thought he'd inflicted and his chest swelled with manly pride that his was longer than his.

One-eye scratched his head, "eh whatever, just get on with it Barks. We ain't got all night you know."

Barks waited for his audience to calm down and said, "right, now no interruption from you okay? I didn't want to live through it again but the Doc said that talking helps ya."

The Doctor nodded.

"So I'll tell you boys of the night during the job when I met that rotten bitch," a shiver went through Barks' face, "the day I saw first hand that blade throwing crazy woman everyone's calling-"

He winced.

"-the Nightwitch."

* * *

It was just another day and another night. The latest shipment had come and like always we boys were ordered to load the stuff and take it to the warehouse.

It was at around eleven pm that we'd arrived at the docks. And half an hour later we heard the ship's horn, it was closing the gap to the yard and we got ready to receive her.

There was about twelve of us, all there just to receive the goods, and we'd come in different vehicles and from different routes so that the coppers don't get a whiff of us. It was six of us in the truck, and three each in two large jeeps. I was one of the gunners meant to keep watch while the loading happened.

"Can't help us lift these shitty things can ya Barks?" said the driver of my jeep as he heaved on of the boxes marked for us onto our jeep. "Became too self important didn't ya, what with all ya gun totting and shit." He shook his head at me as he went passed me and went to grab another box.

I scowled at Driver, it wasn't my fault that I'd done better than him and earned favor in the family. And with what him and me being from the same town, we'd known each other from a long time. So I knew there would be some resentment there, despite the friendship we first shared over our same birthplace.

Following him to the ship's cargo I said, "look here Driver," let's just call him Driver to avoid confusion. "Look here Driver, do this job right and the boss'll be happy with all of us. And besides why'dya think he gave you the jeep?"

Driver shot a glance at me as he crouched before the boxes, " 'cause you'd forget which the brakes and the gas were, and probably drive us into the ocean?"

"Hey. That was just a lake and I got the car out didn't I,"  _that bastard,_  I thought as I glared at his shaking back. He  _knows_  I can't drive unless I'm drunk. I don't get why people do otherwise, don't they know that they're getting into metallic boxes travelling at insane speeds? With  _other_ people also driving like maniacs.

I can't face something like that unless I'm sloshed.

The Driver found his box and hefted it into his hands, passing me by he shot me a smirk. "Don't take it too hard Barks, just ribbing ya," he said. He went on towards the jeep letting out a few chuckles, which I'm damn sure were at my expense.

I just hoped his greedy dreams won't make him turn on me someday. You can never be sure in this business. Putting that off my mind I went over to the sailor leaning against the railing with a clipboard in his hands. A tall dome headed man, the leader of this op, stood next to him.

"Everything going okay leader?" I said, feeling the tension between those two. Leader saw me and looked back at the sailor, he gave him that grin you give when you know you're gonna slide a knife into them.

"Ah, now see that in his hands now my good man? It's what we call a barrel of negotiation and peace keeping around these parts," Leader said in his quiet voice, that voice which you strain your ears to hear at all costs if you didn't want to find yourself bleeding on the floor later.

He then pulled his own gun out from his holster and aimed it at the glaring sailor, "now I'm know you'll say that you got one too, but thing is we got two trained on you," he glanced at me and I too held the gun at the sailor. The Leader continued, "good. Now let's try this again. Give up the man who dared open one of our shipments. I just want to have a chat with him that's all."

The sailor's eyes focused on the tip of the gun in his face, "Chat with your negotiation barrel? I'd just be sending him to his death," the Leader's smile soured at this, "and what's the big problem? Did he pilfer any of your stuff? No, boy just opened it by accident."

Leader dug the barrel into the sailor's cheek, "I don't think you understand your-"

Something splashed in the water.

"-position... did you hear that?" Leader said, his eyes darting side to side.

"Hear what?"

"I did boss."

The sailor and I said at once, and were glared at by the leader and shushed.

"Listen," he said and stepped closer to the waters.

I stood still for a moment before I'd heard it too, something was splashing. I fetched out my flashlight and shone it on the ocean, I couldn't believe what I saw. The sailor beside me gasped and my Leader growled and ran into the ship.

Life buoys with men strapped to life jackets floated on the waters, they kicked their legs frantically trying to get away from the ship as fast as possible. "What the hell happened," the sailor said as he helped up one of his men who'd reached the ledge.

"S-Someone aboard ship," he said through clattering teeth, "t-throwing crew a-aboard tying them to buoys." His entire body shivered and he hugged himself, "t-they're setting fire to the cargo, captain. W-we gotta get outta here."

My eyes widened and I ran into the ship. The Leader had rushed inside and I couldn't let him burn himself. I heard gunfire and the sounds of metal hitting metal as I made my way to the poop deck. Ducking behind a corner, I leaned out and saw Leader on the other end screaming his lungs out as he unloaded bullet after bullet towards the cabins.

"Barks! Cover me, gotta reload," he said as he hid behind the wall. I burst outta my hiding spot and started firing blindly into the cabins. I stopped after a few rounds. Confused.

There was no one there.

My eyes darted around in the darkness, I couldn't see anyone there. Leader then screamed at me, "look up you daft idiot."

I did. And what I saw spooked the shit outta me. Hanging to cabin roof, crouched upside down, and staring at me with these horrifying glowing eyes was a woman. I was already scared of women as it is, what with my ex-wife almost killing me, but this one looked like she could do that a come hither flick with her fingers and your life would be hers for the taking.

My soul had no intention of leaving its home, so I opened fire at her. Screaming like in those action movies where they think yelling helps make your shots more lethal, I tried to riddle her with bullets.

But how do you shoot a moving shadow?

She swept across the ceiling like a trail of black, moving to the left and dodging to the right. The bullets would only dent the ship but would not even touch her, it was as if she weren't even there and I was just shooting the roof for a bit of evening fun. The glare of her eyes though, it never stopped. Even though I was the one forcing her to move, I had to brace my feet so that I didn't step back.

"Stop moving and just die," I said over the sound of my rounds. She paid no attention to what I said, and continued her tango with the bullets. She'd tiptoe away from the leading bullet, hop towards another as it passed between her body and the roof, and then pirouette around a hail of lead as it dented everything, every inch surrounding her. The roof became the canvas of an art piece drawn with slugs. And she was the the living brush directing them.

My Leader soon joined me in firing at her but it still wasn't of any use. A knife then flashed through the air and pierced through the firing hole of my gun and cleaved its way till the chamber. My mouth dropped open.

The knife's handle beeped and exploded, shattering my gun and knocking me off my feet. I rolled all the way to the edge of the ship and slammed against the railing. "Gah," I said when I hit it.

"Goddamn it," Leader said, "Barks, get up quick. Hold something," he said. I heard his command and knew I had to stand up fast. I just knew he'd do something crazy. I could've used the railing to pull myself up but my hands were bleeding from what'd just happened. So I just used my knees and feet.

"Hey bitch," the Leader said. His voice again quiet and mocking. I gulped, I'd better get a running start I thought. "Eat shrapnel," he said, grinning.

The lunatic then tossed a bloody grenade at her.

I choked in panic and I latched onto the railing like a leech. I swear I could see her eyes widen at the shell there for a second, before a wire shot out of her hand and pulled her away deeper into the cabins, and away from the deck.

The grenade burst. And confetti popped outta it.

The Leader burst out laughing and he ran to the door and sealed it shut. He snatched a remote from his pants and grinned, "stupid whore." He pressed a button on the remote.

The entire back of the ship detonated. It's chimney blew clean off and flew into the air. My ears rang like hell and after a few seconds when I could hear again I realized that I was screaming. The bloody fucking asshole was clutching a handle on the wall and laughing and banging the wall with his fists. The detonated area had become a flaming inferno, it was hot enough to make my blood steam from where I stood.

He could've fucking warned me that the ship was rigged with explosives. What if I'd set one off while shooting? Then all of us would've been shark food.

Then a glass shattered from within the flames. It shut Leader's laugh up. He glared into the fire. "Barks," he said, "get your ass up and get the vehicles ready."

I frowned at him like an idiot, "you don't think she's still alive do yo-"

Metal screeched and a series of blasts blew something up. And a figure shot into the night sky, right from where the chimney was, with flames licking its boots as if they emerged from its feet.

I stared in disbelief. She'd lived.

It was like she were floating in the air. Her glowing eyes were shaded orange like a demon's, and her arms were spread out along with the cape she wore. The inferno burned beneath her.

Her hair blew along with the harsh winds, which added to her look of seeming like a wronged deity. And I'd decided then and there.

This woman was going to be a  _lot_  of trouble.

She landed near the life boats far to our left, and collapsed on the floor, panting hard as her chest heaved. She glared at us from her spot and started throwing knives at us.

Leader shoved me out of the way and the two of us fell down, the knives slicing the air above us. As I thanked him, I saw the remote once again in his hands. He nodded at me with a grin and said, "go."

I didn't need any more motivation as I ran like hell away from there and jumped down from the deck to the cargo hold. Another explosion rocked the ship during my jump and it threw my balance off, making me hit the ground on my knees when I landed. I screamed like a bitch.

And I lived up to my name by summoning everyone of the boys there by the sheer strength of my vocal cords.

"The hell is happening up there?" Driver asked as he hauled me up.

"Did you load everything up?" I said, pushing him off and stumbling before I caught myself. "We gotta get outta here." The hull of the ship blew up and I heard the sound of water rushing into it. "Get moving!"

They didn't need anymore motivation as they scrambled to their respective vehicles. I got into my jeep along with Driver and yelled over the radio for them to hit the gas.

"Hey, what about Leader?" Driver said as the other vehicles sped away, "we ain't leaving him here are we?"

I didn't have to answer him as the man came running out of the sinking ship, the remote still in his hand. He kept pressing the buttons every few steps, triggering a fresh explosion in the ship. "Get a move on," he said, sliding into the jeep.

Driver slammed the accelerator and we dashed away from the waters, leaving behind the burning vessel. "Did ya get her?" I asked him as he didn't stop pressing the buttons yet.

"What? Nah, she jumped off," he said, without turning his head. "Oi, driver get to our truck. And tell the other guys to use the same route. The bitch'll be there I'm sure of it."

Driver nodded as we entered the highway, he then spun the wheel hard to the right making a u-turn and disrupting the traffic, causing the other drivers to hurl insults at us. He picked up the radio and started relaying Leader's instructions.

I stared at the remote in Leader's hands, still being pressed and still triggering audible explosions. "Uh, so why're you still pressing that thing?"

He glanced at me and then threw the device out of the window. "Stress relief," he said.

The truck then came within our sights and our radio flared to life.

"Leader! Your roof! Someone's standing on your car's roof."

Leader kicked the door open and drew himself out with his legs bracing against the seat and his arms clutching the safety handle.

"Bitch," he drew his firearm, "Why. don't. you. just. die!" Each word was punctuated with a shot towards where she supposedly was.

The roof clanged with foot steps, the woman ran across the windshield, the hood and leaped some two hundred feet in front of the jeep.

"Run the bitch down," Leader said, sliding back inside.

I wish I could say what happened next, but all I remember is her crouching low with some gizmo in her hands, Leader hollering at Driver to slam the breaks, and me holding onto the seat-belt for dear life.

But when I'd come to, it was with her standing over me and looking down at me with a glare. My body ached like hell and was pinned down by her knives.

She then smiled at me and said,

"At the end, the wretches become wee little men. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide."

My blood chilled as she started laughing and shaking her head, while scraping two knives in her hand as if she were waiting to bite into a juicy steak.

This woman, her head was not on straight.

But before I could move a single muscle-

"Lights out, villain."

She kicked my face in.

* * *

Barks stared at his feet. "I'll never forget that face of hers. Can't forget. Sends shivers down my spine every time I see a dark alleyway. Wondering whens she gonna drop out of the sky."

He sighed and rubbed his forehead, "it's right what they call her. She's a damn witch alright. How do you escape something like a exploding ship? Or how do you flip a jeep? That's what I was told she did."

One-eyed-stabber rubbed his chin and said, "hm, so how'd you get outta jail so quick? Why were you let out so quick if what you'd done was smuggling."

Barks threw an annoyed glare at him, "you new around here kid? The coppers are our own. They make it look good and then you're free to do the next job. Is what happens when you work for the big leagues."

"Interesting... thanks for the info pops. I swear no one ever tells me  _anything!_ " One-eyed-stabber laughed.

The Doctor glanced at his watch and nodded at the Blue Crab representative. The both of them stood up.

"Now gentlemen, I'll be in the back room for a few seconds. Something's come up. Please continue, I'll join in a while," he smiled at them. "But first, Mr. Barks. Tell me, did speaking help? Do you think you'll be able to put it behind you now?"

Barks rubbed the back of his head, "I dunno doc. She still gives me the creeps. I actually feel lucky the cops showed up when they did. I really thought she would cut me up and eat me or something."

The Doctor nodded and made notes in his notepad, "we'll see if I can help you further, Mr. Barks. And let me tell you, you've been pretty brave sharing this story with us. I simply can't express how helpful you've been in furthering my character study."

"Uh, sure? Well, you're welcome I guess," Barks said, looking away. He turned back towards the crowd when they began asking him more questions.

The Doctor and the Blue Crab representative then moved into a room behind the bar, shutting the door behind them. Monitors hung on the wall opposite to the door. They displayed the various rooms of the building they were in.

"So, what do you think?" said the representative. He pressed a button beside the door and steel shutters slammed down all the doors and windows, sealing the room shut.

"Hard to say, Ao-sama. What should I think?" The Doctor sat down before the monitors. "So far what I've determined is that the common thug cannot deal with this  _vigilante_."

The other man scoffed and brought out a cigar from his shirt pocket. "Even I could tell you that. Don't need to create psyche profiles for that." He lit the cigar and put it in his mouth, "what I want to know is, how do we stop her from screwing with my family, my goddamn business."

The monitors then flashed and the lights in all the displayed rooms went out. The Doctor chuckled, "looks like our little night fairy's arrived."

Ao scowled and dropped into a chair beside the Doctor. "Is this necessary? I said I wanted you to fix my problem, not invite it to my doorstep."

On the monitors the gangsters were all on their feet and looking around in a panic.

"Ah, but don't they say that observation is the mother of discovery?" The Doctor said, scribbling away in his notebook. "And anyway most of them are useless against her. I've heard their stories and done some tests on them. They'll hesitate and mess up any operation you send them on if they encounter her. Just look at the screen, my man."

A figure had dropped to the center of the bar room and was looking around. Nobody moved a muscle, but their muscles moved on their own and shivered.

The figure then flicked her wrists and two knives appeared in them. She smiled and her voice echoed in the room.

" _I see that we are not unfamiliar... well, let's get reacquainted shall we, friends."_

What followed was a dance of blades and the horrified screams of those trapped in the room with her.

They tried to open the doors, windows and even tried breaking the walls.

Some of them ran into the restroom, while others tried to fight back.

But all were pinned down by the blades of the witch.

" _Yes. This is just how I remember our first rendezvous. Screams, tears, and-"_

She threw a pellet at the ceiling, which exploded and frightened the group near it. They fell to the the ground and backed away from the site of explosion, inching away via their behinds and their feet and pushed against the wall. They were yelling themselves hoarse.

" _\- and explosives. How delightful."_

The Doctor and Ao watched all the gangsters being beat down one by one. Ao blew smoke out, "this better be worth it Doctor."

The Doctor stared transfixed at her every move. "Oh yes, don't worry." He chuckled. "My goodness, what ferocity she displays."

She knocked down even those who weren't putting up a fight.

"Merciless too it would appear," the Doctor said. He turned to Ao, "I'll have to study the recording in more detail later but I can tell you one thing."

Ao raised an eyebrow, "what?"

The Doctor looked back at the screens and beamed.

"She's quite an obsessive lady it would seem," he said. He ran a hand through his hair and roughed it up. Making his bangs fall over his eyes. When he spoke, his voice came out much more gravelly and rough.

"It will be fun to break her."

Ao blew out another puff of smoke. "really? And let me guess, I'm gonna be lending you my men and my money."

The Doctor laughed. "Of course my good man. I'm just a lowly psychiatrist."

Ao scoffed.

"Lowly, my ass."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note:- Hope you enjoyed the chapter.
> 
> Have a great day peeps.
> 
> photoGNIK signing out.
> 
> Ciao~


	23. Chapter 18: Midnight mischief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doki Doki Literature club or Gintama.

* * *

"Upon my word, I am an honest man, and if say you drop me, I'll drop  _you,"_ said the One-eyed-stabber, grinning at the glare boring into his eyes.

A glare which shone from two eyes glowing in the dark. The mask covered the face of a woman, whose long purple hair fell down her back. She growled at his words and jerked his body which she held by the collar.

"Why did you say it?" she said, lowering him backwards. The One-eyed-stabber's one eye widened and he started flailing his hands.

"H-Hey! No need to be hasty now!" The night life of the streets loomed below him. "You don't need to prove you're a badass! I already know you both are and  _have_  a bad ass!" He chuckled the chuckle of a man who knew that the only thing between him and imminent death, was a woman.

So he responded in the way only a man who looked up top tips to ask out women would respond, "I've already fallen for you babe, don't need to fall anymore you know," he glanced below, "I'd probably die if I do." The honks of the traffic, forty stories below him, agreed.

She lowered him even more. He squawked and tried to clutch onto her arm. "Hey come on, I was just complimenting you. You're drop dead gorgeous. Honest!" Always sweet talk a woman, you can never go wrong with that, the internet taught him. Despite it never working in the history of ever.

"I'll drop  _you_ dead if you don't start talking." She shook his dangling body again.

"... you think I'm gorgeous? Aw, shucks." The stabber looked away with an embarrassed grin. "Hey I know this place with kickass sushi. Wanna go for a bi-"

She left him.

The stabber screamed. His foot left the ledge, his arms wildly tried to grab for her, he felt the rush of air against his body. Holy crap he was gonna d-

She caught him again.

The stabber panted, greedily taking in gulps of air. He looked at her and saw the still angry glower of the masked woman. He patted his heart, telling it to stop being a frightened pant pisser and let him think straight. Well, so compliments didn't work. Looks like he'd have to do what his role model did in this very situation. He cleared his throat and spoke weakly while reaching an arm out for her.

"Save... Martha..." he coughed for effect, "gotta...save...'er"

The Nightwitch's glowing eyes blinked at him. "What are y-... Oh my god..."

The stabber thought he saw her smacking her head. Yes! She's overcome with grief! Now to play to her heart.

"You must... save Martha. My mom's name... is Martha too," the stabber grinned weakly, "what a coincidence right? Let's be fri-"

"My mother is not a Martha," said the Nightwitch, in a deadpan voice.

The stabber's eye widened for a fraction of a second before it went back to its woe-is-me state. "Ah, but isn't there a bit of Martha in everyone? And isn't there a bit of everyone in a Martha? Are you sure aren't part-Martha?"

The stabber looked at her to see the effect of his words and, to his amazement, the woman's face was tinged red. "You like being called Martha?" he said, scrunching his face.

"What?" she made a face at him and shook her head, "no, just something you said."

"Wha? What did I say?" Now he was curious. Something could make a crime fighting, building scaling badass blush? What was it and where could he get more of it?

She stared at him for a few seconds and said, looking away, "... isn't there a bit of everyone in a Martha..."

The stabber pursed his lips, running those words in his head, then his lips slowly formed a grin. "Oh man." He started chuckling, "shit, bit of everyone, damn," full blown laughter danced out of his lips. "Oh- Oh man, don't worry. There ain't a bit of  _me_ in anywhere."

The Nightwitch glowered at him again, "It's not that funny."

The stabber continued laughing.  _Man,_ what an ear for innuendo she had. He noted how her voice was less frigid now. After Martha, it bordered on hate rather than bloodlust. He sent a silent prayer of thanks to his role-model and imagined him giving a thumbs up in return.

He'd always told people who'd watched the movie that Martha had a deeper meaning. Why else would the makers insert something so stupid seeming? No, Martha had hidden undertones. Something no one could understand and brushed off as the writers' oddities or laziness. The stabber felt a stab of pity for the writers, no doubt they must've drowned their grief in a bar somewhere when no one understood their message.

The message of Martha.

Maybe after all this is over he should write a book called, the Martha impact. He'd even write all the names of the writers in the dedication. They deserved it after all.

"Would you shut up?" The woman's red face only grew brighter during his laughter.

Aww, she was getting comfortable with him. Isn't that nice?

Time to flip the switch then.

He let his laughter turn dark and tuned it to be vampiric. The kind of laugh which said, I  _know_  something which you don't want me to. The kind which you use to twist someone's arm around and bite into their neck. And get all that you want out of them.

The stabber grinned and said, "won't Jack like to know about that dirty mind of yours?"

All emotion drained off her face and she looked blankly at him. "I wasn't just hearing things then," she whispered. Her eyes narrowed, "why did you say his name, Nakajima Ryu."

"I'm glad I left enough of an impression that you remember my name. And why? Well, I just wanted to grab your  _attention."_ Nakajima grinned, _"_ do you know how hard I've been trying? The city's too big for you to stop every crime isn't it?"

The Nightwitch grit her teeth, "so you go-"

"Ah ah ah. I'm not finished, my sweet lifeline. Where was I? Right. So here I am crashing into shops and smashing things and ruining livelihoods, but do I get  _any_  attention from you? Oh no. You're really  _really_ hard to get."

"So you decided to join the Blue Crab?"

Nakajima chuckled, "that's the thing see. They apparently saw me beat down their boys and invited me to their gang. And I thought, sweet! Sabotage from the inside! And then there was this," Nakajima's voice took an obnoxious tone, " _self-help group._ Tch. _"_ He shook his head in disgust and spit on the city below.

He continued. "But then I thought, hey at least I can get some information about you. And then  _you_  showed up," he grinned again. "And when you started swinging that blade, the only thing banging in my head was, holy shit that's Jack's girl! Look at how much she's grown!"

The Nightwitch studied him. Her lips parted, closed, and parted again, and she said, "from how I attacked you back then? You recognized me?"

Nakajima clapped, "got it in one girly. I had a front row seat while you slaughtered my minions after all." Nakajima's teeth could be mistaken for a shark's as he spoke, "and I  _never_ forget the way someone fights."

The rooftop of the building where they were remained silent save for their breathing. One of them stayed silent, churning thoughts in her head and considering her next course of action. The other stayed silent, praising himself for his grand reveal.

"Did you do something to him." Her voice snapped him back to reality.

He blinked at her. "What?"

She spoke calmly, "Did you do something to Jack? Because if you did...," she jerked her head to the chasm behind him.

"Didn't you hear what I just said? I just found out while we were in the bar," said Nakajima. "Oh and don't even think of dropping me. Because like I said, you drop me and I'll drop you in a way that'll  _hurt_." Nakajima put a hand into his shirt and took out his cellphone. He tapped its screen and showed her that it was recording.

He waggled his eyebrows, "I have my ways."

The Nightwitch chuckled, "I have mine too."

She dropped him.

Nakajima's eye widened and he screamed as he fell from those forty stories, "you biiiiiiiitch!"

The Nightwitch waved at his disappearing figure, "see on the ground honey! You drop dead gorgeous you," she yelled back at him.

A faint and fading, "that's not what that means!" reached her ears.

The Nightwitch snickered, and pressed her ear.

"Penny-san?"

" _I'm on it Nightwitch. What's the destination?"_

"Jack's place."

* * *

It was a sunny beach filled with the sound of seagulls in the air. The water rose and fell in harmonious waves.

I sighed happily as I inched back into my hammock and put an arm behind my head. The warm sun filled me with peace and contentment, I could feel some sort of energy flow into me through the pores of my skin. It eased my muscles and made my head feel as light as a fluffy cloud.

" _Jaaack..."_

I closed my eyes and shivered in delight, as the cool sea breeze hit my face . A smile danced on my lips and I took a small sip from the straw poking out of the coconut in my hands. Waves crashed into rocks by the cliff and played a melody which only nature could and man would salivate to reproduce.

" _Jack, wake up."_

A heaven on earth, an honest to Sayori heaven on earth. I looked up and thanked the goddess smiling down upon me. She gave me a peace sign and giggled. I chuckled and stretched my back, and heard a satisfying pop. Man, this is one sweet day and nothing can ruin it.

" _Arise, chosen one and take destiny_ _into your hands."_

I yelped as the ground started shaking and threw me off my hanging bed. I got a face full of sand, which tasted quite salty I might add, and dropped my coconut on the ground. I pushed off the ground and spat the coarse grains from my mouth.

Partially blinded by the dust in my eyes, I felt around with my hands and caught a handle of some sort. Using it, I heaved myself up and spat once again. Damn salty sea sand. I blinked and shook my head, and in my hand, what I thought was a handle, turned out to be the hilt of a sword. It was buried in a slab of stone.

" _Can you vanquish the monsters, brave hero?"_

A giant chicken rose out of the water and stared at me. I gulped. It raised its feathers and went 'Cookoo!' and waddled towards me.

I screamed and bolted. In my panic I'd forgotten to leave the sword so I unintentionally pulled it out. It made a zigzag path in the sand with its tip, as I dragged it while dodging the chicken's pecks.

" _But wait! What's that in the sky!"_

I heard an ear shattering roar and looked up.

" _By god! It's a dragon!"_

The chicken and I both came to a stop and stared, my mouth and its beak hung open. The dragon crashed into the ground, splashing water and carving a hole in the sand before us and blew a stream of blazing blue fire into the air.

" _And it's not just any dragon. It's the princess of the Dragark Kingdom!"_

The oddly pink dragon bared its te-, sorry her teeth at us.

" _She's quite the flirty type, I've heard."_

The dragon blinked an eye at us and blew a plume of a heart shaped smoke. The chicken and I took a step back as one. We noticed each others' taking a backward step and looked at each other. A mutual understanding passed between us. The chicken plucked me up by my shirt and buried me within the feathers on its neck. It waddle-ran away from the draconic princess.

Said princess roared indignantly at being rejected.

" _The great art thief Yoink-thee-paint is about to steal that statue!"_

A masked phantom thief with a long stylish mustache hunched over the statue of a giant toad and rubbed his palms. He glanced at his surroundings and his monocle comically popped out of its socket when he saw me coming at him, full tilt, on my trusty cookoo armed with the sword of justice.

He turned tail and ran with his hands over his head.

"Stop right there, criminal scum!" I roared at him, holding onto the reins of my chicken, "pay the court a fine or serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are now forfeit."

" _Get him, Captain Jack!"_

My cookoo's head flashed to the ground and grabbed the miscreant. Still waddling, it lifted him up and dangled him before me. Grinning, I placed a set of cuffs on his hands. I, of course,  _had_  to say my trademark quip.

"Ye vile knave, this is the day you will always remember as the day you almost escaped Captain Jack Spar-"

" _The dragon then kidnaps you and imprisons you in a castle."_

I stared out at the sky full of dragons from my floating tower. Gold, silver, black, brown, ashen, red. Scales of all kind decorated the sky as the dragons went about their day.

I ran a hand through my hair. And kept running, and running, and running,... hmm. A few more days and I'll have enough hair to climb down the tower.

" _Then a warrior princess bursts through the wall of your room and gives you a saucy smile."_

"Heya handsome. Whatcha up to?" said a woman in a hunter's garb, winking at me. She had brown hair and a white ribbon.

"... Moniker?" I backed away slowly. You could never predict what a Moniker would do. She waggled her eyes and stepped closer and closer to me, until I'd backed up to the ledge and she was just an inch away from me.

I gulped. "Uh, what're you doing here?"

"Why, I'm here to help you get down, silly boy." She giggled.

I looked behind me, I looked at her. "You're gonna push me, aren't you."

"Righto!" She clapped her hands.

My eyes narrowed in anger. Who the hell does she think she is? Messing with me all the time. Acting like some kind of puppet master, controlling all our fates.

...huh? Where did that come from.

I shook my head. No, today's the day  _I_  mess with  _her_.

Giving her a big smile, I raised my hand, pinched her cheek-

"Hey!"

-and just for that annoyed squawk I pinched her other cheek as well-

"Quit it!" her voice, garbled by her stretched mouth.

I let her go, patted her head, gave her a candy, just to annoy her even more, and jumped off the ledge myself. I caught her shocked eyes as I fell.

Ha! Take that! I snickered, satisfied that I'd taken away from her the satisfaction of pushing me off a ledge. The ground gave me a hi-five.

In other words, I went splat.

* * *

My eyes snapped open. My heart pounded against my chest. I gingerly felt my body with my hands. Searching if anything was broken or bent in the wrong direction. I heaved a sigh of relief when my hands reported that it wasn't the case.

I slowly got up, still in disbelief over how I'd survived that jump from the sky high tower. It wasn't like I could fly or anything.

A hand landed on my shoulder, and my head jerked towards its owner.

"Hey, are you alright?" said a girl with glowing white eyes. She wore a dark full body suit with a cape tied around her neck. "It's good to see you awake," she said.

My cheeks tingled at the small smile she directed my way. Wait, awake? I frowned in confusion. That fall must've taken it's toll on my body then I guess.

"How are you feeling? All your injuries healed up?" she said removing her hand. She glared at me then, and I felt pinned by her stare. "Never do something so stupid again. You have no idea what it was like for me, to see you like that." Her voice was subdued and yet angry. It sounded brittle, like as if the wrong words said might just crack it.

I stared at her as she looked away with pursed lips. Her hands twisting the hems of my bedsheet.

"Are... are you okay?" I said.

She didn't look at me. "Sorry... I'm... I'm angry with you." She spared me a glance. "I should be happy but..." She shook her head.

I looked down. My eyes fell on my body. Which should quite frankly be smashed to bits after a jump from that height. I looked at her again, a woman in some kind of fantastical dress, wearing a mask with glowing eyes. The way she held herself screamed exhaustion and I understood who she was.

My lack of injuries.

Her concern for my well being.

The way she dressed.

The presence of dragons in the world.

It all fit together like a jigsaw puzzle.

I inched forward and wrapped my arms around her. She yelped and wiggled in my hug.

"H-Hey what are you-"

"Shh... It's alright... It's alright...," I said softly, running my hand down the length of her hair and holding her with the other. She stopped moving but still sat rigid, taut with tension in her back.

"What are you doing?" she whispered. Her hair brushed against my ear as her head moved. Her voice sounded so small and her breath came in shudders.

My heart went out to her. This poor woman, bearing a such a heavy burden on her delicate shoulders. "You're a very brave woman do you know that?" Her breath hitched. "I wish I could be half as brave as you," I said.

"Y-You know? How? But my mask..."

I chuckled, "it's obvious if you look at the signs."

She stiffened further, as if preparing for a physical blow. "You must think I'm odd don't you? Going around like thi-"

My hug tightened, "don't say that.  _Never_  say that," I said a little hotly, "screw anyone who says that! You're  _special._ So what if they say you're odd. At least you're being original yeah?"

"... you think I'm special?"

"Damn right, I do."

She went quite for a few seconds before I caught the first sniffle. Her hand went up and rubbed at her eyes.

I patted her back, "it's fine, just let it out. I'm here for you."

Her hands went around me and she returned my hug, leaning into me. Her chin fit into the gap between my neck and shoulder, as tiny sobs wracked her.

"I know I'm doing the right thing, but its just... so hard," she said. "I can't stop... if I do then who will...," she choked up, "I-I can't let something like that happen again."

I remained silent letting her speak her mind.

"I can't even tell anyone... they'd be in danger if I did... My friends, family... you're the only one who knows," she hugged me closer, "you don't know how scared that makes me for you. If anyone were to..." She shook her head.

I blinked. Whoa! She's that concerned about me? I grit my teeth, no. Just focus on comforting her.

We stayed like that for a few minutes. She sighed a few times but otherwise her tears had dried.

She pulled away from me and gave me a beautiful smile that set my heart aflutter. It stretched from ear to ear and made her face glow as bright as her eyes.

"Thanks," she said, "I... I  _needed_ that," the last bit came huskily.

I grinned, trying to ignore the way she'd said that. "What, that? Come on its the least I could do." Ah, when did her hands slide around my neck ... oh, and when did her fingers start playing with my hair.

" _Could you do me some more?_ " her voice floated into my ears and gave me the jitters.

I gulped. "S-S-Su-Sure. M-M-Mis-"

Her face slowly moved closer to mine, her lips were puckered, and something told me that her eyes were closed behind that mask. Her face was so close, oh god, I could feel her breath on my lips. And she was still inching closer!

"-M-M-Miss Black mage. P-Please don't use d-drain on me," I closed my eyes in anticipation.

"...what?"

I blinked my eyes open and saw her giving me a flat stare. She took her hands back and backed away from me, turning away.

My hands reached out for her, as she distanced herself. "W-Was it something I said?" I chuckled, trying to soften the whiplash of rejection. Internally, I was screaming at myself. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! When a hot Black mage is about to make out with you, you do  _not_  tell them not to use drain on you! Who knows, maybe it's all a part of the experience?

She turned around, leaning against the window sill and studying me. "... tell me. Who do you think I am?"

I scratched my cheek. "Is that a trick question? I mean it's obvious right?"

She shrugged, "enlighten me."

"You're the Black mage that saved me from dying right?"

"..."

I continued, taking her silence as agreement.

"After I'd jumped from the tower in the sky, I think I went splat," I scrunched my brow, this part I was a bit unsure. "I mean at least it  _felt_  like I hit the ground. And the next thing I know I wake up next to you. All healed and in tip top shape." I beamed at her.

"..."

I continued, taking her silence as roaring approval.

"But then I thought what am I doing waking up in the company of a Black mage- oh don't look at me like that, your dress  _screams_  black magic- and then again I'm all healed. I made the connections and the revelations shocked me if I'm being honest."

"..."

Man, she must really like the sound of my voice. Therefore, I continued.

"You're a Black mage who can use healing spells. Otherwise why would I be all healed up. But wait, I thought, how can a Black mage heal someone. And that's when it struck me," my eyes regarded her with sympathy, "one of your parents is a White mage. But you found your true calling in the destruction school of magic."

"..."

I hopped off my bed and walked up to her. "Let me just tell you that no matter what you do. It's a-okay! I know it can be quite stressful going against customs and all, but take heart my friend! Thou hast a friend in me! Now, what do you say to some jolly good adventuring!" I gave her the Good Guy smile #21. The one with the thumbs-up and sparkling teeth.

"..."

She calmly grabbed her mask and pulled it over and off her head.

My eyes bugged out. "Y-Yuri!"

"See! Now, that's the reaction I was expecting!" she said, hotly. "Not all that nonse-"

"You never told me you were a mage!"

Her eyes burned, "Jaaaack!" She lunged.

"Aah! Please don't hit me!"

The door to the room burst open and the lights turned on. "Alright, what is going on here!" said a familiar voice. "O-Oh dear. Jack, what is this!" My Mother demanded.

I looked up from the ground, where Yuri was both choking and straddling me. She saw my mom and looked mortified. "Hey mom, this is my friend Yuri."

"A... friend?" My mom sounded doubtful.

I sat up- Yuri had crawled off me- and placed an arm around her, she looked like she wanted to escape. "Yeah mom, from school. Did you know she's a Black mage?"

My mom and Yuri stared at me, and then shared a look.

"I'm sorry about my son. "

"It's okay ma'am. Somethings can't be helped."

I pouted, "hey..."

My mother shook her head. "He can be a real handful. It must be difficult being his girlfriend." she gave Yuri a sympathetic look.

Yuri's eyes widened, "g-girlfriend! I-I'm not his girlfriend."

My mother scrunched her face, took a close look at us and nodded her head with a knowing smile. "Aah, I see. Denial phase huh?" She chuckled. "Anyway, I'm going back to bed. And Jack?"

"Mom?"

"Do anything indecent and I'll wring your neck tomorrow. Okay, honey?" She smiled sweetly.

I ducked my head. " 'kay, Mom."

She chuckled once again and exited the room, muttering something about young love and telling dad or something.

After a while, Yuri turned to stare at me. "You and your mother are quite alike."

I blinked, "oh? Uh, thank you."

She murmured, "I'm not sure if that's a compliment..." she sighed and stared ahead dejectedly.

... I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing. She jumped and looked at me with wide eyes. I clutched my stomach and fell against my side, exploding with mirth.

"Why are you laughing? What's so funny?"

"S-Sorry, lady  _Nightwitch,"_ I managed to wheeze out. "Just wanted to mess with ya!" I don't know how I'm managing to wheeze these words out.

"You knew!" She pounced on me again, clutching my collar and banging my head to the floor, while an angry bush lit her face.

I continued laughing through my pain. Hey, she  _did_  ruin my dream after all.

Ahh, reunions. Aren't they such a jolly good thing.

"Would you kids keep it down!" My mother yelled from the across the hall.

* * *

**Meanwhile outside Jack's house**

Nakajima and a dog stared each other down.

"What're you staring at? Beat it, dog."

"Arf. Arf." It wagged its tail.

The teen, bound by wire and lying face up on the ground, tried to wiggle away. "Get lost man, don't you have anything better to do?"

The dog tilted its head, sat down and yawned.

Nakajima sighed and pursed his lips.

Then he made a grave mistake.

He tired to blow air out of his mouth, while still keeping his lips pursed tight.

This resulted in a high pitched, 'pfft' kinda sound, and the dog shot to its feet.

"Arf! Arf!" It jumped atop his chest and began licking his face happily, its tail wagging at fifty wpm*.

"Argh!" lick "hey" lick lick "aahh!"

The doggy annihilated the teen with its loving slobber.

"Noo!"

"Arf! Arf!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Yo!
> 
> Hope you liked the chapter.
> 
> Have a great day peeps!
> 
> Ciao~


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